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‘Super Bowl’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Super Bowl

513. Super Bowl

Aired January 29, 2001

When Ray gets two tickets to the Super Bowl, he decides to take his friend Gianni instead of Robert, Frank or Debra.

Quote from Marie

Marie: All right, both of you, stop it. Raymond, you have to get two more tickets.
Ray: I can't do that, Ma.
Marie: Well, just call up someone. You want me to call?
Ray: Ma, there's nobody to... You can't...
Marie: What's the number of the Super Bowl?
Ray: That's now how it works, Ma.

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Quote from Robert

Ray: Okay, listen, you know what? I don't have a ticket for either of you. I'm sorry. I told Gianni I was gonna take him, and I'm gonna take him.
Robert: Well, that's the way it should be, I guess. You take Gianni, Raymond. Have a grand time. Hey, why don't you get one of those big "number one" foam fingers and wave it in the air? 'Cause you're number one, Raymond. You're number one! But remember this... "One is the loneliest number you'll ever do."

Quote from Frank

Frank: All right, now that he's gone, give me my ticket.
Ray: Dad, I told you I don't have one.
Frank: Fine, fine. Do what you want. Let me tell you this I know what it's gonna say on my tombstone. "My son went to the Super Bowl, and now I'm dead."

Quote from Marie

Ray: No, don't, don't, Ma. Don't do it.
Marie: What?
Ray: Don't try to get me to change my mind, okay? I see you're firing up all the pistons in your little guilt machine.
Marie: I don't have a guilt machine, Raymond. All I have is the hope that our family could be happy. [exits]
Debra: There's a lot of miles on that machine, but it runs like new.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Oh, Ray, it's beautiful. Thank you for calling me.
Ray: Well, I mean, it was weird without you here. So my mom had no problem taking the kids?
Debra: No. How lucky are we that she lives across the street?
Ray: Whoa, whoa. What, were you drinking on the plane?
Debra: A little bit.

Quote from Gianni

Frank: Hey, Gianni, you going to the kitchen?
Gianni: I'm watching the game.
Frank: You're not thirsty? You look like you're thirsty.
Robert: You look hungry, too.
Gianni: What do I want?
Frank: Pretzels and ginger ale.
Robert: And macaroni and cheese.
Gianni: Man, are they annoying.
Debra: At least you get to go home.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Whoo-whoo-whoo! [to Gianni] Yeah, yeah, get a good look at this face, sucka, 'cause it's the last time it'll be the face of a man who's never been to the greatest place a man could go.
Gianni: Wherever it is, I hope they have mouthwash.
Ray: Oh, gee, I don't know. Do they have mouthwash at the Super Bowl?
Gianni: What?
Ray: Yeah, damn right, "What?" The paper's sending me to Tampa to cover the Friday press conference, and then I get to hang out and go to the game on Sunday. Whoo-whoo-whoo!
Marie: Oh, congratulations, Raymond.
Ray: Thank you.
Gianni: You lucky freak of a moron.
Ray: Hey, come on, I don't know if it's wise to insult a man who has an extra ticket.
Gianni: If you're jacking me around, I'm gonna rip your arm off at the elbow.
Ray: No jack, dude. You and me leaving tomorrow, Super Bowl.

Quote from Ray

Ray: They still looking at me?
Debra: Oh, yeah.
Ray: You know what? I'm just gonna stand here and wait 'em out.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Still there?
Debra: Yep.
Ray: Would you mind distracting them with some nudity?

Quote from Frank

Ray: All right, listen-
Frank: What's this about Super Bowl tickets?
Ray: Oh, boy.
Robert: You got an extra ticket to the Super Bowl, and you're taking Gianni?
Frank: That ticket should be mine, and you know it.
Ray: All right, look. First of all, put the fork down, Dad.
Frank: I'll put the fork down when there's a ticket on it.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Look, listen, taking Gianni is the only fair thing, okay? If I had asked one of you to go, then the other one would have been mad.
Robert: No, you would have chosen a family member, and that would have been honorable.
Ray: Oh, come on. Dad, would you have been happy if I asked Robert to go?
Frank: Give me my ticket.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Can you believe this? It's the best assignment I've ever gotten, and I can't even enjoy it now 'cause everybody hates me.
Debra: I understand, Ray. You know what? It's your trip, and you're entitled to take your friend instead of your brother or your father... or your wife.
Ray: Wife?
Debra: Yeah, wife that's me, remember? [hums the bridal chorus]
Ray: Oh, I know the song... [hums] Yeah. I know that song. It was the happiest day of my life.
Debra: You get to go on this great trip, and it never even occurred to you to ask me.
Ray: But that's because this is football.
Debra: So what?
Ray: Oh, come on, if you had two tickets to the Pottery Barn Grand Championships, would you wanna take me?
Debra: Ray, I don't care about the football, but what about us getting away together? You're going to this nice hotel. We could have dinner.
Ray: Okay, see, that's the problem. I mean, the hotel with the paper's budget, it's probably a halfway house, and the food's gonna stink.
Debra: You just told me this was the greatest assignment you'd ever gotten.
Ray: Well, that's the key word assignment. Good. Nobody brings their wives, 'cause that weekend they're married to the game. [off Debra's look] Assignment.

Quote from Ray

Debra: You know what? You said you were gonna take Gianni, so you should take Gianni.
Ray: I told him I was gonna take him.
Debra: All right, so just go.
Ray: Look, I don't want to go if you're gonna hate me.
Debra: I don't hate you, Ray.
Ray: Oh, come on, look. When I get back, you and I, we'll go somewhere.
Debra: You know, we should because we never get away together.
Ray: Okay, then we will, all right? Okay, yeah. And we'll go where you wanna go, you know, "girlie land."
Debra: Okay.
Ray: Yeah, I mean it.
Debra: All right.
Ray: It'll be great. We'll wear matching sweaters, and we'll walk in the mountains, and we won't come home until we find a rainbow.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Wow, look at all you couples, yeah.
Mary Jo: Is Debra here?
Ray: Uh, no, no. She wanted to come, but her eye She got hit in the head with a flute, yeah. Yeah, the kids, they throw...
Mary Jo: Oh, my goodness.
Ray: No, no, she's okay. She's fine. She just can't look at things right now, yeah.
Mary Jo: Well, when I see her at school, I promise not to rub it in too much about all the fun she missed.
Ray: Yeah, right, right. Damn it, that's right. Yeah, yeah. Although if you did tell her, she probably wouldn't understand much, 'cause that flute thing banged her up pretty bad. Yeah, yeah.
Gianni: Here you go, Raymie. Got you sprinkles. No rules.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'm sorry, Gianni.
Gianni: So when does she get here?
Ray: She's driving in from the airport now, man.
Gianni: I can't believe you're bringing her here.
Ray: All the guys brought their wives. Plus, she deserves to have some fun, you know? There's crafts festivals and outlet stores. Listen, it's not gonna affect us at all, man, huh? We're still gonna golf all day. It's just that at night, if there's a chance for hotel sex, I'd rather have her in the room than you.
Gianni: You don't know that.
Ray: Come on, man, we still get to go to the Super Bowl, all right? Isn't that what it's all about, huh? The Super Bowl, we're at the Super Bowl...

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