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‘Marie and Frank's New Friends’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Marie and Frank's New Friends

419. Marie and Frank's New Friends

Aired March 20, 2000

Ray and Debra encourage Frank and Marie to make new friends.

Quote from Frank

Frank: The house is now paid off. And here's to the wonderful people at Lynbrook Mortgage. Thanks for the calendars, and you can all kiss my great American ass.
Debra: Grandpa, Grandpa.
Frank: Oh, oh, sorry, kids. Don't say ass. Hey, that was fun.
Debra: Yeah!
Frank: Now let's have a real party. Marie, go get our marriage license.
Marie: You know, now that the place is all ours, I can't wait to redecorate and get rid of some of that old stuff. So long, Frank.

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Quote from Ray

Robert: Ma, Dad, congratulations. The house becomes part of your estate which in the old country would be passed down to the firstborn son.
Ray: In the old country, you'd be working in the circus.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, hey, it's the monkeys!
Ally: Hi, Daddy.
Debra: Yay, Daddy's home! How was Chicago?
Ray: What are you saying, I'm cheating on you? Is that it? She means nothing! I missed you. I miss all that fun stuff.
Ally: Daddy, what did you bring us?
Ray: What did I bring you? Um... Well, let's see, got something. I brought you something. Okay, for Michael some lovely: apricot shampoo. Ahh. For Geoffrey, conditioner! Mmm. All imported from the enchanted isle of Marriott. You having trouble getting your shoes on, Ally? Not anymore!
Debra: Ray.
Ray: Don't worry, I didn't forget you, my darling. For Mommy, something as sweet as she is some fine candies.
Debra: Aw, the mints from your pillow.
Ray: Yeah. As part of the hotel's turn-down service.
Debra: Well, tonight you're gonna get my turn-down service.
Ray: Well, I guess Mommy doesn't want peanuts from the sky.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Hi, everybody!
Marie: Oh, there you are!
Frank: What took you so long?
Robert: Yeah, you're just coming from across the street.
Ray: Yeah, well, I got confused and went to where I wished you lived.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Hey, listen, you know what your mom told me at that party? They don't have any friends.
Ray: You sound surprised.
Debra: Well, it's kind of sad. It's kind of sad.
Ray: Well, it's not sad for the people who would have to be their friends.
Debra: Except we have to be their friends.
Ray: That is a little sad.
Debra: Yeah. Look, we're their whole lives! It occurred to me that if they had more friends, we'd have less them.
Ray: Have you worked out a budget for this?

Quote from Frank

Frank: All right, break it up.
Ray: Oh, what do you want? We just saw you.
Marie: We just brought you some leftovers.
Ray: They don't qualify as leftovers if they're still warm.
Frank: Let's watch some highlights.
Marie: Frank, you already watched this game.
Frank: So I know how good the highlights will be. Let's not ruin these by talking.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Listen, we were on our way out, right?
Debra: Yes.
Marie: Wait, wait, wait, where are you going?
Debra: We're just going out to dinner. You guys make yourselves at home. Marie knows where everything is.
She put it there.

Quote from Robert

Robert: A common misconception is that a bull will charge when shown the color red. Actually, it's motion.

Quote from Marie

Debra: So, Marie, what happened? I thought you were gonna have a big party to celebrate.
Marie: It is a party. I made bruschetta.
Debra: Oh, I thought when you said you were having a party that would include... I don't know, some friends.
Marie: Oh, who has time for friends? Have a deviled egg, dear.
Debra: What do you mean, you don't have time for friends?
Marie: Well, after you and Raymond moved in, I mean, someone had to help you raise a family. So we just had to give up some things.
Debra: Your social life?
Marie: Well, we still have a social life.
[Frank unbuttons his pants]
Ray: Ma, Robert's eating all the deviled eggs, won't give me any.
Robert: They don't feed us enough in the circus.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, did my father give Geoffrey some wine today?
Debra: No, why?
Ray: 'Cause I was putting him to bed, and he said, "I love you, man."

