Debra: What's all this?
Ray: Stuff to make you feel better. You're sick, I'm takin' care of you. First of all, cough syrup. I got all the sleepy kind. Nighttime, P.M. This just has a bunch of Zs on it.
Debra: Wow.
Ray: I got you lozenges, vitamin C, and I got you a vaporizer. I thought it would be better than me rubbing all that stuff on you. You don't need that.
Debra: I think I have a fever 'cause I'm hallucinating.
Ray: What? I'm your husband. I listen, I help, I'm here. That's what we got goin'. Twelve years and no end in sight... right? [kisses Debra's forehead] Oh, I gotta go. I got chicken soup on the stove for you. [exits]
Debra: [to herself] Maybe I died.

Marie: You should never have allowed yourself to be in that position.
Ray: Mom, she wasn't going to do anything, all right? I was just helping her take down the tent.
Marie: A woman doesn't get a man into a tent unless she's going in after him.
Ray: No, listen Peggy is not attracted to me at all.
Marie: That's impossible! I'm telling you, the things you do and the way you look can drive a woman crazy.
Ray: Aw, Ma! Please.
Marie: Like your shy little smile.
Ray: All right. That's enough!
Marie: And your sensitive eyes.
Ray: Ma! I'm eating here!
Marie: And let's not forget those tight pants you're wearing.
Ray: Agh! Ma! [runs out of the room]
Marie: [to herself] He won't do that again.

Debra: [coughs] Ray, could you get me the tissues? [coughs] Could you pass me the tissues? [coughs] Boy, I wish somebody would rub this on my chest.
Ray: What?
Debra: Pass me the tissues.
Ray: No, I heard "rub" and "chest." The doctor will see you now.
Debra: Just pass me the tissues, please. And could you go to the store and get me some cough medicine?
Ray: What happened to the chest rubbing?
Debra: No, thank you.

Debra: Just go and take Ally, okay? She's got a sleepover at Molly's.
Ray: Whoa, whoa. Molly's?
Debra: Yeah, Molly's.
Ray: Isn't Molly's mom that Peggy, the- the scoutmaster-Nazi-cookie-Hitler?
Debra: Yeah. That's how she's listed in the phone book.
Ray: Come on. I don't want to see that Peggy again.
Debra: Ray, come on, honey. That was over a year ago. The frontier girl cookie wars are over. I'm sure she won't beat you up this time.
Ray: I did not get beat up. I slipped.

Gianni: Well, seems to me like you were asking for it.
Ray: What?!
Gianni: Sorry, in the animal kingdom, you stick your caboose in the air, that's as good as a marriage proposal.
Ray: Shut up!
Robert: Yeah, he's right. I believe the term is "presenting."
Gianni: Face it, Ray. This chick's got the hots for you.
Robert: Yep! She's in love!
Ray: No! No! No, she-she hates me!
Gianni: Sounds like maybe her old man hasn't been minding the store.
Ray: No! The ol' man's gone. She's divorced.
Gianni & Robert: Oh!

Debra: Hey, Ray, that was Peggy. You gotta go back. She said Ally wants to come home.
Gianni & Robert: Oh.
Ray: But I was just there.
Debra: I'm sorry, honey. She said Ally's not feeling well.
Ray: Why don't you go? You're looking 100% better. [to Robert & Gianni] Okay. One of you guys gotta come with me.
Robert: I'd love to, but I've already got a girl.
Ray: Come on. Gianni.
Gianni: No. I'd rather just read about it in "Penthouse."
Ray: Come on! Look, guys, seriously. Do you think this woman is-is coming on to me?
Robert: Do you actually believe that Ally is sick all of a sudden?
Gianni: "Dear, Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me"
Ray: Aw, come on!
Robert: "It was a rainy night and my rump was yearning to break out of its denim prison."

Peggy: What is your problem?
Ray: Don't think I don't know what's goin' on here. The fire, the drinks, the rain...
Peggy: What- What are you talking about?
Ray: You touched me on my personal space. I was just bending over to fix your tent. I was not presenting.
Peggy: What are you talking ab- Oh! When I did this?
Ray: Watch it, lady!
Peggy: What was the big deal?
Ray: The big deal is that I'm a married man, and you had a picnic in my backyard!
Peggy: [laughs] You- You think I was coming on to you? In your dreams, pal.
Ray: No, in your dreams!

Ray: Okay? Why else would you go at me like that?
Peggy: Oh, because I am so attracted to you, Captain Flat Pants!
Ray: Yeah, then why'd you do it?
Peggy: I don't know why. I just did it.
Ray: Oh, yeah, yeah. That's just your little thank-you gift for anybody who helps you out.
Peggy: Hey, I told you I didn't need your help. You just had to show me what a big, strong man you were. Like I couldn't figure out that tent on my own?
Ray: I wasn't trying to show you anything. I was doing it for the kids!
Peggy: Oh, ple- Give me a break! You were strutting around, gloating. "Maybe I should get a merit badge." You're lucky I didn't kick your butt! [Peggy does "the step"] What's the matter? You scared?
Ray: No! Yes!

Ray: All right, I'll admit it. You scare me. You're scary. You're a bad, scary lady. So let's just agree that you don't touch me, and I will wait for my ride outside. [Peggy starts to cry]
Peggy: Fine! And you know what? Get out! Just get out now! Get out now! [Ray notices Peggy is crying] Would you go? What is your problem? I said get out!
Ray: All right. What are you cryin' about?
Peggy: I'm not crying.
Ray: Oh, okay. Listen I didn't I didn't mean to...
Peggy: Didn't mean to what? Call me a scary, mean ol' ass-grabber?
Ray: I did not say "ass."
Peggy: Look, I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. It's probably because that's what my husband used to do to me. Like, "Oh, yeah. Good job, toots. Didn't think you could manage getting the fork out of the dishwasher and make a pot of coffee." Condescending little putz! No. No, it was me. It was all my personality. I'm so tough to get along with. I'm so negative. How does he think I got so neg- How do you think I got this way?!
Ray: I don't know. Sounds like it was his fault.

Peggy: Look, I am no walk in the park. But I mean, whenever I tried to talk to him, all he wanted to do was watch television. Unless, of course, he wanted sex and then, whoo boy, for those eight minutes, I was number one.
Ray: Yeah, well some guys. Eight minutes... that's bad, right?
Peggy: Then he lied, I mean, all the time about everything, even little things. He'd he'd just say whatever I wanted to hear to avoid confrontation.
Ray: Hmm.
Peggy: He never listened. Never helped me. Only cared about himself. Twelve years of marriage.
Ray: Wow, 12 years? And he just left?
Peggy: No. I threw him out.
Ray: Oh. Oh.