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‘Boys' Therapy’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Boys' Therapy

906. Boys' Therapy

Aired November 15, 2004

After Ray and Frank agree to join Robert at his therapy session, the guys back out and go to the racetrack instead.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Oh my God, look at this. We gotta bet this horse. This is a big horse. A sure thing. This horse is unstoppable.
Robert: "Marie's Mouth."
Ray: This is a sign from God. We're supposed to be here.
Frank: I'm in! I'm way in. Care for a piece, Robert?
Robert: It is a good sign.

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Quote from Frank

Frank: Grandpa Sal, very scary. He once made Mussolini wet himself. My dad used to tell me horrible stories about how his father used to hit him... when he wasn't hitting me.
Robert: Grandpa Joe hit you?
Frank: Sure. I got hit every day.
Ray: Wow, Dad. I didn't know it was like that for you.
Frank: It was like that for everybody. That's just the way it was.
Ray: So your dad's dad hit him, he hit you, and you never really hit us.
Frank: I couldn't. I don't know. I was always weaker than him.
Robert: Maybe you didn't want to be like him.
Frank: I didn't.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Oh, Frank, I can't wait to talk more about this. I always say nothing is more important than discussing one's feelings, and now we can have real discussions.
Frank: Yeah. About that Dr. Greenberg advised me to have a cone of silence.
Marie: A cone of silence?
Frank: Yes, I need a cone of silence around me whenever I feel "Bad Frank" coming on. He suggested a 10-foot radius. [Marie starts to back away] A little more. That's good, honey.
Marie: Oh, Chi Chi. I'll do anything if it means you're mentally balanced.
Frank: The balance feels good now.

Quote from Frank

Marie: What did you think, Frank?
Frank: Well, when you were yanking me into this, I was, as you know, very skeptical. But then I got there, and I have to say... it really paid off. And I owe it all to Marie's Mouth.
Marie: I'm so happy I helped.
Ray: To Marie's Mouth!

Quote from Frank

Amy: Robert's been seeing Dr. Greenberg every Tuesday.
Ray: What, your therapist?
Marie: Oh, that's wonderful, Robbie.
Frank: How does he do it, push two couches together? [Frank & Ray laugh]

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh, my cousin Bella happens to be a top psychiatrist.
Frank: She's a hideous monster.
Marie: For years, she's offered to come up from South Carolina to stay with us for some emergency marriage counseling. I'm gonna call her right now.
Frank: Put down that phone.
Marie: She's gonna stay with us as long as it takes to make you a person.
Frank: All right! I'll go with them to the thing.
Marie: Oh, he's gonna have therapy!
Ray: Dad!
Debra: Oh, my gosh, he's going to therapy!
Amy: I can't believe it!
Marie: Wonderful day! Oh, and Frank, don't be afraid to let them keep you for observation.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Yeah, I actually have something I need to get off my chest.
Robert: What is it, Dad?
Frank: I'm not going in there.
Robert: What?
Frank: I'm not going in there, and I would never set foot in some voodoo man's sucker trap not for all the tea in China, nor for all the Chinese waitresses who bring the tea. There. I feel better.

Quote from Frank

Robert: This is not what I had in mind.
Frank: Oh, no? We're up 500 bucks. Maybe you should start having that in mind, phone pole.
Ray: Yeah, phone pole, 'cause you're big.

Quote from Ray

Debra: So what else did Dr. Greenberg say?
Ray: Well, he said that I've actually been in denial with my feelings towards Robert. Yeah. I think I love him now.
Amy: This is so sweet.
Ray: And we realize how lucky we are to have you guys at home too. You know, Dr. Greenberg said that our marital companions can help our situation even further.
Debra: Oh, fine with me. How?
Ray: Well... We all have, you know, tension. And- And whatever you can do to alleviate, you know... Dr. Greenberg said. [chuckles]
Debra: I'm happy to help.

Quote from Robert

Ray: What excuse did you give Dr. Greenberg this week?
Robert: Oh, I didn't even talk to him this week. I told him I was gonna be working undercover for a while, and when I came back, I'd have plenty of issues.
Frank: What kind of issues?
Robert: I told him I had to dress as a woman, and I had to borrow the outfit from my mother.
Ray: Oh, yeah. That's perfect.
Robert: I know.
Frank: If he only knew what a sick bastard you really are.
Robert: I know!

Quote from Frank

Ray: All right, so what's gonna be our breakthrough for today?
Robert: Okay, let's see. The last thing I told the wives is that we were working on Dad's withholding of affection when we were kids.
Frank: Good, good.
Robert: And how it impacted negatively on us. For instance, whenever I did something I always felt that Dad was disappointed in me. Not to mention the neglect and verbal abuse.
Ray: Okay. So what can we say as to why you were like that? You know, unreceptive to our needs and stuff?
Frank: Right, right. Why was I like that? 'Cause you two were a couple of monkey's asses.
Ray: Okay. I think that might be the verbal abuse you're talking about, Robert.

Quote from Frank

Frank: No. You know, I been thinking about this since last week. You know what you two's problems were? You took all that abuse stuff personally.
Robert: Of course we took it personally. You're our father!
Frank: It was just business.
Robert: This isn't exactly what they call a triumph of analysis. What else you got?
Frank: What else you got?
Ray: Okay. How about, uh you were withdrawn from your relationship with us because your father was like that with you?
Frank: That's friggin' great.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Is it 6:00 yet?
Debra: Almost. The boys should be home from therapy soon.
Marie: Isn't it wonderful? Frank's a new man. It's like I'm cheating.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Well, it's subconscious, which is why we have to keep going.
Frank: Hello, beauties.
Ray: Something smells good, and I'm not talking about dinner.
Robert: Hey there, baby doll. How about giving Daddy a little sugar?
Debra: Good session today?
Ray: Oh, great great. Some major breakthroughs.
Robert: Better than major. General. Four-star general breakthroughs.
Frank: I gotta be honest I feel really great. Since I've been in analysis, my whole outlook is different. That Dr. Greenberg was sent from heaven.
Debra: Hey, look at this.
Ray: What do you got? [reads newspaper] I thought he looked a little pale when we left.

Quote from Marie

Amy: It was a heart attack, Robert. He died last week.
Robert: Oh. Ohh!
Frank: What is it? Give me that. [reads newspaper] Good night.
Marie: Where do you think you're going, Frank?
Frank: The news is depressing. I'm gonna lie down.
Marie: Frank, you'd better take a good look at this section, 'cause you're gonna be in there tomorrow.
Ray: Well, maybe not tomorrow. Looks like it takes a week.

Quote from Frank

Marie: How dare you?! I'm married to a mentally diseased, gambling psychopath.
Frank: Oh, yeah? I won! I won! And I'm glad what I done. It's a good thing we didn't go to the headshrinker. I told you guys therapy was a crock. They take your money and then when you need the guy, like today, he's doing something else.

Quote from Debra

Debra: This is unbelievable, Ray.
Ray: No, Debra, come on, look. This was supposed to make us happier, right? Well, we're all happy now.
Debra: This is dirty happiness. You know what you did. You played on our sensitivities. You took advantage of us. You knew I would be so proud of you that I'd let you slide on everything around here, including me.


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