Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Hackidu’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Hackidu

417. Hackidu

Aired February 21, 2000

Ray intervenes to stop Ally trading away her "Hackidu" cards.

Quote from Frank

Frank: I know one thing: kids love this card crap. When you were a kid, you were all loopy about Batman cards. You loved 'em, and our old picnic table was wobbly, and I took a bunch of those cards and stuck 'em under the leg.
Ray: I remember that. They got destroyed in the rain.
Robert: You're not gonna cry, are you, Raymond?
Frank: No, that's the thing. He didn't cry. He just looked betrayed. It tore my heart out. I- I I can't forget that look. Stop it!
Ray: What?
Frank: That look. There it is! Stop it!
Ray: I'm not doing anything!
Frank: Don't lie. It's subtle but it's there. Hey, I'm sorry about your cards already. It's the one thing I did wrong.
Robert: The one thing? How about when I was and you backed your car over my big toe?
Frank: Doesn't ring a bell.

Rate

Quote from Marie

Marie: What kind of cards?
Ray: Nothing, Ma. Just this Korean thing the kids are into now.
Marie: Oh, Hackidu. What card did she have?
Ray: I don't know. Scrami-something or other.
Marie: A Scramisaur?
Debra: You know about this stuff?
Marie: A little. Scramisaur is the fastest creature on Hackidu mountain. He starts off as a Slugowog, very slow. And he can only evolve into a Scramisaur if he gets the sonic crystal. That's why Scramisaurs are rare and valuable. [off everyone's confusion] I'm Grandma. I have this and candy.

Quote from Robert

Debra: No, Frank, Bill Parker's not like that. Where you going?
Ray: I got a little unfinished business with your boyfriend.
Marie: Boyfriend?
Robert: Well, this could explain why all the kids are blond.
Debra: And smart.

Quote from Frank

Robert: Well, wait a minute, Mom. How valuable is this Scramisaur card?
Marie: Oh, you can't find 'em in the stores. Believe me, I looked. But if you find one mint condition, no creases, that's $65.
Ray: $65?
Frank: Holy crap! This is the work of the North Koreans.

Quote from Frank

Marie: You had a Scramisaur, and you lost it?
Debra: Yep. What do you know, Ray? Ally knew what she was doing all along.
Frank: Or Parker did.
Ray: What?
Frank: You, sir, are a numbskull.
Robert: Numbskullawog.
Ray: Now wait a minute. Parker, he- Parker didn't know. He was just trying to show me what a great dad he is.
Frank: He took you for a ride, Satchmo.
Ray: Come on.
Frank: Hey, wake up. You think this is just Hackidu cards? You think it's about Daddy and setting a nice example for a little boy? This is business. This is 65 bucks. Pull your head out of your pants.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Listen, I want to talk to you. Come over here. I know I know you want that Scramisaur. But there are some people out there and all they want to do is get rich. So they make kids think that things are more valuable than they really are. Things like pieces of paper with pictures on 'em.
Ally: You mean like money?
Ray: No, no, no. No, money is important pieces of paper with pictures on it. Look, what Daddy doesn't like about the Hackidu people is that they've made you believe that this Scramisaur thing is worth $65.
Ally: $65?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, that's why you wanted it, right?
Ally: No.
Ray: Well, why'd you trade all your cards for it?
Ally: 'Cause Scramisaur's my favorite. I love him.
Ray: What do you mean you love him? That's the only reason you wanted it?
Ally: Yeah. [Ray sighs] It's okay, Daddy. [Ally puts her arm around Ray]

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, how much longer we gotta help out with this thing?
Debra: Ray, all the parents have to do their time. Come on, you don't see Bill Parker complaining.
Ray: Oh, Bill Parker. Mr. Look-At-Me-I'm-King-of-the-Carnival.
Debra: Oh, come on. He's doing it for the school. He's a good father.
Ray: Oh, what, he's a better father than me? Is that what you're saying? I'm not a good father?
Debra: Wanna be a good father? Go help out in the childcare room.
Ray: I'll go. They got a TV in there?

