Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Odd Man Out’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Odd Man Out

603. Odd Man Out

Aired October 8, 2001

Frank is jealous when his friend Marco starts spending time with Marie, who's giving him piano lessons.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Ray, are you gonna sit there all day? Just join the party.
Ray: No, no. It's not right. My mom and her boyfriend.
Debra: I thought you made him gay.
Ray: I'm the only one who knows that. Come on, my dad should be here.
Debra: What is it that you miss the most? The burping, the finger in the frosting, the wiping his mouth on the curtains?
Ray: If you must know, I miss the shirttail out the fly.

Rate

Quote from Marie

Marco: Where's Frank?
Marie: Oh, Frank's not coming.
Marco: Why not?
Marie: He's sick. Swine flu.

Quote from Marie

Frank: You want a beer?
Marco: Is your wife here?
Frank: Yeah, but she won't bother us. Sit down. Open your pants.
Marie: [enters] Who is it- Oh! Hello, Marco. What a nice surprise.
Marco: Buongiorno.
Frank: Yeah, buongiorno. That's Italian for "beer, Marie!"
Marie: Right away, Frank. Would you like it in a bottle over your head or in a can somewhere else?

Quote from Frank

Frank: Now? We're gonna have a beer here!
Marie: Beer? Here is a man who thirsts for something more than alcohol. Here's a man who wants music in his life.
Frank: I could use a little music in my life. The sweet sound of the white coats coming to take you off to the nut farm.

Quote from Ray

Frank: Would you can it? I'm trying to watch the game here. Chips, Debra!
Ray: Hey, Dad, if you're gonna be like that, why don't you just watch the game at your own house?
Frank: I can't. Your mother's giving Marco another piano lesson.
Robert: Didn't he have one yesterday?
Frank: Every day for two weeks now.
Ray: Marco? The only thing I see that guy playing is the organ in a haunted house.

Quote from Frank

Frank: It's not just the lessons anymore. They're hanging out now. They're friends.
Debra: Chips, Frank.
Robert: Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean, friends?
Frank: They're together all the time playing piano, swappin' recipes. Sometimes they sit and listen to opera and cry!
Debra: Sounds like this is bothering you a little bit, Frank.
Frank: Opera. Just what the world needs: more fat women screaming!

Quote from Debra

Marie: Marco is my friend. Now I never see him anymore. He's always with your father. They're watching sports or swimming nude at the lodge.
Debra: There isn't enough chlorine in the world.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Marie, door!
Marie: [o.s.] I'm in the kitchen. Put your pants on and get it yourself!
Frank: I got pants on. [doorbell rings again] I'm comin' already! [Frank opens the door] Marco.
Marco: Is this a bad time?
Frank: No, no, no. For you, I zip.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Hey, come on in. It's, uh, good to see you.
Marco: Nice seeing you.
Frank: Maybe sometime we play bocce, like in Italy.
Marco: Yeah, great.
Frank: So, how do you like livin' in America? How's the restaurant business?
Marco: Ah, it's not like home. Everybody, they steal here. All the time.
Frank: They don't steal in Italy?
Marco: In Italy, they steal only once.

Quote from Marie

Marco: My daughter Stefania says you're a great teacher of piano. With respect, I ask you for favor. Could you teach me?
Frank: What, are you kidding?
Marco: My mother, all her life, she loves music. She always wants me to play. But then when she gets sick, I promise her to learn... then she die.
Frank: So you're off the hook.
Marie: Frank! That is the sweetest thing I have ever heard, Marco.
Marco: But it was a long time ago. I'm afraid now, maybe I'm too old.
Marie: Oh, no. You're never too old to do something for your mother. I'll teach you right now.