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ahem, so, gosh, Marie, it must feel so liberating to own the house now, huh?
Marie: Yeah.
Debra: Gosh, think of all the things you can do now, like you could entertain more.
Frank: Geez, we just had a party. What are we, Studio 54?
Debra: No, really, you deserve your own social life. Especially now that all your house obligations are over, and we seem to be managing. Now might be the perfect time for you to say, "Hi, neighbor!"
Frank: [holds up TV remote] I got all the friends I need right here.
Marie: You see, Debra? I would love to start entertaining again, but if we have guests, what am I supposed to do with this?
Ray: Tell them that you lost a bet, and you've got to clean and feed him for another year.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Come on. We all know that Frank can be a lot of fun. Hey, you know who else is a lot of fun? The Mauers next door.
Marie: I like the Mauers.
Frank: No can do.
Debra: Why not?
Frank: Because I may or may not recently have flipped one of them the bird. [off Marie's look] What? He was trying to put a piece of garbage in our garbage can.
Marie: Well, that's no reason to flip them a bird.
Frank: Hey, I can't have the garbage man thinking I dye my hair.
Marie: Oh, so then all that is natural?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, you know who's cool? The Stipes.
Debra: Yes, the Stipes! Who?
Ray: You remember, those old nice people that Robert lived with first time he moved out. If they're still alive, they're very friendly.
Frank: I ran into the husband in the hardware store. He's actually not a jerk.
Debra: Well, see? It sounds like you guys would have a blast together!
Ray: You probably would.
Marie: But what are we supposed to do with these Stipes? I don't know, you could invite them over for dinner or drinks.
Ray: You could play "Guess What I Forgot."

Quote from Frank

Marie: What about a board game?
Debra: Yes, yes, a board game. Great idea.
Marie: Oh, that's a good idea, Debra. Frank, we're having company.
Frank: They better like swearing.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I know that dance. That's the l-wanna-have-sex-with-Ray dance. And here's my if-you-insist dance.
What are you- Don't laugh.

Quote from Frank

Marie: You remember the Stipes.
Frank: See, Harry, I told you he was home!
Ray: How may we help you?
Frank: Harry is a big fan of your column, and he wouldn't let up until we swung by to say hello.
Harry Stipe: Hello!
Debra: It's so nice to see you. Thanks for dropping by.
Frank: Hey, Ray, I told Harry you would let him see tomorrow's column today.
Harry Stipe: You know what I would really like? If you told me tomorrow's scores. Then I could make some bets!

Quote from Marie

Ray: Ma, what are you doing? Why did you bring them here?
Marie: Well, they wanted to see you.
Ray: Yeah, well, but Debra and I, we were happy.
Marie: Just five minutes.
Ray: No, Ma, no, no.
Marie: Why are you making such a big fuss over it? Our friends wanted to see you.
Ray: I want them to see you.
Marie: All right, okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry people like you so much. I'm sorry that I'm proud of you. I'm sorry that I raised you to be a nice boy.
Ray: [sighs] Five minutes.
Marie: Okay.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, you know who used to like tea? Joe DiMaggio.
Harry Stipe: No!
Ray: That's right, Mr. Coffee. And you know who used to like coffee? Mr. T. [laughter]

Quote from Debra

Ray: Hey swizzle.
Debra: Hey, don't get comfortable. The Stipes are over visiting your parents again. We gotta get out of here in case they decide to drop back over.
Ray: What about the kids?
Debra: Well, Robert's babysitting.
Ray: Do we have to go? I just got home, I'm tired. Can we just hide?
Debra: No, no, no, don't unbutton your shirt. Stop it, stop it, stop it!
Ray: Well, you don't know that they're definitely gonna come over.
Debra: Yeah, you'd probably love it if they did. You could do a revival of your one-man show "My Fair Raymond."
Ray: Hey, I was trying to help out. That's why I got stuck there. And where did you disappear to anyway?
Debra: I was in bed! It was midnight! You don't even have an intermission!

