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Debra's Parents

‘Debra's Parents’

Season 9, Episode 7 -  Aired November 22, 2004

When Debra's divorced parents, Warren (Robert Culp) and Lois (Katherine Helmond), visit for Thanksgiving, Ray walks in on them together in bed,

Quote from Marie

Warren: It's okay, Deb. Frank knows that your mother and I have reached a point where we can laugh about our divorce.
Lois: That's right. We're fine with it.
Marie: I just think it's wonderful that you two are able to focus on the positive and not waste any time worrying about eternal damnation.


Quote from Frank

Frank: I gotta say, Warren, you played this one right. All the baggin', none of the naggin'.

Quote from Hank

Hank: I don't care what the part is. I do not want to be in that musical.

Quote from Debra

Debra: You know, your parents are unbelievable. "Al E. Money"? Is your father insane? Your mother always bringing up hell, as if creating it all around her isn't enough.

Quote from Lois

Ray: All right, well, I mean, let's just think this out. You guys, you're getting along pretty good in every department. So why not just slap a couple of fresh "I dos" on there, and make this the best Thanksgiving ever?
Lois: Raymond, we're not in love.
Ray: Love. [scoffs]
Lois: We have to talk to her.
Warren: I guess I'd better get dressed.
Lois: Oh, would you bring down my earrings? I left them on the bedside table.
Warren: I didn't see them.
Lois: Well, they're there.
Warren: No, I specifically remember not seeing earrings on the bedside table.
Lois: Well, how can a person specifically remember not seeing something? I'll get them myself.
Warren: Fine, but they're not there.
Lois: Oh, for God's sake.
Ray: Not in love? Come on.

Quote from Frank

Amy: What happened?
Ray: Uh, she just found out that her parents are still divorced.
Marie: I thought it might have something to do with Lois sneaking out of our house last night in her bathrobe.
Frank: And she didn't get back till 4:00 a.m. I remember, 'cause that's my third pee.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You got anything in here I can poison myself with?
Robert: Listen, I know I'm big, but where can I hide?
Frank: This stinks. I thought those two were gonna duke it out all weekend.
Ray: Uh, nope. They get along great.
Frank: I say they're faking it. If I weren't loving these chips so much, I'd go back in and poke a few holes in their phony happy-divorce crap. What am I saying? I can do both.
Ray: No, no, no, Dad, come on. Look, I already lost my bed. I don't need an angry wife. So please, do me a favor don't be horrible today.
Frank: It's my Thanksgiving too.
Robert: Listen, Ray's right, Dad, okay? Don't cause any trouble unless it'll get the mean outta your system, and then you can be extra nice tomorrow when Amy's parents come.
Frank: I can't predict these things.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Gosh, Daddy, Madagascar sounds great.
Lois: I've been dying to go.
Frank: Well, seeing as how you two are so chummy, maybe Warren'll take you with him.
Lois: No, thank you. No more traveling with Warren. He spends all of his time looking at his tip conversion chart. [Lois & Warren laugh]
Debra: Oh, you two took some amazing trips together.
Frank: Yeah, that sounds peachy. Warren, what about Al, Al, the ladies' pal?
Ray: Dad.
Warren: What's that, Frank?
Frank: "Al E. Money." That's gotta be a big bite outta your ass, huh?

Quote from Ray

Warren: Well, I guess I'd better pack it in too. Thanks, Raymond, for lending me your bed.
Debra: Good night, Daddy.
Warren: Good night, sweetie.
Ray: Gets a little chilly up there in case you want to borrow a pair of PJs.
Warren: No, I'm fine au naturel. Besides, my body's like a furnace. [exits]
Ray: Well, you know what they say it's not Thanksgiving till you got a sweaty old man in your bed.

Quote from Ray

Ray: So it's okay to ask where my pillow is?
Debra: Oh, yeah, I forgot it.
Ray: Ah. Your father's probably all over it by now.
Debra: You know what? I think he's still up. I heard him brushing his teeth a few minutes ago.
Ray: Oh, God. I gotta get it before he makes it into a thigh sandwich.

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