TV Quotes

Ray: You know, you're not supposed to ask people who they vote for. That's why we folded our votes and put it in the shoebox with tape around it, and they locked it up in the school cafe-gym-a-torium as our forefathers did.

Ray: What? You told people you don't know me?
Debra: Of course. You were acting like a goofball.
Ray: I don't care what I was doing. You denied knowing me at the potluck?
Debra: You were stuffing your pants with food.
Ray: I'm your husband. You're supposed to support me no matter what's in my pants.

Ray: Didn't you just say, "partners for better or worse, standing up on each other"
Debra: Oh, don't even. It's not the same thing, and you know it. You embarrassed me.
Ray: I didn't do anything different at that potluck that I don't do at any other public place you drag me to. I have always liked beef! And I have always tried to get as much of it as I could at any function! But even before that happened, you made it very clear that I embarrass you getting up on me about shaving, and telling me to stand up straight and tuck in my shirt, like like I wasn't good enough for you. Now I find out you actually told people that you don't know me? I would never do that to you.

Debra: You were against this all along. You can't support me for one minute!
Ray: Oh, come on, I support you. When you had 15 meetings this week, who took care of the kids? Putting them to bed and running gallons of water upstairs like Gunga Din?
Debra: First of all, it was two meetings, and you complained the whole time. We all know why you didn't vote for me, Ray. You were afraid if I win, I might get out of this house and you might have to get off your butt and do something. You want me locked in this house. Your vote was a vote for slavery!
Ray: I have always spoken out against slavery.
Debra: Not in this house. Not in this marriage. You don't even know what marriage is. A marriage is two people supporting each other no matter what. Being there for each other for better or for worse, standing next to each other, standing up for each other no matter what. But you don't get that. And that's why at that potluck, I had to tell people I didn't even know you.

Frank: I don't know why you're letting her waste her time with this crap.
Ray: No, no, no, Debra's right. She said it's important for parents to get involved in their kids' education... Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Frank: We never got involved in your education.
Robert: That's right. Pa didn't go in for all that fancy book-larnin'.
Frank: What? What did I pay taxes for? You think I had time to tell you what two plus two is?
Robert: Well, maybe if you took more interest, who knows how far I could have gone?
Frank: Four! Two plus two is four! Go get 'em, tiger!

Ray: President of the school?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: But that's, like, a lot of meetings at night.
Debra: This is the perfect thing for me. I've been waiting for something like this to get involved in, where I can make a difference and use my brain and help people. I could make a good president.
Ray: Yeah, but you're already president of this house. We need you. Ask not what your house can do for you.

Ray: Oh, boy. Here we are. You know, I've never been to a political convention before. Where are the hookers?
Debra: Ray, listen, do me a favor. Try not to let everything that's in here come out here, could you?
Ray: Yeah, yeah. Let's pretend I'm your secret service agent man. I'll follow you around like this she's on the move.
Debra: I have a better idea. Why don't you pretend you're here undercover as an adult?
Ray: All right, that's it. I'm changing my code name for you. It used to be "Hot Mama." You wanna know what it is now?
Debra: No.
Ray: "Groucho."

Debra: I don't know. Maybe I just had too many ideas. Maybe I talked too much. Did I come off pushy?
Ray: No. Come on, Deb. Parker bought that whole election putting out the tenderloin and the horseradish and the rolls. How could you compete with that?
Robert: Mmm. That's tough to beat.
Marie: Food's important, dear. If you had only come to me.
Debra: Come on, that had nothin' to do with it.
Frank: Don't kid yourself, sweetheart. This is politics. You gotta play rough. He puts out tenderloin, you put out prime rib. He puts out prime rib, you go lobster. He goes lobster, you start the rumor he wears a bra.

Ray: Okay. All right. Fine, guys. You win. Stay up forever! I tell you what. I'm not gonna sing you any more lullabies.
Kids: [o.s.] Okay!
Ray: Oh, yeah. Funny. How about I call Santa, tell him how funny you guys are? [to himself] Santa calls the Easter Bunny, he calls the Tooth Fairy. I don't gotta buy squat.

Debra: Hi.
Ray: Oh, my God. How long was this meeting?
Debra: It ended at 8:00, but I stayed after to talk.
Ray: You know, here's the thing about the twins. I know that I'm supposed to love them, but why do they make it so freakin' hard?
Debra: Listen, listen, Ray, it was such a great meeting. Remember all those ideas I had about fundraising and the readathon? It was amazing. I was talking, and all these people were really interested in what I had to say.
Ray: The problem is, the twins they know I have to love them. They use that love against me. You know what? I can't anymore.