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, where's the candy? The kids want some candy.
Debra: The kids know they're not supposed to have candy at night.
Robert: Okay. I want candy.
Debra: It's on top of the fridge, Robert.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, Ray, how come you're not going over to see your new best friends the Stipes, huh? Mom was just going on and on about how they loved your stories.
Debra: See, Ray?
Ray: I was being polite!
Robert: You know they were my friends first. They would have loved my stories, too. I just happened to be in the sitz bath when they came over.

Quote from Ray

Seth Stipe: I love your baseball stuff.
Ray: Thanks.
Seth Stipe: Except you could be a little more objective about the Mets.
Ray: What?
Debra: Ray. Ray.
Seth Stipe: You seem to have a real axe to grind there.
Ray: Well you understand that they pay me to write my opinions, not to be objective. You know, I find that in sports writing if you pull your punches, you're gonna end up the one getting hit.
Harry Stipe: Oh. Now that's a pro, son. That's why you're still on that internet.
Seth Stipe: Hey, I bow to the master.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, Rita, Harry. Sorry I missed you last night.
Harry Stipe: Hey, Rodney!
Harry Stipe: So tell Seth that story you were telling us about the squirrel that ran up your leg at the Kingdome.
Rita Stipe: Oh, that was so funny!
Robert: Oh, you told them the squirrel story, huh, Ray? Isn't that Chuck Wilson's story?
Ray: It's not Chuck Wilson's story.
Robert: Yes, it is!
Ray: It's not.
Robert: I'll tell you a story. I was recently gored by a bull which is about 2000 times larger than a squirrel. You see, they were having an illegal rodeo...

Quote from Robert

Rita Stipe: Oh, here it is! Raymond, would you mind?
Ray: You wanna take my picture?
Rita Stipe: Yes.
Ray: Okay, yeah. All right.
Harry Stipe: Here, Rodney, would you mind getting a picture of all of us?
Robert: Why would I mind? Add a little insult to my injury.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Hey, hey, hey, where are you going?
Debra: I'm going to eat. I would ask you to come along but I see you have a girlfriend, and three boyfriends and another girlfriend.
Ray: Look, it's okay. They said I could see other people. Okay, all right, I'm sorry. Stop.
Debra: You have a problem.
Ray: Give me your keys. You can't drive in this condition. Come on. I don't have a problem.
Debra: This can't keep happening, Ray. You have a sick connection to your parents. You understand? This is sick!
Ray: All right. We've already been over that.
Debra: And you're worse now! You don't get enough attention from your parents, so you have to get an extra set? You're sick!

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh, I know, I know, but couldn't you just spend a few minutes with us? I mean, you hardly talked to Seth at all.
Ray: Well, Ma, I don't even know Seth, okay? I don't even know the Stipes. The Stipes are your friends. Why don't you just go and be with your friends?
Marie: Because we need you, Raymond.
Ray: What do you mean, you need me? Why? Dad's in there. He's funny.
Marie: No, he's not. Could you come in for just a few minutes?
Ray: No, no, no. Ma, it's enough, please, it's enough.
Marie: Okay, okay. Yeah. It's fine. I understand. It's just that I like to see you with them, because I don't get to see you like that anymore.
Ray: Like what?
Marie: Well, when you come over to the house now, it's just to eat or watch a game. It's different to see you excited when you're talking. I like it.

Quote from Debra

Rita Stipe: We're taking your parents to the big senior jamboree at the VFW!
Ray: Wow, senior jamboree! That's perfect! That's perfect for you, Ma. You'll have fun! You go, you'll have fun. Go ahead.
Debra: You should go too, Ray.
Ray: What?
Debra: Yeah, you were just telling your mom that you wanted to spend more time with them.
Harry Stipe: Yeah, come on with us, Ray. They're giving free eye tests tonight!
Ray: No! No, I mean, look, we wanted to go out to eat, right?
Debra: But you gotta give the people what they want.


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