Frank: The house is now paid off. And here's to the wonderful people at Lynbrook Mortgage. Thanks for the calendars, and you can all kiss my great American ass.
Debra: Grandpa, Grandpa.
Frank: Oh, oh, sorry, kids. Don't say ass. Hey, that was fun.
Debra: Yeah!
Frank: Now let's have a real party. Marie, go get our marriage license.
Marie: You know, now that the place is all ours, I can't wait to redecorate and get rid of some of that old stuff. So long, Frank.

Robert: Ma, Dad, congratulations. The house becomes part of your estate which in the old country would be passed down to the firstborn son.
Ray: In the old country, you'd be working in the circus.

Ray: Hey, hey, it's the monkeys!
Ally: Hi, Daddy.
Debra: Yay, Daddy's home! How was Chicago?
Ray: What are you saying, I'm cheating on you? Is that it? She means nothing! I missed you. I miss all that fun stuff.
Ally: Daddy, what did you bring us?
Ray: What did I bring you? Um... Well, let's see, got something. I brought you something. Okay, for Michael some lovely: apricot shampoo. Ahh. For Geoffrey, conditioner! Mmm. All imported from the enchanted isle of Marriott. You having trouble getting your shoes on, Ally? Not anymore!
Debra: Ray.
Ray: Don't worry, I didn't forget you, my darling. For Mommy, something as sweet as she is some fine candies.
Debra: Aw, the mints from your pillow.
Ray: Yeah. As part of the hotel's turn-down service.
Debra: Well, tonight you're gonna get my turn-down service.
Ray: Well, I guess Mommy doesn't want peanuts from the sky.

Debra: Hi, everybody!
Marie: Oh, there you are!
Frank: What took you so long?
Robert: Yeah, you're just coming from across the street.
Ray: Yeah, well, I got confused and went to where I wished you lived.

Debra: Hey, listen, you know what your mom told me at that party? They don't have any friends.
Ray: You sound surprised.
Debra: Well, it's kind of sad. It's kind of sad.
Ray: Well, it's not sad for the people who would have to be their friends.
Debra: Except we have to be their friends.
Ray: That is a little sad.
Debra: Yeah. Look, we're their whole lives! It occurred to me that if they had more friends, we'd have less them.
Ray: Have you worked out a budget for this?

Frank: All right, break it up.
Ray: Oh, what do you want? We just saw you.
Marie: We just brought you some leftovers.
Ray: They don't qualify as leftovers if they're still warm.
Frank: Let's watch some highlights.
Marie: Frank, you already watched this game.
Frank: So I know how good the highlights will be. Let's not ruin these by talking.

Ray: Listen, we were on our way out, right?
Debra: Yes.
Marie: Wait, wait, wait, where are you going?
Debra: We're just going out to dinner. You guys make yourselves at home. Marie knows where everything is.
She put it there.

Robert: A common misconception is that a bull will charge when shown the color red. Actually, it's motion.

Debra: So, Marie, what happened? I thought you were gonna have a big party to celebrate.
Marie: It is a party. I made bruschetta.
Debra: Oh, I thought when you said you were having a party that would include... I don't know, some friends.
Marie: Oh, who has time for friends? Have a deviled egg, dear.
Debra: What do you mean, you don't have time for friends?
Marie: Well, after you and Raymond moved in, I mean, someone had to help you raise a family. So we just had to give up some things.
Debra: Your social life?
Marie: Well, we still have a social life.
[Frank unbuttons his pants]
Ray: Ma, Robert's eating all the deviled eggs, won't give me any.
Robert: They don't feed us enough in the circus.

Ray: Hey, did my father give Geoffrey some wine today?
Debra: No, why?
Ray: 'Cause I was putting him to bed, and he said, "I love you, man."