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‘How They Met’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: How They Met

326. How They Met

Aired May 24, 1999

Debra and Ray think back to how they first met.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Hi.
Ray: Hey, there, cummerbund. What are you doing? Oh, what's for dinner?
Debra: Lemon chicken.
Ray: Again?
Debra: What did you make?
Ray: Nothing.
Debra: Okay, you can have that and we'll have the lemon chicken.

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Quote from Ray

Debra: Ally made a new friend. Daniel.
Ray: Daniel? A boy?
Ally: He's coming over on Sunday.
Ray: Coming over, yeah? Don't you think you should meet for coffee and see how that goes? Well, Ally, I'm looking forward to meeting your gentleman caller. And I hope Daniel realizes that he's getting involved with a very special young lady. [Ally looks to her mother]
Debra: Don't worry, honey. Daddy won't be here when he comes over.
Ally: Good.
Ray: You're gonna want me there when it's time to pay for the wedding, though, aren't you?

Quote from Robert

[flashback:]
Robert: Totally naked?
Ray: Yup.
Robert: Totally naked? A beautiful woman totally naked facing you?
Ray: Yes.
Robert: Another gift for Raymond. I burst into places all the time. I raid massage parlors. You know who I get to see naked? Fat guys. Fat hairy bald guys. You get to go out with a naked girl.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: There's no way I can ever go out with her.
Robert: Yes, you can.
Ray: No. The whole time she'll know that all I'm thinking about is her breasts.
Robert: Well, don't think about them.
Ray: Don't think about them, yeah. Don't think about zebras. Go!
Robert: Wow!
Ray: Yeah, see? What are you thinking about?
Robert: A zebra with breasts.
Ray: That's it, that's why there's no way I can go out with her.

Quote from Marie

[flashback:]
Marie: Robby, your father's coming home soon.
Robert: Yeah?
Marie: You're sitting in his chair. You know how upset he gets if he sees your imprint in his chair. [doorbell rings]
Robert: He can kiss my imprint.
Marie: It's just that he's working so hard, that's all. I can't wait till your father retires. Oh, he's gonna be so much more pleasant then.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Debra: So your family seem nice.
Ray: Yeah, yeah, they seem nice.

Quote from Debra

Ray: So, hey, Ally asked that boy to come over? That's a little forward, don't you think?
Debra: Oh, please. If women waited for men to ask, the entire species would die out.
Ray: What are you talking about? We wouldn't have gotten together if it wasn't for me.
Debra: You?! We got together in spite of you.
Ray: No, get outta here. It was all me, okay? I came, I saw, I conquered, baby.
Debra: You know, as much as I would like to blame you, us getting together is my fault.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: She's pretty, man.
Gianni: Yeah, I can see why you'd want to smother her with the futon.
Ray: She's different. She's like different kind of pretty. You know, natural, walk-on-the-beach, have-a-wine-cooler kind of pretty.
Gianni: Let's get the frame started then you can write her a poem.

Quote from Gianni

[flashback:]
Ray: She laughed at my joke. Did you see that? She laughed. You think she's got a boyfriend?
Gianni: I don't know. Check out the pictures.
Ray: I don't see any guys. There's no guys. Hey, maybe she likes women.
Gianni: Nah, if she was like that, she'd be putting this thing together herself. Ask her out, big nose.
Ray: No, what? Her? Go out with me? No, no, no. Yeah?
Gianni: Stranger things have happened. I can't think of any.

Quote from Gianni

[flashback:]
Ray: Nah, I live with my parents.
Gianni: Fine, then I'll ask her out.
Ray: No, no, you can't.
Gianni: Why not?
Ray: 'Cause, you're the futon guy.
Gianni: You're the assistant futon guy.

Quote from Gianni

[flashback:]
Gianni: My friend is all nervous 'cause he likes you or something. He wants to ask you out.
Debra: Oh, really?
Gianni: What? You've got a boyfriend?
Debra: No, it's just-
Gianni: Hey, let me ask you something. If we weren't here, you think you could put this thing together yourself?

