TV Quotes

Pat: Here we go.
Marie: How's the bird?
Pat: Oh, I took care of it.
Robert: What do you mean?
Pat: You know-- [makes neck twisting gesture]

Marie: Excuse me, but how do you know the bird couldn't be saved? I mean, you're not a veterinarian.
Pat: No, but I have lived in the country my whole life.
Amy: Mom grew up on a farm.
Frank: I bet the chickens slept with one eye open.

Hank: It's funny, isn't it, Mother, how city folk react to this type of thing?
Marie: That poor bird was innocently flying around. You kill it, you don't even seem to care.
Hank: It's not that we don't care, Marie. It's just, out here, there are animals all around us, and sometimes you do what has to be done.
Pat: Yes, like when a rodent gets into the root cellar, you don't want to bang it with a shovel... but you do.
Peter: Bong!

Frank: You got no right to go around bumpin' off God's creatures willy-nilly.
Hank: Well, let's remember, Frank, God did say, "Let man have dominion over the fish of the sea, and the fowl of the air, and every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth."
Frank: You creepeth me out.

Ally: "Squanto and the Pilgrims became friends, but Squanto's tribe did not like the settlers."
Marie: This is an excellent play.
Ray: "l think we should be friends with the Pilgrims and sign a peace treaty."
Hank: "Yes, we promise to protect your people and treat you with kindness."
Robert: Lies. They're gonna screw us.

Frank: That bird was one of God's creatures! The God these people supposedly work for. But apparently, that life didn't mean anything to them. It was just a bird. Well, maybe so, but I happen to think he deserved a lot better than he got.
Pat: [enters] Okay, everyone! Dinner.
Frank: All right! Break me off a leg there!

Hank: You know, Frank, I would like to say something to you. It seems to me that you care more about animals than you do about people.
Frank: What the hell's that supposed to mean?
Hank: Well, I've never seen you show as much compassion for any human being as you've just shown for that bird. And even the way you treat each other is appalling.
Amy: Hey, I think I know a couple fellas who could use a nap.
Frank: Listen, pal, we tell it like it is. Somebody's botherin' me, I let 'em know. And, yeah, maybe that's why I like animals, they tell it like it is. Woof! Moo! Quack! That's straight shootin'.

Pat: We would never pretend like that. We always try to see the goodness in people. Even when it's very, very hard.

Hank: Well, why doesn't everyone have a seat?
Frank: Just point us to the room with the TV.
Hank: Oh, we don't own a TV.
Frank: I don't understand.

Marie: You've done this before?
Peter: Sure. All the time.
Amy: Well, only when they hit the house.
Frank: I think if birds keep flying into your house, you gotta warn them somehow.
Peter: Maybe we should just cover the house with mattresses, so the birds bounce off.
Frank: You makin' fun of me, cocoa puffs?

Amy: Marie, maybe we should just let the bird thing go.
Robert: Whoa, Amy, look. Let's not get sucked into this. I mean, I'm not taking my family's side.
Amy: Well, of course not. They're acting all nuts.
Robert: They're nuts?
Amy: Well, what would you call it when a man barks and quacks at you?
Robert: My father was barking and quacking because he was upset about the path of death and destruction that your parents have cut through the animal community!
Frank: That's my boy!
Ray: This doesn't happen if you have a TV.

Ally: "The Pilgrims invited Squanto's tribe to a big feast. Everyone was happy when the Indian chief arrived."
[Frank steps forward]
Hank: "We're so happy."
Ally: "They exchanged gifts, and the Indian chief embraced the Pilgrim governor." Grandpa, embrace him.
Frank: Look, Ally, sweetie, this was cute and everything, but now it stinks.
Hank: It doesn't stink! This play is a MacDougall family tradition!
Marie: Yes, and we've seen other kinds of traditions your family enjoys.
Amy: Marie, please stop already.
Robert: No no. That's okay. It's important to get everything out in the open. So, tell me, Amy, what else did you
feed that snake, huh? Stray dogs? Hitchhikers?
Amy: Oh, my God.
Robert: Your family scares the hell out of me!

Marie: Poor thing. He must've gotten confused or something.
Ray: Hey. Hey, remember Tweety?
Robert: Yeah.
Ray: When we were kids, we had a cockatiel named Tweety.
Robert: I trained him so when I opened his cage, he'd fly right up onto my shoulder. He thought I was a tree.

Marie: I happen to agree with my husband. You can't just put on a smile and pretend that people are wonderful.
Frank: Yeah, nobody really-
Marie: I'm talking now, Frank. I have always felt that if I'm going to be a loving human being, I also had to be courageous enough to be honest with people. Being fake helps no one. [Pat looks at Hank] What- W- What is that look?
Pat: It's just- Well, I was thinking about when you said you made two pies in case people didn't fill up on dinner. I don't think you were happy to be spending Thanksgiving with us, but you covered your true feelings with a veiled insult about my cooking. Isn't that fake?
Marie: You killed a bird!

Ally: "The first Thanksgiving. The Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock in the winter of 1620 Iooking for freedom
and a new life, but things were not easy for them."
Hank: "The winter is so very hard. Many of our people are dying from cold and hunger."
Amy: "But we can't find any food."
Pat: "We don't even know how to catch fish. Whatever will we do?"
Frank: She should try strangling a couple of birds.
Hank: Did anyone hear some savages talking?

Pat: You can warm yourselves up with some hot cider.
Frank: Is it spiked?
Pat: There's cinnamon.
Frank: So I drove here for hot juice.

Pat: Would you like an appetizer, Marie? They're homemade.
Marie: Oh, that's all right.
Pat: Oh, but I'd love for you to try one. Everyone says you're the best cook there is.
Marie: [smiles] Well, I wouldn't say that. I'd love to try one. [eats] Mmm! I have to say, Pat, that's marvelous.
Pat: Oh, thank you.
Hank: She's been worried about what you were gonna think of her dinner.
Marie: [chuckles] Oh... who cares what I think?

Peter: Good day, fair Barones... on this festival of thanks and givingness. [silence]

Debra: Sorry we're so late.
Pat: That's all right. Dinner's almost ready.
Marie: I brought pies for after.
Pat: Oh, thank you, Marie.
Marie: I made two, in case people don't fill up on dinner.
Pat: How thoughtful.

Ray: You have a radio?
Debra: Ray.
Ray: What? What if- What if the president comes on to say Thanksgiving's been canceled? How are we going to hear that?