Marie: Debra. Debra.
Debra: What?
Marie: Do you need my help?
Debra: God, no!
Marie: Sir, we have her drinking completely under control now.
Debra: Ray!
Ray: Open your shirt.
Mr. Rodell: Mrs. Barone-
Debra: This is exactly what she did at the shower! This is what she always does! She just has to run my life. That's why I yelled at her at the shower, that's why I couldn't call her for a ride home, and that's why I am here, sir. Yes, I had a few drinks. I should be drunk every day! But I'm not, because I do not have a drinking problem, sir. What I have is a mother-in-law problem!

Robert: [to a fellow officer] What I'll do is, I'll put in a couple more hours and then I'll punch out. [notices Debra in the cell] Hey, Ray. Hey, Deb. [stops walking] Debra?
Debra: Hi, Robert.
Robert: Oh, my God. She finally killed Mom.

Ray: She took a nap in the car, that's all.
Marie: I don't understand. Why would they arrest her for that?
Frank: Were you naked?
Debra: No, I was not naked. I just took a little nap because I didn't want to drive.
Marie: Why not?
Debra: Because I had a little too much champagne.
Marie: Drunken driving! Oh, my God! Drunken driving! Oh, this is so awful! Now it all makes sense. The messy house, the kids running around filthy, the way she talks to me. What, it's all clear now.

Debra: I have got to get my license back. If I spend one more day in the car with your mother, it's gonna be in the garage with the door closed.

Mr. Rodell: All right, I've read-
Marie: You will speak up, won't you?
Mr. Rodell: I've read the report operating a vehicle under the influence.
Debra: Excuse me, sir. Is that what it says "operating a vehicle"? Because that's not true. I wasn't operating a vehicle. I operated parts of the vehicle - the radio and the seat - but then I fell asleep.
Mr. Rodell: You passed out.
Debra: Oh, no, no, I didn't pass out. I took a nap. In fact, I can prove it because my hands were like this. And you don't do that when you pass out. When you pass out, you're more like... I even reclined the seat. That should be in the report because that clearly shows... intent to nap. Sir, weren't my hands like this?

Mr. Rodell: Do you make a habit of drinking, getting behind the wheel of a car, putting the key in the ignition, and then taking a nap?
Debra: Oh, no, no. That's not a habit of mine. There was just no one I could call for a ride home.
Mr. Rodell: There are cabs, Mrs. Barone.
Debra: Uh, yes, and that would have been a good idea, but, you see, I couldn't call one because, uh, well, [whispers] my mother-in-law lives across the street, and she would have seen the cab, and then I never would have heard the end of it.
Mr. Rodell: Mrs. Barone, this is not about your mother-in-law.
Debra: Yes, but I'm just trying to show you-
Mr. Rodell: This is about your license.
Debra: You're right. You're right. It was my responsibility, and I screwed up.

Marie: Boys, you gotta help me. I'm gonna make this a dry house. Now, we don't need this in here.
Ray: Ma! Please, Ma, will you relax? She's not an alcoholic.
Marie: You don't have to lie for her anymore, Raymond. Robbie, go upstairs before she gets to the cough syrup.

Marie: Oh, don't eat that. Have one of these.
Debra: Marie, you know, I've been planning this shower for weeks. I'm the matron- I'm the shower thrower.
Marie: Of course, dear, but it's only natural for me to want my new daughter-in-law to have the finest Italian appetizers.
Debra: I've got it covered, okay?
Marie: Oh. Oh, I know what's bothering you. Don't worry. I'll always have plenty of time for my old daughter-in-law.

Marie: Oh, let me help you with the champagne.
Debra: I'm fine, thanks, Marie.
Marie: Well, I'll just pass out the glasses.
Debra: That's okay, thanks.
Marie: I just want to help because I'm sensing a lull.
Debra: There's no lull.
Marie: Listen. ... Lull.
Debra: Well, don't worry, 'cause I'm gonna do my toast.
Marie: Oh. Well, maybe there might be a lull after that.

Marie: You take care of Amy and I'll take care of the lull.
Debra: Are you not getting it, Marie?
Marie: What? I'm just trying to help.
Debra: I don't need your help. I know you think I can't survive without you, but I can. I don't need you!
[Marie walks over to the door]
Marie: Excuse me, everyone. I just would like to say my goodbyes.
Pat: Don't go, Marie.
Marie: Oh, that's all right. It was wonderful seeing you again. And, Amy, I love you. Have a wonderful party. Good night, everyone.
Debra: Amy, welcome to the family. Lots of luck. [drinks two glasses of champagne]