Ray: How long are you going to be?
Debra: Depends.
Ray: On what?
Debra: How long it takes to fix what you've done here.
Ray: So, like, a few minutes, right? Listen. I'm really sorry.
Debra: Yeah, I know you are.
Ray: Can I get anything? Do you need any help? Anything I can do at all? Look, shouldn't you just yell at me here or something?
Debra: Ray, when you're on the Titanic, you load the lifeboats. You don't stop to yell at the iceberg.

Frank: How come Robert's got $3,000 to throw around? He should be giving us rent money.
Marie: He's our son, Frank. You don't charge your son.
Frank: He's a giant, Marie. Do you know what it costs just to heat him?
Ray: All right. Thanks for coming.
Frank: Food, too. He's got $3,000, and I'm paying for the Pudding Pops.
Marie: You eat them, too, Frank.
Frank: No more Pudding Pops. And no solid white tuna, either. The chunk light is perfectly fine. I'm not running a country club anymore!
Marie: I like the solid white.
Frank: Too bad!
Marie: It's my one luxury.

Marie: I told him she was too pretty for him.
Frank: Thank God I didn't make that mistake.

Debra: I will say this.
Ray: Okay. Good. Go.
Debra: You put so much effort into a fake checkbook. Why didn't you take a little of that effort in doing it right in the first place?
Ray: I don't have to sit here and take this.
Debra: No, really. Come on. I want to know.
Ray: It's the numbers. I stink at numbers.
Debra: You wouldn't if they were golf scores. And that's what bothers me the most. It's not that you can't do it. It's just that you won't do it. You're like the kids. They only want to do what's fun.
Ray: And yet, you still love them.
Debra: You know, I hate doing the checkbook, but I do it anyway. And do you know why I do it even though I hate it?
Ray: Because deep down, you really like it.
Debra: No, Ray.

Ray: Do me a favor? I've been paying the bills for the last couple of weeks. I got this from the electric company. Take a look at that.
Andy: They're turning off your service.
Ray: Yeah. Why? I don't get it. I paid all this stuff six weeks ago.
Andy: Can I ask you something? Why are you handling the checkbook? Did Debra leave you?
Ray: Uh, Debra, she's made such a big deal about paying the bills. I'm trying to show her it doesn't have to be that complicated.
Andy: Well, no electricity is less complicated. You're like the Amish now.

Robert: Hey, Ray. How's it going? What's so important?
Ray: Nothing. Keep your voice down.
Robert: Something's up. I saw you sneaking out of your house at 5:00 in the a.m.
Ray: Stop watching my house. And I wasn't sneaking out. I just, I had to get over to the electric company payment center.
Robert: Why?
Ray: 'Cause those idiots, they shut off my power last night and, you know, I didn't want Debra to wake up without power. She likes toast.

Ray: Oh, hey. Write me a check for Sports Illustrated, will you? My subscription ran out.
Debra: Don't they have that at work?
Ray: Yeah, yeah. They've also got bathrooms at work, but I want one at home.
Debra: Come on, Ray, that's a big waste of money.
Ray: Right, everything I want is a waste of money. Like you don't go out and spend hundreds of dollars on... food. Come on, it's a magazine. Don't be so cheap.
Debra: It's not being cheap. It's living within a budget.
Ray: It's a magazine. That's all I want, okay? One thing for me.
Debra: Okay, who's the new golf bag for?
Ray: Ally.

Debra: Ray, have you ever even seen our budget?
Ray: There's an actual piece of paper that says "budget" on it?
Debra: You have no idea what I do here, do you?
Ray: Why do I need to know?
Debra: Okay. I'm going to explain it to you.
Ray: Oh, don't. No. You're going to kill the magic.

Debra: Okay. Once every two weeks, I go into the hamper, I find your pants and I dig out your paycheck.
Ray: You're welcome.
Debra: I deduct our fixed costs and figure out how much we have to service our debt. Whatever's left over is our discretionary fund. From that, I put away as much as possible for the kids' college growth and income plan. You understand?
Ray: You know, one of your eyes is bigger than the other one.
Debra: You can't even listen to me. You can't even hear about the budget?
Ray: You're making it so complicated.
Debra: What do you mean, I'm making it complicated?
Ray: Yeah, you are. Why don't you just pay the bills? I didn't mean what I said. I didn't mean that. What I meant was, it seems like it should be easier. For you.
Debra: It's going to be a lot easier.
Ray: Okay. I'm sorry.
Debra: No, you're right. I'm making it way too complicated. Just pay the bills.
Ray: All right. I guess I'll have to show you how easy it can be, then. [to Ally] You saw daddy talking. You couldn't stop me?

Andy: Hey, Ray.
Ray: Hey, Andy. Thanks for coming, man.
Andy: [eating hamburger] No problem. I was in the mood for a little botulism.