Warren: It's okay, Deb. Frank knows that your mother and I have reached a point where we can laugh about our divorce.
Lois: That's right. We're fine with it.
Marie: I just think it's wonderful that you two are able to focus on the positive and not waste any time worrying about eternal damnation.

Frank: I gotta say, Warren, you played this one right. All the baggin', none of the naggin'.

Hank: I don't care what the part is. I do not want to be in that musical.

Debra: You know, your parents are unbelievable. "Al E. Money"? Is your father insane? Your mother always bringing up hell, as if creating it all around her isn't enough.

Ray: All right, well, I mean, let's just think this out. You guys, you're getting along pretty good in every department. So why not just slap a couple of fresh "I dos" on there, and make this the best Thanksgiving ever?
Lois: Raymond, we're not in love.
Ray: Love. [scoffs]
Lois: We have to talk to her.
Warren: I guess I'd better get dressed.
Lois: Oh, would you bring down my earrings? I left them on the bedside table.
Warren: I didn't see them.
Lois: Well, they're there.
Warren: No, I specifically remember not seeing earrings on the bedside table.
Lois: Well, how can a person specifically remember not seeing something? I'll get them myself.
Warren: Fine, but they're not there.
Lois: Oh, for God's sake.
Ray: Not in love? Come on.

Amy: What happened?
Ray: Uh, she just found out that her parents are still divorced.
Marie: I thought it might have something to do with Lois sneaking out of our house last night in her bathrobe.
Frank: And she didn't get back till 4:00 a.m. I remember, 'cause that's my third pee.

Frank: You got anything in here I can poison myself with?
Robert: Listen, I know I'm big, but where can I hide?
Frank: This stinks. I thought those two were gonna duke it out all weekend.
Ray: Uh, nope. They get along great.
Frank: I say they're faking it. If I weren't loving these chips so much, I'd go back in and poke a few holes in their phony happy-divorce crap. What am I saying? I can do both.
Ray: No, no, no, Dad, come on. Look, I already lost my bed. I don't need an angry wife. So please, do me a favor don't be horrible today.
Frank: It's my Thanksgiving too.
Robert: Listen, Ray's right, Dad, okay? Don't cause any trouble unless it'll get the mean outta your system, and then you can be extra nice tomorrow when Amy's parents come.
Frank: I can't predict these things.

Debra: Gosh, Daddy, Madagascar sounds great.
Lois: I've been dying to go.
Frank: Well, seeing as how you two are so chummy, maybe Warren'll take you with him.
Lois: No, thank you. No more traveling with Warren. He spends all of his time looking at his tip conversion chart. [Lois & Warren laugh]
Debra: Oh, you two took some amazing trips together.
Frank: Yeah, that sounds peachy. Warren, what about Al, Al, the ladies' pal?
Ray: Dad.
Warren: What's that, Frank?
Frank: "Al E. Money." That's gotta be a big bite outta your ass, huh?

Warren: Well, I guess I'd better pack it in too. Thanks, Raymond, for lending me your bed.
Debra: Good night, Daddy.
Warren: Good night, sweetie.
Ray: Gets a little chilly up there in case you want to borrow a pair of PJs.
Warren: No, I'm fine au naturel. Besides, my body's like a furnace. [exits]
Ray: Well, you know what they say it's not Thanksgiving till you got a sweaty old man in your bed.

Ray: So it's okay to ask where my pillow is?
Debra: Oh, yeah, I forgot it.
Ray: Ah. Your father's probably all over it by now.
Debra: You know what? I think he's still up. I heard him brushing his teeth a few minutes ago.
Ray: Oh, God. I gotta get it before he makes it into a thigh sandwich.