Ray: Look, Dad, you weren't supposed to hear the eulogy.
Frank: Yeah, I guess I screwed you up by not being dead.
Ray: Come on, I was just... I was writing it for myself, all right? I don't want you to die.
Frank: Look, I don't care what your screwed-up reason for writing a funeral speech was. I hated that bunny! And by the way, you never cleaned the cage. It was dirty. You kids "Daddy, buy me a bunny. We'll take care of it." I was lied to.
Ray: I was eight.
Frank: And already a liar.
Ray: All right, Dad, I'm sorry.
Frank: I had to pet that bunny. Every night.
Ray: Every night?
Frank: Every night! The damn bunny needed some attention. And that's the thanks I get.

Debra: Frank, it's a nice memory. He thinks it's sweet.
Frank: I don't give a rat's tail what he thinks. It never happened.
Ray: All right, Dad, what are you making a big deal for?
Frank: Because you make things up.
Ray: I don't think so.
Debra: Frank, Ray's trying to share something with you.
Frank: Share a lie?
Debra: No, no. About you. When he saw you pet that bunny-
Frank: I didn't pet a bunny.

Frank: Who told you this?
Stan: My wife.
Frank: How the hell does she know anything about this?
Garvin: Your wife. She knows how to get the word out. It's like tom-toms. Frank pet a bunny. Frank pet a bunny.
Frank: You're telling people this?
Marie: Frank, you should be proud of it. Finally you're loveable.
Frank: Would you stop?! I am not loveable, all right?! I am not sweet! I fought in Korea! I am no bunny-petter!

Ray: Look, I was writing a real appreciation for someone else, and l... I don't know. I just had some thoughts about what I might say for Dad.
Debra: An appreciation of your father. Really?
Robert: And you know what I'd like to know? Why would you just assume that you get to do the eulogy, hmm? What's gonna be my job at the funeral, keeping your screaming fans off the stage?

Ray: You know what? I'm just gonna watch the game with Dad.
Marie: He doesn't have it.
Ray: What?
Marie: The picture you're looking for.
Ray: What- What are you talking about?
Marie: The one with your father's eulogy on the back.
Ray: Oh, Ma! Did he see it?
Marie: Of course not!
Ray: Look, I know it's awful and it's morbid and it's weird.
Marie: Uh-huh. Just tell me one thing: Where's mine?

Debra: And that example of sweet is?
Ray: You think I don't got it. I got it. When Robert and I were kids, we had this bunny we kept in a cage in the back. I named him Hoppy.
Debra: Hoppy?
Ray: I'm a writer. Anyway, my dad, he always told me he hated him. But then one day in the middle of the night, I come down to get some juice, and I go in the kitchen and I look out the window, and I see him there. And he's got the cage open, and he's sitting down next to it, petting Hoppy. He was... He was being all gentle. So I don't know, I just something about seeing him like that, it just stayed with me. I guess I just like thinking about him like that. [Debra is crying] See? I told you it's good stuff!
Debra: That's so sad.
Ray: Well, that's what you want in a eulogy. The guy's dead.

Ray: What?
Marie: You wrote a tribute for your father. Where's mine?
Ray: It's not a tribute. It's just- I doodled a couple things. It's nothing.
Marie: Uh-huh. So I don't get one.
Ray: Ma, this is a eulogy. I didn't write yours because... Because even thinking about it would make me too too sad.
Marie: Oh. Oh, sweet. I'd like to see something by Wednesday.

Ray: Hey, how's Dad doing?
Marie: You didn't tell him about the eulogy, did you?
Ray: No. Why?
Marie: Because ever since he got back yesterday, he's been in a terrible mood. Debra, did you give him something to eat?

Frank: I'm telling you, I hate that bunny story! Why the hell would you want to remember me like that? I wanted you to know I was tough! I worked hard at that!
Ray: All right, look, the bunny thing, the only reason I even remember it is 'cause it's so unlike you. You were the toughest son of a bitch I ever knew.
Frank: You gonna put that in?
Ray: I could.
Frank: Write it down before you forget it.
Ray: All right. And I'll... I'll take the bunny thing out.
Frank: No, no, no, no. Maybe leave that in.
Ray: Yeah?
Frank: No, I don't know. I'm not sure now. You know what? Surprise me.

Michael: Hi, Uncle Robert. I drew a picture of you, Uncle Robert.
Robert: Oh!
Michael: And that's Mommy in the picture, too.
Robert: Oh, great. And where is your dad?
Michael: I didn't draw him.
Robert: May I keep this?
Ray: Yeah, well, they're not done yet. They still gotta draw the bolts in your neck.
Robert: Now, that, Raymond, is not nice, and that's why you're not in the picture.