Quote from Frank

Debra: You know what I think? I think maybe you're a little bit jealous, Frank.
Frank: Shut up.
Debra: [chuckles] Are you a little jealous, Frankie? [tickles Frank] Are you just a little bit jealous?
Ray: No, don't do that, honey.
Robert: Be careful, watch your fingers.
Frank: All right! So I'm a little jealous! He shouldn't be with her! He should be with me!
Ray: What?
Robert: Huh?
Frank: He was my friend first! We played bocce in Italy. Now he comes in the door it's like I don't exist.
Ray: Oh, cheer up, Dad, I'm sure there's a guy out there for you somewhere.
Robert: Yeah, maybe Marco has a brother... in the bell tower.

Quote from Ray

Frank: I want him out of my house.
Ray: So throw him out.
Debra: Ray, let your parents work this out for themselves.
Ray: I'm just saying, you want someone out, you throw 'em out.
Debra: Yeah, you're the expert.
Ray: You, out! [off Debra's look] I'm kidding. You stay.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, he can't just throw him out. Marco's not the kind of guy you mess with.
Frank: Marco? That guy's no bigger than a bag of laundry.
Robert: Remember when he took over Nemo's Pizza? And I said, "What happened to Nemo?" And he looked at me with that face and said, "He go away." Has anybody seen Nemo since? Huh? Postcard? Anything? No. Marco knows how to make people go away, and that's all I'm saying.
Frank: He don't scare me, and I'm throwing him out!
Debra: Wait a minute, Frank. Why don't you just tell Marco how you feel? That you want to be his friend, too.
Frank: What am I, wearing a skirt and Mary Janes? I'm throwin' him out! [exits]
Robert: Say hi to Nemo for us.
Ray: And stay out!

Quote from Marie

Marco: Baccala.
Marie: Marco, no. Don't smash your fingers. Your fingers are your tools.
Marco: I'm baccala. I'm a stinky cod fish.
Marie: You're not a stinky cod fish. You're a good boy who loves his mother.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Listen, Marco I got somethin' to say to you.
Marco: And I got somethin' to say to you. Sit! [Frank sits down] I cannot help but notice every time I have a lesson, you leave. It's rude.
Frank: I'm sorry.
Marco: No, it is rude of me to invade your house and take you away from your beautiful wife.
Frank: My what?
Marco: Forgive me. You open your house to me, and I stink it up.
Frank: Oh, hey, hey, it doesn't bother me at all.
Marco: You are too kind. Now, what do you want to say to me?
Frank: Uh, you play poker?
Marco: I'm good at poker.
Frank: There's a game at my lodge tonight. You in?
Marco: It would be honor, but first I buy you dinner at my restaurant.
Frank: Don't have to ask me twice.

Quote from Marie

Frank: Uh, Marie, I'm takin' Marco to the lodge for poker.
Marie: But Marco hasn't finished his lesson yet.
Marco: Marie, I'm done with piano. I tried, but I cannot make it work.
Marie: You're quitting? You can't quit. You promised your mother.
Marco: I know. I know, but... she's dead.
Marie: But she can still see you.
Marco: I'm sorry, Marie.

Quote from Marie

Marco: You come to have dinner with us.
Marie: No, no. I don't think so. Why don't you boys go to the lodge?
Frank: You're gonna love the lodge, Marco. They got cards, checkers, a swimming pool. It's great. Everybody swims naked.
Marco: Is this a heated pool? [both exit]
Marie: He'll be back. One look at Frank naked he'll be back.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Why didn't you come up and help me?
Ray: I was talking to Gianni.
Debra: Didn't you hear the screaming?
Ray: I heard you screamin'.

Quote from Ray

Marie: [enters] I'm gonna kill your father.
Ray: [flatly] Oh, no, Mom. Don't.

Quote from Marie

Marie: I mean, for the first time in I don't know how long, I had a real companion. Someone I could talk to. Do something, Raymond.
Ray: Me? What?
Marie: Talk to your father.
Ray: No, no, stick to the plan where you kill him.
Marie: Tell him to leave Marco alone.
Ray: Ma, I don't want to get in the middle of this.
Marie: I don't want you in the middle, I want you on my side.

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode