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Everybody Loves Raymond: The Model

821. The Model

Aired May 10, 2004

Robert is "discovered" by a modeling agency while collecting Chinese food.

Quote from Ray

Amy: Sorry we took so long, but listen to this. While we were waiting for our order in the bar, Robert got discovered!
Debra: Oh, what do you mean?
Ray: Discovered as in, "Hey, I found Bigfoot"?

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Quote from Frank

Marie: We noticed your lights were on.
Amy: Guess what?
Marie: What?
Amy: Robert signed with a modeling agent.
Frank: All right, what's the punch line?
Robert: No joke, Dad. William Dennison of the William Dennison Modeling Agency felt that I had potential as a model, and, uh, I've decided to fulfill it.
Marie: Oh, Robert, that's wonderful! Oh! Even as a baby, you were always a looker.
Frank: I always thought he was more of a "Look at that."

Quote from Ray

Amy: No, really! This modeling agent came over to us and said Robert had an interesting look. He said he should come in for a meeting. Here's his card.
Debra: Robert, this is terrific. You should call him.
Robert: Ah, come on. The guy was probably drunk.
Ray: Yeah. Or blind. Or- Or mentally-
Robert: Okay, let's just go with blind and drunk! All right, Raymond?

Quote from Robert

Ray: Are you sure this is the right place?
Robert: Yes. Yeah, yes. I don't get it. Yesterday, there were all these people here. And- And I went over here to sit, and this is where the lady was who helped me, and then this was William's office over here. And they said, "Go do your pictures." I came in here. I met Herbert. And then after that, I went over here. And then I said, "Okay. Thank you very much. I'll come back to get 'em." And then l- I left, and l- I don't know.
Ray: So, basically, what you're saying is the most attractive woman I'm gonna see today is you.
Robert: I don't know what happened. Even the light bulbs are gone. It- It's like a con job.
Ray: How could it be a con job? I mean... Oh, don't tell me you paid the guy to represent you.
Robert: No. I only paid for the pictures. I paid for the pictures.
Ray: Oh man. How much?
Robert: $1000.
Ray: $1000? Are you nuts?
Robert: It would've cost me a lot more with one of those outside guys!

Quote from Robert

Robert: How can I calm down? Do you know what this means? I've been conned, and I'm a cop. I'm a conned cop!
Ray: All right. So why don't you just track the guys down, and you throw 'em in jail?
Robert: Yeah, sure. I can just imagine the headlines: "Giant Cop is Giant Schmuck!"

Quote from Robert

Ray: Look, you just tell them that you decided that this career was not for you. You're too much of a man.
Robert: Okay. But, see, they're expecting pictures. Amy knows I paid $1,500.
Ray: I thought you said $1,000.
Robert: I lied, okay, Raymond?! I'm a moron!
Ray: All right, so we'll get some new pictures made.
Robert: No, I can't. That was my last $2,000.
Ray: $2,000?!
Robert: I know!
Ray: Well, $2,000? What were these, pictures or sculptures?

Quote from Ray

Ray: No, Robert. This is what they want. God forbid you should feel good about yourself. This family is so negative, and I'm sick of it!
Marie: It's not him. It's the photos.
Ray: It's you! And you! And you, and you, and even you!
Robert: You're losin' me, man.
Ray: All of you. You're giver-uppers and put-er-downers.
Debra: Ray, where you going?
Ray: I know some sports people, and they do some modeling and have agents, and I'd like a second opinion. So you can all just stay here in your little suburban suburbia where everything is in focus and nobody's head is cut off! [exits]
Robert: Raymond really believes in me.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Okay. Here it is, nice and hot. You're gonna wish you ordered more egg rolls, Raymond.
Ray: Why?
Robert: 'Cause I ate 'em in the car.

Quote from Robert

Amy: Come on, Robert. Aren't you a little bit intrigued?
Debra: Yeah. What if he wasn't any of those things?
Robert: Well, he must've been all those things, or he would've given his card to the real beauty in the restaurant. My Amy.
Amy: Oh, my handsome model.
Robert: Yeah.
Ray: Aw! How am I gonna eat now?
Robert: You know, you could kiss your wife once in a while.
Debra: Let's eat.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hello. I'm here to see William Dennison.
Receptionist: What's your name?
Robert: Bobby Barone.
Receptionist: Who?
Robert: Robert Barone.

Quote from Robert

William Dennison: Hey, Robert. Have a seat. Glad you could make it.
Robert: Are you sure about all this? Because, you know, I'm not much of a looker in the, uh, sober light of day. Am I right? I mean, you saw me at a Chinese restaurant. They're not exactly known for their lighting. So I totally understand if...
William Dennison: Robert! Robert, relax. We're just talking.
Robert: Okay.
William Dennison: So, how tall are you?
Robert: Uh, I'm 6'8" and a half, but I can schlump to 6'5".
William Dennison: No, no. Actually, one of the toughest things to find is someone who's tall who also photographs well. Most of the guys your height are... Well, they're more like circus freaks.
Robert: So I'm not a circus freak?
William Dennison: I'm not saying you're a cover model. But what we do here is more on the pages between the covers, where the advertisers want character faces to sell everything from new cars to headache medicines.
Robert: Oh, yeah. I could be the headache guy. I get headaches all the time. You should meet my family.

Quote from Robert

William Dennison: Just because I think you have a good look doesn't mean the advertisers are going to agree. But you never know.
Robert: Interesting. When you say "never know"...
William Dennison: Well, you may never book anything. Or you may book a few print jobs.
Robert: And what would something like that pay?
William Dennison: A couple thousand dollars. But I also have my top people out there doing commercials, and they're pulling down 100, 150 grand a year.
Robert: I'm in!

Quote from Robert

William Dennison: What I'd like to do is send you out a couple times, see what kind of reaction we get.
Robert: Okay. Great!
William Dennison: Yeah.
Robert: Yeah. Oh, hey, let 'em know I'm not afraid to go green.
William Dennison: Excuse me?
Robert: Go green. You know, in case they want me to sell vegetables.
William Dennison: Oh.
Robert: And people also tell me I have a good voice in case they want me to talk in any of the ads. "This is CNN."
William Dennison: Let's just focus on print ads for the time being, hmm?

Quote from Robert

William Dennison: First thing you're gonna need to do is go out and get some headshots to start your portfolio. Here are the names of some photographers other people here have used, or you could use our in-house guy.
Robert: That's sounds grrrreat! Tony the Tiger. I- I didn't know if that guy died already or anything. I thought they might, you know... Maybe they need a new tiger.

Quote from Ray

Amy: Oh my God! You guys are not going to believe this! Okay, Robert!
Robert: Hey.
Amy: He went to the agency, they signed him as a client. He already had his photo session with Herbert, and they're gonna start sending 'em out right away.
Ally: Why is Uncle Robert standing like that?
Robert: Well, Ally...
Amy: Because my husband is a model.
Ray: And sometimes models wear tight underwear.
Debra: Stop it, Ray. Robert, I just think that's terrific. I have always said that you were handsome.
Ray: And then we would laugh and laugh and laugh.

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