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‘The Family Bed’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Family Bed

218. The Family Bed

Aired March 2, 1998

Ray wants Ally to stop sleeping in their bed, but Debra isn't a fan of his tough love approach.

Quote from Debra

Ray: But the twins can sleep. How come they're not afraid of monsters?
Debra: I don't know. One of them sleeps while the other one's on guard duty.


Quote from Marie

Robert: You know, when I had trouble sleeping, Mom used to do something for me. Remember that, Ma? One of my best memories growing up. She'd give me a warm cup of that colored sugar water. Put me right out.
Frank: That was booze.
Robert: Booze?
Marie: Frank!
Frank: A stiff shot of sambuca in there, and it was, "Lights out, Bobby!"
Robert: You gave me liquor?
Marie: Not liquor, dear. Liqueur.
Robert: I don't believe it. All those special times, they were just-
Frank: Happy hours.
Robert: Oh, you are sick!
Marie: Oh, we were good parents. We didn't give you cashews 'cause you could choke on them.
Frank: What's the big deal? It's not like we let him drive that way.

Quote from Marie

Robert: I don't want to hear it, Ma.
Marie: It was for your own good.
Robert: For my own good? Just like the ice cream truck? Remember that? You told me every time the music played that meant they were out of ice cream. [walks off]
Marie: Sugar's not good for you.
Ray: It is the worst thing for a hangover.

Quote from Ray

Debra: What? What's wrong? What happened?
Ray: You kicked me.
Debra: I did?
Ray: Oh, right in the garden of good and evil.
Debra: Honey, I'm sorry. What is- Oh, I think we found the kicker.
Ray: What is she doing in our bed again? It's every night. Good God, y'all!
Debra: Honey, is there anything I can do?
Ray: You can learn to love half a man.

Quote from Marie

Marie: You know something, Raymond? Maybe it's Debra's cooking. That's why Ally gets up in the middle of the night. Because of the terrible indigestion.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Hey, I know what's going on. You got to do something. It affects the marriage. Am I wrong?
Ray: We... Whatever.
Frank: Look, I remember what we used to do when you were a kid.
Ray: Maybe I shouldn't hear about this.
Frank: Tough love. Every time you crawled into our bed, I'd say, "Marie, take him back." Oh, you bawled your little eyes out but after a while, you got with the program.
Ray: I don't think I could put Ally through that.
Frank: Well, what are you going to do? You're going to turn your girl into a sissy? You can't coddle your children, 'cause when you send them out there they're going to move right back in with you.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Nobody checked this with me.
Marie: Why should they? It's none of your business.
Frank: Where you sleep is my business!
Marie: Oh, yeah?
Frank: That's right. You're my wife. You sleep with me.
Marie: You care where I sleep all of a sudden?
Frank: I don't care! I just can't sleep without you!
Marie: Oh, Frank, that's the sweetest thing you've ever said to me.
Frank: Don't kiss me with that stuff!

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ally, what are you doing up, sweetie?
Ally: Can I sleep in your bedroom?
Ray: Oh, no. Not this time, honey, okay? Look, you have a beautiful Swedish bed that took Daddy three days to put together.

Quote from Ray

Ray: What did you do that for?
Debra: She's having trouble sleeping alone. She needs her rest.
Ray: Her rest? What about my rest?
Debra: Ray, she's afraid of monsters. Come on.
Ray: Well, I'm afraid of her.

Quote from Robert

Marie: What's the matter? What did you do to yourself?
Ray: My back is a little stiff, that's all. I slept half off the bed last night 'cause I didn't want to get kicked again.
Marie: Raymond, a married couple should never go to bed angry.
Robert: Not a hard and fast rule in this house.
Ray: Look, it's not about Debra and me. It's about Ally. She keeps sleeping in our bed at night.
Robert: Monsters?
Ray: How'd you know?
Robert: Oh, I know.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Did you drink from this already?
Debra: No.
Ray: Well, the top didn't pop.
Debra: What?
Ray: Did you check it at the supermarket? 'Cause the top was popped up already.
Debra: It's fine, Ray.
Ray: You got to check them when you buy them.
Debra: Why don't you buy them? Then you can check them!
Ray: Yeah, if I bought them, I wouldn't buy one that had been tampered with.
Debra: Nobody tampered with it. I just had some.
Ray: You just said you didn't.
Debra: I forgot.
Ray: Well, when you opened it, did it pop up-
Debra: I don't know! I am tired!
Ray: I'm not drinking this. I'll wait and see what happens to you.

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