Frank: All right. This house is secure. I want lunch.
Harry: May I escort you across the street, Miss Marie?
Marie: Thank you, Jeb. What a gentleman.
Frank: Hey, if you're gonna act like you're stealing her away, don't tease me. Steal her away!

Ray: You're this big Civil War freak now, just because Dad asked you to go first?
Robert: He didn't ask me.
Ray: What?
Robert: He didn't ask me. Since when does Dad ask us to do anything with him? I had to enlist.
Ray: God, I don't believe this. I only did this because.
Robert: Because you thought he asked me and not you. And now you have to go. [laughs] Hey, better bring a newspaper.
Ray: They had newspapers then.
Robert: They didn't have toilet paper.

Frank: Ah, my feet are killing me. I think these boots are a size too small. Tell me, what's it say on the bottom of my right boot?
Ray: "Left."
Frank: Oh, crap. What's it say on the other one?
Ray: Guess.

Ray: All right. Forget about it, then. I won't go. I just thought maybe we could do something together for once, you know, like you did with your father.
Frank: What are you talking about?
Ray: What do you mean? What do you mean, what I am talking about? Didn't you just tell me he gave you the knife? He took you hunting and fishing and canoeing. Didn't you just tell me that, Dad? Or what is that all pretend, too? [Frank is silent as he polishes his rifle] It is, isn't it?
Frank: Are you going to help me off with the damn boots, or what?

Ray: Turn the foot, Dad.
Frank: You know I tried to be better than him.
Ray: I know, Dad. I know.
Frank: Well, you're good at that, aren't you? Doing stuff with your kids.
Ray: I'm all right. I could be better, too. You know, but they'll probably be better with their kids so we're on the right track here. Your great-great-grandchildren will probably be excellent parents.
Frank: Yeah.

Harry: Miss Marie.
Marie: Hello, Harry.
Harry: Please, ma'am, call me Jeb.
Marie: Well. Hello, Jeb.
Harry: You are a sight for sore eyes.
Frank: And mine are pretty sore.

Ray: Man, it's pretty cold out there. What is that? Breakfast?
Robert: An authentic Civil War breakfast.
Frank: Your mother makes a hell of a jerky.
Robert: Yeah. You could swear that this was made in 1863, huh?
Ray: You guys are really looking forward to this reenactment thing?
Robert: I can't wait. Violence without paperwork.

Ray: What's this?
Debra: That's the invitation to Tom and Mary Anne's baby shower this weekend.
Ray: Baby shower? Why is it addressed to both of us?
Debra: 'Cause you're invited, too. It's for couples.
Ray: Couples? Since when does the guy have to go to that? Come on, they're screwing with nature now.
Debra: You know, it's their first baby. They're still excited. Dear Ray and Debra, we hope each of our guests will make a presentation.
Ray: What?
Debra: You can recite a poem, do a skit. "The proud parents will tape it as a tribute for the child."
Ray: Tribute? Who's she got in there, Gandhi?

Marie: Debra, I got the twins down and I made your bed, and I hung up some clothes. I tell you so you won't be shocked later.

Frank: Marie, water.
Ray: What are you doing, Dad?
Frank: Attacking your house.
Marie: Harry got your father back into the Civil War reenacting.
Harry: Damn glad I did. I'm proud to lead this beautiful bastard into battle.
Debra: So you're one of those guys who gets dressed up in uniforms and recreates battles and..?
Frank: I like war.
Marie: Your father's a lieutenant.
Ray: It's make-believe, Ma. He could be Lincoln if he wanted to.