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'll be back to check on those, and they better be spot-free, okay? This isn't like home, where I let that stuff slide. [Debra sprays Ray with the cleaning fluid] Hey hey! Come on! My ankles. You wet my ankles. What's wrong with you? That's toxic, that stuff. That sinks right through the socks and into the skin.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Frank, I'm sick of this. Go clean your whiskers out of the sink.
Frank: After you.

Quote from Ray

Ray: You know what might be the fairer thing to, like, even the trade out, maybe Ally could could give your son just a couple cards for that Scrabby-something, whatever that thing whatever they call it.
Bill Parker: I don't know. They have the weirdest names.
Ray: Yeah, that Hackidu. I think that's Korean for "stupid Americans," huh?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, listen, you know, if you want to know the truth, my mother has this connection with the kid and that card. And my mother kind of wants to give it to her 'cause you know, she's old. So you know what? Why don't I just give you a couple bucks and you can get a couple more cards for your son? And I can tell Ally that my mother gave it to her, and we make the old lady happy.
Bill Parker: You wanna buy it?
Ray: Yeah, I'll buy it. Just be done with it. Who cares? Whatever. So what do you think, like three bucks?
Bill Parker: I was thinking more like 100.
Ray: You knew! You knew. You knew, didn't you, Parker? You knew all along.
Bill Parker: Yeah, like you didn't. Telling me sad stories about your mother. Everyone knows you hate your mother.
Ray: That's my Scramisaur.
Bill Parker: No, it's my Scramisaur.
Ray: You ripped me off.
Bill Parker: A deal's a deal. No givesies-backsies.
Ray: No, you givesy-backsy first.
Bill Parker: Tough noogies, Barone.
Ray: It isn't tough noogies. Wait till I tell my wife the guy she thinks is better than me is not! There's your king. There's your king. Long live the king, right? Taking advantage of a little girl. That's who you're working for. Don't- Quit. Don't work. Come on. Come on. He's taking advantage of all of you. He looks nice. He's the iceman. That's who he is. Come on, everybody. Come on. Come on. Let's go!

Quote from Ray

Ally: Daddy, did you get my Scramisaur back?R
Ray: Well, here's the thing, honey. It turns out that Mommy's hero Mr. Parker is a big stinkin'-
Debra: Ray!
Ray: No, I couldn't get the cards back, Ally. I tried.
Ally: Oh.
Ray: Yeah, I even went to a lot of stores. They don't have Hackidu cards. But I did get you this. Huh? It's a troll on a pencil. Hey hey whoa! Somebody needs their hair combed.
Ally: Thank you.
Robert: You gotta hand it to little Ally. She didn't cry. She just looked betrayed.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Why'd you get 'em hooked on the cards anyway?
Debra: Me? You're the one that had 'em watch the TV show. That leads to the cards.
Ray: I didn't know that was the show. I was just turning the TV on to keep 'em quiet.
Debra: Well, why don't you read 'em a book?
Ray: Oh, reading, that's your answer for everything.
Debra: Do you even know how to read?

Quote from Ray

Robert: It's Amy's brother Russell. He owns a comic book shop. He's got cards there.
Ray: "Russell's Vintage Comics."
Robert: Yeah, he's a good guy. If anyone has Scramisaur, he does.
Ray: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This is in Hohokus, New Jersey, all right? I'm not going all the way out to freakin' Hohokus. Come on. It's an hour and a half! Some of that's still Indian territory.
Debra: Ray, you-
Ray: No, look, I'm sorry Ally's upset, but I'll talk to her, all right? I'm putting an end to this card baloney. $65, come on.
Robert: [sings] Buy 'em, buy 'em, Hackidu.
Ray: Yeah, okay, knock it off, upper-thigh-hole.

Quote from Ray

Russell: Let me tell you about your brother. My little sister put two childbearing years into Gigantor. Then he dumps her without so much as a smack-me-bum.
Ray: I don't really know what you mean, but I think Amy was the one who broke up with Robert without the smack-your-bum.
Russell: Can you blame her? I mean, the guy's got no backbone. He can't commit to anything. What kind of person's that?
Ray: Well, you know, Robert and I, we're really not that close.

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode