Marie: Raymond, how could you?!
Ray: What?
Amy: We just got off the phone with Robert.
Marie: He told us about your so-called party. You completely let him down on his special night.
Ray: What? We had a good time.
Marie: Then why did he sound so depressed?
Ray: Because he's Robert.

Amy: Actually, he's been talking about a bachelor party for months.
Ray: He has?
Amy: Yes. He was all excited, wondering what you had in store for him. I'm sorry, Ray. I don't want to make you feel bad about this. I just think that maybe you... really screwed up.

Marie: Raymond, you're gonna have to give him another party!
Ray: What?
Debra: Yes. And this time do it the way you're supposed to. Make it a big deal.
Marie: Debra's right.
Debra: Ray, he's your brother. Make it something he'll remember.
Ray: Are you giving me permission to get a stripper?
Women: No!

Debra: Ray, you're doing this.
Ray: I'm not having a shindiggy, accordionic sing-along at the lodge! I mean, do you hear yourselves? This is as lame as it gets!
Marie: No, Raymond. When a person breaks the heart of his only brother, that's as lame as it gets!

Ray: Listen, Robert, sorry. You know him, he's crazy. You know him. He's "Peter, Peter, Ritalin eater."
Robert: It's true what he said, Raymond, isn't it?
Ray: What?
Robert: That the girls made you throw me this party, and that the other one wasn't a decoy and that that was all you were gonna do.
Ray: No, man, no, no.
Robert: No, no, look, Raymond, it's okay. I know you. I know that sometimes you can be a little selfish and thoughtless... dishonest. Remember Halloween, 1967? You unwrapped a chocolate bar out of my bag and replaced it with a cat poo?
Ray: I'm sorry. I don't blame you for being mad at me.
Robert: No look, I'm not mad at you, Raymond. And you know why?
Ray: Because somewhere there's a cat poo waiting for me?
Robert: No. In spite of all of this, when you said that you were happy that I was happy, you meant that. And that was the best surprise.
Ray: Yeah, okay-
Robert: No, no. You- You meant that. And that means the most to me. Well, I gotta hug ya!

Debra: Uh-oh. So what did you guys do?
Robert: [to Amy] Enough talking. Maybe you should take me home.
Amy: Oh my.
Marie: I bet there were strippers. Were there strippers?
Ray: No! That's why we're here. [to Debra] Hi.
Debra: Oh, God. Every woman's dream.
Marie: I can imagine what's waiting for me at home. Good night. [runs out]

Hank: Hello, Raymond.
Ray: Oh, hey. Hi, Hank.
Frank: Well, if it isn't Hickory and Dickory.
Hank: Hello, Frank.
Frank: Hello, Hickory!
Ray: Dad. come on.

Peter: So how ya doin'?
Robert: I'm doin' great. This is nice. It's nice to have all these friends here.
Peter: Yeah. So, uh, Amy told me that Ray threw you another one of these parties last week. Like, uh, a really bad one, huh?
Robert: Yeah, yeah. The decoy.
Peter: Oh. Oh, that was a decoy. Jeez, you know, now I'm confused because, um, I had heard that because of that one, Amy, Debra, and your mom forced Ray into throwing this one. Yeah. No, I mean, Amy begged us to come, but, um... Hey, it turned out great, right? Look, everyone's having a blast. Jeez, your brother must really love you there... Woody.

Gianni: I gotta tell ya, Ray, this is the worst bachelor party I've ever been to.
Robert: I'm enjoying it.
Ray: Yeah, come on it's is his last chance for fun before he moves out and becomes Mr. Amy MacDougall. Besides, what are you complaining about? You've won every hand.
Gianni: It's three people. I'm up 35 cents.

Robert: [knock at the door] All right, what'd you guys do? Who's this gonna be? [opens door] Hector?
Hector: I need to show a guy the apartment.
Robert: Yeah, but, Hector, I'm right in the middle of my bachelor party.
Hector: We'll just be one second. This is the living room and here is the kitchen. The bedroom's back there. Don't worry, I have a chemical that will completely take care of the smell.
Man: I'm kinda looking for something a little bigger.
Hector: Bigger? No no no! He's lived here for four years, and he's muy grande!