Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘The Nice Talk’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Nice Talk

819. The Nice Talk

Aired April 19, 2004

Ray has a nice talk with Amy's mother, Pat (Georgia Engel), while they finish a puzzle.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Can I watch TV now?
Marie: No, Frank.
Frank: Then what the hell are we gonna do all night?
Hank: Less cursing, I hope.
Frank: Who cursed?
Hank: You referred to the antipode of heaven.
Frank: What the hell kind of moon-man talk is that?

Rate

Quote from Robert

Debra: Uh, Ray, why don't you help us set the table?
Ray: Oh, uh, can't you guys do it? I'm a little tired.
Debra: Yeah. He was up all night with your mother.
Ray: We were just doing a puzzle.
Debra: Mm-hmm. And talking till 2:00 in the morning. And not just small talk. Very meaningful, hmm? Him and Pat.
Robert: You had a meaningful conversation with her?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: Just not enough mothers in the world for you, are there, Raymond, huh?

Quote from Frank

Hank: That reminds me. We don't want to miss the morning's worship. Do you know of any good Presbyterian churches around here? I left my directory at home.
Marie: We were thinking that it would be easier if we all went to our church.
Hank: You mean your... Catholic church?
Frank: Yeah. Problem?
Hank: I don't know.
Pat: Oh, why not, Hank? It's interesting to observe other denominations.
Frank: Yeah. It'll be like a safari for you. Who knows? On the way, we might even spot a herd of Lutherans.

Quote from Pat

Pat: I brought one from home.
Hank: Ah, there you go.
Pat: I thought this would be nice for Easter. Oh, my.
Ray: "Sacred Death"?
Amy: Is that a heavy-metal band?
Pat: This must be one of Peter's. It was dark in the closet, and I just saw the word "sacred."
Robert: A heavy metal puzzle.
Pat: Look, it says, "500 pieces of head-banging fun."

Quote from Pat

Ray: Anyway, this section's all done. Shall we keep goin'?
Pat: Oh, I don't know. Well, why not?
Ray: Yeah, why not? So, what do you think of my dad?
Pat: I think we should finish the puzzle.

Quote from Pat

Pat: You know what it could be? Maybe she doesn't read your column so much anymore because she's feeling a little jealous.
Ray: Jealous?
Pat: Well, I wouldn't blame her. You have such an exciting life, Ray. You meet a lot of interesting people, and you go to so many exotic places.
Ray: You mean like Tampa?
Pat: You've been to Tampa?
Ray: Couple times, yeah.
Pat: Well, there you go. You know, sometimes I feel a little jealous of Hank's work.
Ray: He's a high-school principal, right?
Pat: Vice-principal. But you'd think he was the principal the way he always comes home with such interesting stories. And I just want to say, "My gosh, what I would give to be a fly on the wall of that teachers' lounge." Excuse my language.
Ray: That's okay. I like how you talk.

Quote from Marie

Marie: It is a wonderful day. The Lord has risen, and now my brunch.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Well, Raymond it appears that you will do everything in your power to avoid talking to me, your own mother, and, yet you seem to bare your soul to a total stranger.
Ray: Ma, there was no baring, okay? And I always talk to you. You know I love it.
Marie: All right, then. Why don't we go for a nice long walk right now?
Ray: Well, I can't right now.
Marie: Oh, you can't right now?! I'm sure you'd be happy to go for a walk with Pat!
Robert: I'll walk with you, Ma.
Marie: Robbie, please. I'm busy.

Quote from Hank

Hank: Pardon my curiosity, but what exactly were you and Mrs. MacDougall talking about all evening?
Ray: Nothing to get upset about.
Hank: I do not get upset. There are just certain subjects I feel should remain between a husband and a wife.
Debra: Yes, I agree, Hank.
Hank: And, so, I am somewhat eager to know, what did the woman say about me?
Ray: I don't know. She just- She talked about all the interesting things that happen in your teachers' lounge.
Hank: Good Lord! It was a Christmas party! I do not drink! I had no idea those little rumballs would trigger a slightly salty pirate impersonation.
Frank: Hot damn, Hank! I'm startin' to like you! Hey, someone get Captain Hook a boilermaker.

Quote from Pat

Pat: It's all right, Ray. We'll always have Sacred Death.

Quote from Hank

Pat: What do you think, Hank?
Hank: Well, we're already going to Catholic church tomorrow. I guess we can just call it a lost weekend.

