Ray: Okay, here's something. You know how when you're sleeping and you, you kind of stop breathing? When you're married, there's always someone there to nudge you alive. All right, I don't know what I'm talking about. Look, look, this is marriage. You wake up in the morning and she's there. You come home at night and she's there. You eat, she's there. You go to sleep, there. And I know that sounds like a bad thing. But it's not. It's not. Not if it's the right person. Then it's good. It's good. It's really, really good.
Frank: I would like a minute for rebuttal.
Marie: If I were you, I wouldn't stop breathing in my sleep.
Ray: Okay, bad example.

Robert: I don't need any more advice, okay? I have my own reasons for not wanting to get married just yet.
Marie: All right, what?
Robert: You really want to know, Ma? Part of it is I've lived with you for most of my life. I've never been on my own. And I finally get my own place and Amy is already bringing me plants. I love Amy, but I'm not ready for plants.
Marie: I think you're being selfish, Robby.
Robert: Good! It's about time. 'Cause this is my life. Not yours, not yours, not yours and not even Raymond's. Raymond had nothing to do with this decision. I made it. Me! And if you think I made a mistake, I don't care. That's right, because I'm in charge of me now. And now if you'll excuse me, I'm going home. To my home. The Crown view Apartments, unit 9-F. It still says Chung on the buzzer downstairs, but that's me.

Ray: I'm kidding. I'm just kidding. I was- I'm joking, that's- You know men do that. We joke around about stuff like, like marriage. Right, Dad?
Frank: I don't know what you're talking about.
Ray: Come on! Like how about when you joke about how you wish a tidal wave would come and sweep Mom out to sea.
Frank: I have never been more serious about anything in my entire life.

Ray: I haven't had a chance because I've been waiting all day for Debra's damn curtains!
Robert: Curtains? What is it with the curtains? Amy's got a thing with the curtains too. What's with the curtains?
Ray: Tell me about it. I'm sitting here in my own filth for three hours waiting for curtains while Debra is off at all kinds of parties.
Robert: Parties?
Ray: Yeah, yeah. This is my life now. I'm a hostage. Trapped inside these four, all the walls here in this area.
Robert: What do you mean, hostage?
Ray: I'm a hostage! Look at me. I'm trying to blink you a message.
Robert: Huh? Come on, what are you saying? You're not happy?
Ray: I'm happy. I'm as happy as she lets me be. I sleep when she lets me sleep. I eat what she lets me eat. The only reason she keeps me alive is to open jars and kill bugs.

Debra: No, no, you can't shower, honey. You won't be able to hear the delivery guy.
Ray: What delivery guy?
Debra: I told you he's coming today. If we miss it again the package goes back.
Ray: Well, why can't he just leave it at the front door?
Debra: Because it's my very expensive balloon curtains.
Ray: Balloon curtains? What, I'm gonna have to blow something up now?
Debra: No, they're just like puffy drapes for our bedroom. You're gonna like them.
Ray: Yeah, okay, but what time is he coming?
Debra: Between 9:00 and 1:00.
Ray: Oh, so this is it? This is my whole day now.

Robert: You might want to cinch that robe. You got a little fruit coming out of the loom.

Robert: I know you, Raymond. You wouldn't trade this for anything.
Ray: I'll trade it all right now for a pack of cigarettes.
Robert: Well, Ray, I can see I caught you on a bad day.
Ray: Oh, it's every day.
Robert: Every day? I was at your wedding. I was there when you brought home your little girl, your twin boys.
Ray: Yeah, okay, there's some perks. But that's how they hook you. You know what I'm doing tomorrow night? I'm going to see a movie.
Robert: So what's wrong with that?
Ray: Debra's movie. Yeah, the one with the mother who has the disease and the daughter who learns to care about the mother who has the disease. Yeah, yeah. Huh, who wants to see that sniffle bag? I want to see the one-- the one with the guy with the gun and the car chases and the nudity that has no meaning.
Robert: I saw that one. It was good.
Ray: Sure, rub it in. Why don't you spank a supermodel in front of me?

Ray: Ah, witnesses. You kill me, you've got to kill them too.
Marie: How dare you?
Ray: Oh, boy.
Marie: You just can't stop ruining your brother's life, can you?
Ray: I didn't do anything.
Marie: First, you drive him out of my home. Now you take away my grandchildren.
Ray: What?
Marie: If you hadn't interfered they would've gotten married. And Amy would've had four children right away. That's what we talked about.
Frank: She had good hips, that one.
Marie: I put two years into that girl. When I first met her, she didn't even want children. Now it's all gone because Robby talked to this one.
Frank: You've upset your mother. She came to me looking for comfort. I'm not set up for that!

Robert: Hey. I'm glad you're all here together because I have an announcement to make and you might as well hear it from me. Amy and I-
Frank: We already heard she dumped you.
Marie: Look at him. No wife, no children. Pathetic!
Robert: Thanks for the kind words.

Ray: I was gonna go hit a bucket of balls with Robert.
Debra: Oh, you can do that anytime.
Ray: No, Robert can do it anytime. Now was going to be my anytime and I can't do it. So lucky Robert.
Debra: You'll be fine, you have the TV all to yourself.
Ray: That's your answer for everything, just plop me in front of the TV, right?
Debra: I'll bring you a goody bag.
Ray: Hey, why do we need curtains in the bedroom anyway? It's not like anyone is ever naked in there.