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‘Angry Sex’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Angry Sex

903. Angry Sex

Aired October 4, 2004

When Debra and Marie have a big argument, Ray finds out about the benefits of "angry sex".

Quote from Marie

Marie: Listen, I need to talk to Debra.
Ray: Oh, yeah. Well, now's a bad time, so maybe tomorrow.
Marie: No no, Raymond, listen. I saw that talk show today with the four ladies...
Ray: Yeah?
Marie: And they had this relationship doctor on who said, "Every time you leave a family member, you must treat that person as if you'll never see them again."
Ray: I love you, Mom. Good bye.
Marie: No, no, no, no. That got me thinking about Debra, and then there was this commercial about household bacteria, and that really got me thinking about her. And then I said to myself, "This can't be just coincidental." No, I have to apologize right now, Raymond.

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Quote from Frank

Debra: So Marie, you came over to apologize last night?
Marie: I did, and I learned from the four ladies that nothing is worth fighting over this way. And you're right. If I have something to say, I should just come out with it or keep my mouth shut.
Frank: Your mouth? That's like trying to hold back a- [chokes] I'm sorry, I was eating. Set me up again.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Oh, I know what he was doing. The action is always better when there's a little fire in the furnace, right, Ray?
Ray: No! No. That is so wrong. Crazy old man!
Frank: Come on! Why do you think I give this one such a hard time? When she's steamed up, everything's better. I'll tell you, the angry sex is good. But what I really love is the angry steak pizzaiola.
Marie: You're a pig!
Frank: Good! Use that for the lasagna tonight.
Robert: Look, Debra, this I told him, Ma. You must always be sensitive to your wife's emotions.
Frank: You, my boy are a girl.

Quote from Debra

Debra: I can't sleep! I'm seething! She actually has me seething!
Ray: You know what? You shouldn't let her ruin your evening. And probably the best way to get even with her is to just just do what you had planned, you know? I mean, for instance, if you were gonna watch TV, then just watch TV. Or if you were gonna do something, I don't know, interactive.
Debra: What? Are you trying' to have sex now?
Ray: No, no, no. I'm just brainstorming.
Debra: Yeah. Forget it. Your mother's ruined the whole night, just like she's ruined every other night! [tries to read a book] Oh, what the hell! [kisses Ray]

Quote from Ray

Marie: How's Debra feeling?
Ray: Oh, yeah. No, still sick, yeah. I think it's, like, a three-day thing she's got. You know, this is the beginning of day two, so maybe we'll see you on day four.
Marie: Well, she must be very sick, because she can't even pick up her phone to thank me for apologizing.
Ray: What?
Marie: Well, you told her I was apologizing last night, didn't you?
Ray: Of course, yeah. Yes. It's just she's so sick, she fell asleep right after I told her.
Debra: Oh, is she that sick?
Ray: Yeah.
Marie: Maybe I should check on her. Where is she?
Ray: No, no, no, no, Ma. You shouldn't go, because you're susceptible. You know what they say children and the elderly, it just it affects them more. And we have to face facts you are getting a little elderly.

Quote from Ray

Robert: What are you doing?
Ray: You gotta go. Everybody's going, man. So just get out.
Robert: What's the hurry?
Ray: I'm gonna have sex.
Robert: Since when?
Ray: All the pieces are in place the kids are at a sleepover, Debra had a glass and a half of wine, and this morning I saw her shaving her legs.
Robert: I can't even have a drink?
Ray: Come on. Don't you get it? I'm dealing with a very delicate mood here. It's like a juggler on a tightrope. The slightest vibration on that wire dead juggler. So, no, you're not blowing this for me, man. Get out.
Robert: I hope I'm having sex one day when you need a drink.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh, Debra, I'd like to take the boys to that Happy Zone tomorrow, if that's okay with you.
Debra: Oh, that would be great. Thank you, Marie.
Marie: It's my pleasure, dear. And while we're out, I'll just get them haircuts. Okay, bye.
Debra: No, wait! Marie, they don't need haircuts.
Marie: Oh, but they do. Oh, maybe you haven't noticed, but the boys look a little slovenly lately.
Debra: Excuse me?
Ray: Oh, no.
Debra: What are you saying, Marie? That my kids look like hobos? Is that what you're saying?
Marie: Heavens no! Hobos have beards.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, that's nice, Ma, but what can I do? She's... She's sleeping. She's actually sick.
Debra: She's sick?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know what they say: "You don't wake the sick unless you forgot to take the thermometer out." So, you should maybe you should just go now.

