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‘Debra's Parents’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Debra's Parents

907. Debra's Parents

Aired November 22, 2004

When Debra's divorced parents, Warren (Robert Culp) and Lois (Katherine Helmond), visit for Thanksgiving, Ray walks in on them together in bed,

Quote from Marie

Warren: It's okay, Deb. Frank knows that your mother and I have reached a point where we can laugh about our divorce.
Lois: That's right. We're fine with it.
Marie: I just think it's wonderful that you two are able to focus on the positive and not waste any time worrying about eternal damnation.

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Quote from Frank

Frank: I gotta say, Warren, you played this one right. All the baggin', none of the naggin'.

Quote from Hank

Hank: I don't care what the part is. I do not want to be in that musical.

Quote from Debra

Debra: You know, your parents are unbelievable. "Al E. Money"? Is your father insane? Your mother always bringing up hell, as if creating it all around her isn't enough.

Quote from Lois

Ray: All right, well, I mean, let's just think this out. You guys, you're getting along pretty good in every department. So why not just slap a couple of fresh "I dos" on there, and make this the best Thanksgiving ever?
Lois: Raymond, we're not in love.
Ray: Love. [scoffs]
Lois: We have to talk to her.
Warren: I guess I'd better get dressed.
Lois: Oh, would you bring down my earrings? I left them on the bedside table.
Warren: I didn't see them.
Lois: Well, they're there.
Warren: No, I specifically remember not seeing earrings on the bedside table.
Lois: Well, how can a person specifically remember not seeing something? I'll get them myself.
Warren: Fine, but they're not there.
Lois: Oh, for God's sake.
Ray: Not in love? Come on.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You got anything in here I can poison myself with?
Robert: Listen, I know I'm big, but where can I hide?
Frank: This stinks. I thought those two were gonna duke it out all weekend.
Ray: Uh, nope. They get along great.
Frank: I say they're faking it. If I weren't loving these chips so much, I'd go back in and poke a few holes in their phony happy-divorce crap. What am I saying? I can do both.
Ray: No, no, no, Dad, come on. Look, I already lost my bed. I don't need an angry wife. So please, do me a favor don't be horrible today.
Frank: It's my Thanksgiving too.
Robert: Listen, Ray's right, Dad, okay? Don't cause any trouble unless it'll get the mean outta your system, and then you can be extra nice tomorrow when Amy's parents come.
Frank: I can't predict these things.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Gosh, Daddy, Madagascar sounds great.
Lois: I've been dying to go.
Frank: Well, seeing as how you two are so chummy, maybe Warren'll take you with him.
Lois: No, thank you. No more traveling with Warren. He spends all of his time looking at his tip conversion chart. [Lois & Warren laugh]
Debra: Oh, you two took some amazing trips together.
Frank: Yeah, that sounds peachy. Warren, what about Al, Al, the ladies' pal?
Ray: Dad.
Warren: What's that, Frank?
Frank: "Al E. Money." That's gotta be a big bite outta your ass, huh?

Quote from Ray

Warren: Well, I guess I'd better pack it in too. Thanks, Raymond, for lending me your bed.
Debra: Good night, Daddy.
Warren: Good night, sweetie.
Ray: Gets a little chilly up there in case you want to borrow a pair of PJs.
Warren: No, I'm fine au naturel. Besides, my body's like a furnace. [exits]
Ray: Well, you know what they say it's not Thanksgiving till you got a sweaty old man in your bed.

Quote from Ray

Ray: So it's okay to ask where my pillow is?
Debra: Oh, yeah, I forgot it.
Ray: Ah. Your father's probably all over it by now.
Debra: You know what? I think he's still up. I heard him brushing his teeth a few minutes ago.
Ray: Oh, God. I gotta get it before he makes it into a thigh sandwich.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Was he naked? [Ray nods] I'm sorry, sweetie. [Ray sits down on the bed and hugs a soft toy] You know what? I'll go get it.
Ray: No!
Debra: Ray.
Ray: You can't go near there.
Debra: What are you talking about?
Ray: Just sleep now. [tries to close Debra's eyes]
Debra: What is wrong with you?
Ray: He and your mother are getting it on!
Debra: What?
Ray: It was horrible. She was all... And he was all...
Debra: Are you sure they were doing that?
Ray: Well, why don't you ask the hairs on my neck?
Debra: You know, I knew it. I could tell that there was something between them.
Ray: Yes! My pillow!

Quote from Marie

Debra: Here we are.
Ray: Oh, hey, Deb... and everybody else.
Marie: Happy Thanksgiving.
Ray: Happy Thanksgiving.
Marie: Debra said she needed my roasting pan, which I've recognized was a cry for help. Don't worry, I can salvage this meal.

Quote from Frank

Amy: What happened?
Ray: Uh, she just found out that her parents are still divorced.
Marie: I thought it might have something to do with Lois sneaking out of our house last night in her bathrobe.
Frank: And she didn't get back till 4:00 a.m. I remember, 'cause that's my third pee.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Are you getting back together again or not?
Lois: Well, no, but-
Debra: But what? What? If you're not getting back together, what the hell are you doing?
[Frank and Pat enter]
Frank: Hello.
Pat: Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.
Amy: Mom, Dad.
Warren: Sweetheart, you don't have to be married to have sex.
Lois: In fact, nothing has freed us to explore our sexuality more than our divorce.
Robert: We're rehearsing for a local musical.
[Frank and Pat turn around and leave]
Amy: Mom. Dad. Please don't go.
Robert: It's a musical. We've got a part for you.

Quote from Marie

Debra: I mean, how long has this been going on, huh? What, did you celebrate the signing of your divorce papers with a quick roll in the hay?
Warren: No, sweetheart. It's just that when you spend half your life with someone, and then they're not there anymore, sometimes it gets lonely.
Marie: Then you lose your control of your urges and you do unspeakable things.
Debra: All right, Marie. So you don't like each other enough to stay married, but you have no problem getting together for all of that.
Lois: I don't know what to say, other than I guess getting together like that every once in a while just makes us happy.
Marie: If we all just did things that made us happy, this world would be a terrible place.
Debra: All right, Marie. You know, I'm not thrilled that my parents are standing in my living room in our sheets, but they're still my parents. What am I supposed to say to them, "I want you to be miserable for the rest of your lives, like some people"?
Marie: I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about.
Frank: I do.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Hey, cutie.
Ray: What?
Debra: Nothing. You're just cute.
Ray: What do you want?
Debra: Okay, I screwed up. You know how my mom is coming for Thanksgiving?
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: Well, last night I sort of invited my father too.
Ray: Oh, what are you doing? They're divorced. You can't invite them to the same place anymore. They legally agreed to not like each other.

Quote from Ray

Debra: It was an accident. He told me he was gonna be in Madagascar for Thanksgiving, so just to be nice, you know, I said, "Oh, it's too bad you can't come too. We're gonna miss you." And then last night, he called and said he put the whole trip off and he's coming.
Ray: Oh, why are you nice?!
Debra: I know, but your mom said that my mom can stay at your house, and the kids'll stay in one room. My dad'll take our room...
Ray: Whoa. You gave your dad my bed? The man sleeps naked and spoons the pillow.
Debra: I'll get the pillow out of there.
Ray: Get the man outta there.
Debra: He's got a bad back. He needs the firm mattress. I'm sorry, Ray. What can I do? Look, they're coming, and we just have to both suffer through it.
Ray: Yeah, by "we" you mean me and my pillow. And by the way, you knew about this last night, and all I get is, "Hey, cutie"?
Debra: What do you want? [After Ray looks suggestively at Debra, she walks off]
Ray: Yeah. I'm just saying, this took five minutes, that takes three.

Quote from Warren

Warren: So, R-R-Raymond how's everything in el mundo de los deportes?
Ray: What?
Warren: Hola. The world of the sports.
Ray: Ha. Good. It's good, good. Okay, I'm gonna go help the el wife-o el... [mumbles]

Quote from Marie

Debra: Well, why don't we call it a night? I have a lot to get ready for tomorrow's dinner.
Marie: Yes, and I should work on my just-in-case turkey.

Quote from Frank

Robert: Get the mean out of your system?
Frank: Nope. Looking forward to seeing Amy's parents tomorrow.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Your parents seemed to handle everything pretty good. They seemed fine with everything.
Debra: It was just an act. They're trying to make the best of an awkward situation.
Ray: You should be happy. Their divorce is better than my parents' marriage.

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