Quote from Pat

Amy: Night, Mom and Dad.
Hank: Good night.
Pat: Sweet dreams, honey.
Hank: That's it for me, Mother. I've got quite a bit of flossing to do.
Pat: Good night. I'll be there just as soon as I finish this flaming skull.

Quote from Pat

Pat: Here, Ray. This looks like it's part of the snake crawling on that poor young lady's bottom.
Ray: Yeah, that fits. You've got a good eye for this.
Pat: I think we're a good team. We're like Kareem and Magic Johnson.
Ray: Kareem and Magic? You know basketball?
Pat: Only what I've learned from your column.
Ray: Really? You read my column?
Pat: Oh, yes. Ever since we became family. They have "Newsday" in the library.
Ray: You go to the library to read my column?
Pat: It's only a 20-minute drive. You're very good.
Ray: Thanks.

Quote from Ray

Debra: It's 2:00 in the morning. Where were you?
Ray: I was doin' the puzzle with the lady, you know, Pat.
Debra: Till now?
Ray: Ah, it was a good puzzle, and we got to talking, and I didn't even know how late it was. She's all right, that Pat.
Debra: Oh, I'm glad you two are warming up to each other. Maybe the next time my mother comes, I'll tell her to bring a puzzle.
Ray: Yeah. [chuckles] Your mother's not really coming, is she?
Debra: No, Ray. Relax.

Quote from Hank

Frank: Well, Hank, what did you think of our exotic Catholic rituals?
Hank: Quite impressive. And I thought your Father Hubley gave a very stirring reading of the Resurrection. Of course, that's a tough story to botch.

Quote from Peter

Robert: So, did you hear about your mom and my brother? They had a real heart-to-heart talk last night.
Peter: Oh, yeah?
Robert: Oh, yeah. Apparently, into the wee hours. They bonded over your Sacred Death puzzle.
Peter: What?! Mama!
Pat: Peter, are you all right?
Peter: No! What were you doing touching my Sacred Death puzzle?
Pat: I'm sorry, Peter. It is not supposed to be taken out of its box! It's a collector's item! Correction, it was a collector's item! How am I supposed to explain this at the convention? "I'm sorry. It's only been used by my mom!"
Robert: Raymond bit off a piece just to make it fit.
Pat: Agh! This is what happens when you touch my things! This is why you are not supposed to touch my things!

Quote from Pat

Pat: I'm sorry, honey. It was just something to bring the family together.
Robert: Well, it certainly brought her and Raymond together.
Peter: What were you two talking about?
Pat: Oh, many things. We talked about family. We talked about the idea for a book Raymond's going to write.
Peter: Ho ho ho! Well you talked to him about a book idea? You never talk to me about my comic-book ideas!
Pat: Peter, I would like to. It's just that I have a problem relating to characters who eat human flesh.
Peter: Mama, this is my art! And it's obvious you have no problem talking to Ray about his art! [goes inside]
Pat: Maybe I should give his "Zombies" another chance.

Quote from Robert

Robert: So, um, Mother MacDougall perhaps this might be a good opportunity to get to know each other a little bit better, huh?
Pat: Oh, I would like that, Robert.
Robert: So, um... what's your favorite color?
Pat: Blue.
Robert: Ah... I gotta go.

Quote from Robert

Pat: Come on, everyone. You're missing the children hunting for Easter eggs.
Marie: You stay away from my son!
Pat: Excuse me?
Robert: Can I ask you: What is wrong with me? You talk to Raymond. I'm your son-in-law! I have a title: son-in-law! He doesn't have a title, no title!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Look! Leave her alone! All of you! What's wrong with you people? We did a puzzle, and we had a nice talk. And she didn't do anything wrong, and neither did l! That's right! I am not ashamed! You know what was great about last night? This lady didn't judge me or criticize me, which is something I'm not exactly used to around here. She listened, and she was nice. And like Jesus said, "Blessed are the nice."
Peter: He never said that.
Ray: Well, that's what I'm saying! [to Pat] "Blessed are you." I don't care what anybody says, we have something special, and I look forward to many years of nice, long conversations.
Pat: I think maybe we should cool it.
Ray: What?
Pat: Everybody seems to be so upset just because we had a little talk. [murmurs of agreement]
Ray: No no no! Pat! Don't you get it? Then they win! This is what they want. They're trying to tear us apart.
Pat: Well, Ray, it was just a talk.
Ray: What do you mean, just a talk? This was special. You don't talk like that with everybody. [Pat shrugs]
Amy: She kind of does.
Ray: Oh.
Robert: Ha ha! She's nice to everyone.

Next Page 


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode