TV Quotes

Robert: [chuckles] What? They drive into the house?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah.
Ally: What happened?
Ray: Grandma and Grandpa stopped by.

Charlotte Sterling: It was really nice meeting you.
Ray: All right. Okay. I'll get out of your way. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you didn't get to see Debra at her best. It's hard for her to be at her best all the time 'cause she's got so much to put up with. You know, there's me. I'm a much bigger problem than I look. And I don't know if she told you this, but my parents live across the street. Yeah, that's right. You know that guy that was bothering you on the phone? Imagine two of them coming over every day for the rest of your life. And she's already, she's juggling the kids and the school and the gymnastics. All right. Well, anyway, I'm sorry. You know what? You can refile that.
Charlotte Sterling: Gosh, I had no idea. How many kids do you have?
Ray: Seven.

Ray: But the twins can sleep. How come they're not afraid of monsters?
Debra: I don't know. One of them sleeps while the other one's on guard duty.

Marie: Oh, that was so sweet. You two celebrating your anniversary like this... We used to be happy, remember, Frank?
Frank: Then the meteor hit and killed all the dinosaurs. Except for one.

Debra: Marie, I said something stupid to Frank, but that doesn't mean I think I'm better than him.
Marie: Methinks thou doth protest...
Debra: Oh, don't say, "Methinks thou doth protest too much."
Marie: All right. I won't say it but methinks it.

Robert: Never mind the cannolis, Ma. Take this Bible and tell me you don't spend more money on Raymond's Christmas gifts than mine!
Marie: That's ridiculous!
Robert: Fifth grade bike, slippers. Tell the truth!
Marie: Those slippers were very expensive.
Robert: Take the book!

Debra: I can't sleep! I'm seething! She actually has me seething!
Ray: You know what? You shouldn't let her ruin your evening. And probably the best way to get even with her is to just just do what you had planned, you know? I mean, for instance, if you were gonna watch TV, then just watch TV. Or if you were gonna do something, I don't know, interactive.
Debra: What? Are you trying' to have sex now?
Ray: No, no, no. I'm just brainstorming.
Debra: Yeah. Forget it. Your mother's ruined the whole night, just like she's ruined every other night! [tries to read a book] Oh, what the hell! [kisses Ray]