Quote from Marie

Marie: And, Raymond, please tell her that I want to talk to her, and apologize like that TV show with the ladies.
Ray: Okay. All right. I will, Mom.
Marie: Oh, and, Raymond, you have to be careful about thermometers, especially the old-fashioned kind.
Ray: I know. I know, Ma.
Marie: We had this problem with Robbie because he has a big bottom...
Ray: Okay, I know. Bye.

Quote from Ray

Marie: I came over to apologize. I told Raymond.
Debra: What?
Ray: I thought she was being sarcastic.
Marie: I wasn't sarcastic. I told you about that bacteria commercial, and I was very sincere. I even made Debra a cake to say I'm sorry.
Ray: Well, I don't remember any of that!
Marie: So you didn't tell her?
Ray: Well, look, I vaguely remember you said something about Debra, but as far as an apology... Look, it certainly wasn't clear... All right, look, let's just forget about it! Let's just forget about it. Let's all have some cake that says "I'm sorry" on it.
Robert: That's a great cake, Ma. Can't wait to see Raymond eat it.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Is there anything you'd like to say, Ray? [Ray is silent]
Marie: Why didn't you tell Debra that I was going to apologize?
Ray: Honestly, for real? Okay. Debra, you just weren't ready to receive that message. I- Sometimes in life, things gotta get a lot worse before they get better. It's just like shoes! Sometimes when they're new, they're not so comfortable, but when you beat 'em up a little, then they're great. This is like now.
Robert: That doesn't even make any sense, Raymond.
Ray: Well, not to you, because you buy your shoes at the same place you get your wide-load pants.
Amy: Wait a minute.
Ray: No, this family can't wait, Amy! What does it matter what my method was? What matters is that everything is fine now! And you know what? That's what the cake should say. "Everybody's fine"!

Quote from Ray

Debra: Wait a minute, Ray. Why didn't you tell me she came over to apologize, especially when you knew how angry I was?
Robert: [to Amy] Hold on to something.
Ray: I told you, you weren't ready to receive it. I needed to calm you down.
Debra: Oh, you needed to calm me down. It's more like you needed... Oh, my God. You're like a sex maniac!
Ray: What? What does that even mean?
Amy: He didn't tell Debra because he wanted to get sex?
Robert: Evil sex. Evil, twisted, dirty sex.
Ray: No, no!
Marie: I'm disappointed, Raymond. You're supposed to think of your mother before sex.

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right. You wouldn't talk to me this morning, you wouldn't talk to me this afternoon. And you wouldn't talk to me tonight, but there's something I want to get off my chest. And it doesn't matter if you wanna hear it or not, because I am gonna say it. Yes, I may have used your anger in a pleasurable way, but that pleasure was not just my own! Huh? So if I used you, you used me right back, lady! Admit it. It was like therapy for you. You used me like I was your therapist! Your physical therapist! So before you judge me, you look yourself in the mirror without the makeup on! That's right! And you ask yourself, "Isn't this what marriage is? The mutual using of each other"! I think so! And let me tell you, we will get past this unpleasantness as a couple if you will let me sleep here tomorrow.

Quote from Robert

Frank: Robert, let's get a move on.
Robert: [o.s.] Okay.
Frank: I said, "Let's go!"
Robert: I'll meet you there. What are we, like a freaking herd?

Quote from Robert

Robert: All right, everybody, let's go.
Debra: I thought you were gonna have a drink first.
Robert: Ah, I'll just get something out of Dad's liquor cabinet.
Frank: The hell you will!
Robert: Back to the party.

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