Robert: Don't pretend with me. I only know too well the pain of being number two.
Debra: What did Ray tell you?
Robert: About you and your sister? He doesn't have to tell me. I've seen that face before in the mirror.
Debra: No, my sister and I don't have that kind of relationship.
Robert: Oh, no? Starts the first day they bring the new one home. There you are, innocently playing with your bongo monkey, all the relatives just oohing and aahing over the new little blessing, so cute, so so precious. Then Mama's darling begins to cry. Someone comes up with the bright idea of giving him your bongo. That'll calm him down. And from that day forward, say goodbye to your monkey and assume the position. You are now number two.
Debra: I'm the younger one, Robert.
Robert: What's that?
Debra: I'm the youngest. They would be giving me the bongo monkey.
Robert: Oh. Well, it's just a very general story intended to illuminate the human condition.

Ray: No, wait, I know. I know. You- You are so very mad at her because you are not the good sister anymore.
Debra: What?
Ray: Ah-ha-ha! That's it! That's it. You always used to be the good one, and Jennifer was the bad one. But now she's becoming a nun, which makes her the really good one. She wins.
Debra: That's not it.
Ray: Then what is it?
Debra: I don't know, but that's not it.
Ray: Oh, you just don't like me being right, right? You're allowed to analyze me up and down, but I hit on a psychological undercoating, and you, you can't give me my due.

Jennifer: I have known for about a year and a half. I've had a few weekends at this.
Debra: Okay, fine. Fine. But that's not what's bothering me. What's bothering me is...
Jennifer: What?
Debra: You weren't around, and I was okay because I thought that someday you would you know, and so I've been waiting and now you're leaving for good. I want a sister. Not a sister sister, a sister.
Jennifer: I'm still your sister.
Debra: No, you're Zaire's sister. I mean, Ray and Robert, they have this, like, completely screwed up relationship, but at least they have each other, you know? I mean, they fight, they compete and they blame their lives on their parents. They're real brothers.

Jennifer: You know, Dad still drinks.
Debra: That's sweet, but I know what you're trying to do.
Jennifer: Listen, I know how flakey I've been. But this is right for me. Just like you knew this life was right for you when you met Ray.
Debra: Yeah, but you get to go to Zaire, and I'm stuck here with his family. The Barones could use your help, too, you know?
Jennifer: I can't work miracles.
Debra: Oh, then you better pray for me.

Ray: That's it? That's it for the ice cream? That's all we had? Oh, great.
Frank: What's the big deal?
Ray: Nothing, I just wanted a little more ice cream. That's all. I hardly had any. I just wanted a little more ice cream. Nothing. I had- I had squat. I had nothing. Nothing. Ice cream.
Frank: All right. All right, quit whining.
[After Frank takes Robert's bowl and gives it to Ray, Ray tucks in and Robert gets up to leave]
Robert: Bongo monkey.

Ray: So how long is your sister staying?
Debra: Well, for a while I hope this time.
Ray: Yeah, well, with her, we could just be some pit stop to some acupuntury, aromatherapy Hindu festival of hugging.
Debra: She's just trying to find herself, Ray.
Ray: She hasn't looked near the soap.
Debra: She doesn't smell, Ray. That was patchouli oil that time.
Ray: Patchouli. What is that, Hindu for "stink"?
Debra: She smells fine.
Marie: Hi, dears. I brought you my big spoon.
Ray: Ah, see? Ah. See, that's beautiful. That is what a woman should smell like. Ah, lemon Pledge and meat sauce.

Debra: What are these, Rosary beads?
Ray: Hey, look at this. Prayer cards. Hey, a St. Jude rookie card.

Jennifer: Really, I am a nun. Or I will be in a couple weeks when I take my final vows. After that, they're sending me to Zaire.
Ray: What do you mean, like in Africa?
Jennifer: Yep.
Ray: Wow, you gotta get a big shot in your bottom for that.
Jennifer: I already did.
Ray: Man, you're really into this.

Debra: Can you believe this? She's gonna be a nun now.
Ray: I know, I can't. She's a nun. I feel weird. Hey, how come we don't have any crucifixes hanging up here, huh? Nothing. Get a magnet one for the fridge or something.
Debra: What?
Ray: You know what? While she's here, I'm thinking, maybe we should both try to be a little more...
Debra: Okay, why don't we start by you going to church every Sunday?
Ray: Let's not go crazy.

Jennifer: Things going well?
Robert: Yeah, things are going good. I got promoted to sergeant, moved into my own place. You know, little stuff.
Jennifer: That's great.
Robert: So how about you? Whose heart are you breaking these days?
Jennifer: Actually, I'm becoming a nun, so I guess you could say that I'm married to God.
Robert: [long pause] I have a girlfriend. Her name's Amy.