Frank: What kind of food do they serve here?
Debra: I believe it's French.
Warren: Ever been to France?
Marie: Oh, no, we're not world travelers.
Lois: Oh, France is so lovely. You have to go.
Frank: I don't appreciate the French... as a people. I find them annoying. Truly.

Lois: Oh, I love Stomp.
Frank: Who's Stomp?
Debra: It's sort of like a rhythmic dance. These guys, sort of bang together anything they can find... trash cans, hub caps, brooms.
Frank: And you loved it?
Lois: Oh. Loved it. We're going back.
Frank: How much do they charge for this?
Warren: $40.
Frank: For $20, I'll bang on my garbage cans till your ears bleed.

Robert: Isn't this one of those joints with those dressed-up waiters?
Ray: Yeah. What's wrong with dressed-up waiters?
Robert: They give me the willies. They just put me on the spot, you know? It's like authority figures.
Ray: Authority figures? You're a police sergeant. You out-rank the waiter.
Robert: Yeah, but how is he going to know?

Lois: Honey, this is beautiful. I love Peruvian art.
Debra: It's Incan.
Lois: Machu Picchu.
Warren: Gesundheit.
Lois: He always says that.
Ray: And it's funny every time.

Warren: Remember that time in Provence?
Lois: Oh, this is funny. [laughs]
Warren: We were in Provence... and I asked our waiter, "What are all these little herbs sprinkled on everything?" And the waiter says, "Herbes de Provence." [Lois laughs]
Ray: Oh, Warren.

Warren: Frank, I assure you, it's okay. We've been here before.
Frank: So you don't even know when you're being taken?
Ray: Dad, nobody's being taken, all right? Calm down. Just try to enjoy yourself.
Debra: Frank has an eye for value.
Marie: You're really comfortable in a place like this? I mean, it seems so unnecessary.
Lois: Well, of course, it's not necessary, Marie. It's a luxury. But sometimes a little luxury is necessary.
Marie: What does that mean?

Ray: These people shouldn't be at the same table together. They shouldn't be in the same state. My parents like to stay home and watch TV, and your parents honeymoon in Cambodia.
Warren: Excuse me, Sri Lanka.
Ray: Well, who cares?
Debra: Ray!
Ray: I mean, I care. I care, okay. And I know you care because that's the kind of people you are. You like to make jokes about herbs that nobody gets... and you go to France, and you go to Stomp! And you go to some basement in a village... to watch a transvestite carve a yam into a monkey.
Lois: Why, Ray... I had no idea you felt that way about us.
Ray: I don't, I don't. I don't feel that way. I don't, I'm just... I'm making conversation.

Gerard: Hello, I'm Gerard. Here are your menus.
Robert: Excuse me, but there's so much silverware on the table. What's all this silverware for?
Gerard: For you to eat with.
Marie: No, that's too much. I mean, this is wasteful. I've got five forks. Take three back. And all these plates means extra washing. Give me your plates.
Frank: Me, too. I don't need all these glasses. How many mouths do you think I got?
Ray: I have too many parents. Could you take one of them, please?

Marie: Will you stop? You're driving me nuts, Frank. I said stop! This is who you are now? Tearing out coupons
like you're in a home for old ladies?
Frank: I find it relaxing.
Marie: Oh. Fish sticks?
Frank: Yes.
Marie: You don't eat fish sticks. I once made them for you and you said that's not the way God wanted fish.
Frank: You never made them.
Marie: I did, too.
Frank: Not for me. When did you make fish sticks?
Marie: When they first came out.

Ray: Come on, Ma, they don't come that often.
Marie: No, they're too busy gallivanting around the world.
Frank: Where did they go for Christmas last year? Morocco?
Ray: So what?
Frank: Well, what are they trying to prove?
Marie: They're so pretentious. I always have to hear about how beautiful it is in Connecticut.
Ray: Look, you have to see your in-laws. They're gonna be across the street. What, are you gonna hide?
Frank: I've got a chair now up in the attic.