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Debra: I'll probably be there for lunch tomorrow. You talking about it made me really hungry for it.
Ray: Oh yeah?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Actually, I just had Chinese today.
Gianni: Oh my God!
Ray: Sometimes when I go back two days in a row, I just... I order something different, you know? Like shrimp.
So if I was to go back there and order the shrimp would you want to go with me?
Debra: Yeah, sure.
Ray: Yeah? Oh, great! Yeah. Great. I told you I was gonna be a writer, right?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah.
Gianni: Yeah, what a way with words.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Gianni: Hey, beautiful, you forgot to give her the futon cover.
Ray: Oh, oh yeah. [knocks]
Debra: [o.s.] Coming!
Ray: What?
Debra: [o.s.] Coming.
Debra: [gasps] Oh! What do you want? What are you doing?
Ray: You said, "Come in."
Debra: I said, "Coming."
Ray: It sounded like "Come in."
Gianni: What's up? [Ray closes the door]
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: I didn't want him to see.
Debra: Would you excuse me, please? Okay, I'm sorry. Look, I didn't see anything.
Debra: Yes, you did.
Ray: I know, I'm sorry!

Quote from Robert

[flashback:]
Marie: Who is this?
Debra: Hi, I'm Debra Whelan. Ray delivered a futon to me.
Robert: Oh!
Debra: What?
Robert: Oh, nothing. Just thinking about zebras.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Marie: Wouldn't you like to introduce us to your friend, Raymond?
Ray: Uh, this is my... Marie and Robert. My roommates.

Quote from Marie

[flashback:]
Marie: If I knew you were gonna have a visitor, I would have laid out a nicer pair of pants for you.

Quote from Debra

[flashback:]
Debra: How come you canceled our lunch?
Ray: I didn't think-
Debra: Is it because you saw me naked? Admit it, you don't want to go out with me because you saw me naked.
Ray: No, no, I mean yes.
Debra: Well, just so you know, I don't look like that.
Ray: What?!
Debra: It was a bad angle, bad lighting, I hadn't showered yet. That's not how I look.
Ray: What do you mean? You looked great. Not that I looked.
Debra: Then how come you canceled?
Ray: Because... I was in over my head anyway. I was thinking you'd think I'm just some futon guy. Then you'd throw pervert on top of it.
Debra: Well, you should've let me cancel. That's the decent thing to do when you see someone naked. The naked person gets to cancel.
Ray: I didn't know that.

Quote from Marie

[flashback:]
Ray: So what time tomorrow then?
Debra: I get home from work about 6:00.
Marie: That's no good, Raymond eats at 6:00.
Ray: Ma, do you mind? 6:00 is good.
Debra: Okay.
Marie: Okay, dear, lovely meeting you.
Debra: Yeah, bye, bye. [exits]
Marie: She's not the girl for you, Raymond.

Quote from Debra

[flashback:]
Debra: [o.s.] Who is it?
Ray: [o.s.] It's Ray from Claude's Futons.
Debra: Yeah, come in. ... I said, "Come in."
Ray: [o.s.] Okay, it really sounds like you're saying "Come in."
Debra: Yeah, I did say "Come in." Hi.
Ray: Hi.

Quote from Debra

[flashback:]
Ray: Can I ask you something?
Debra: Yeah, sure.
Ray: Were you making all that food for someone and they didn't show up?
Debra: They showed up. Here you go.
Ray: So, the futon was never loose?
Debra: Look, you know, I've been out with a lot of guys, like stockbrokers and athletes and rich, famous, good-looking guys...
Ray: So you're going the other way now?
Debra: No, no, I'm not going any way. You just seemed like a nice guy, that's all.

Quote from Debra

[flashback:]
Debra: You are planning on being a journalist, right?
Ray: Oh, yeah, yeah.
Debra: It's not as much fun as knocking people over with futons, but...
Ray: Actually I'm gonna be a sportswriter.
Debra: Oh, really?
Ray: Yeah, you like sports?
Debra: Well, I do PR for the Rangers.
Ray: Really?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: So you know, like, Vanbiesbrouck and Larouche?
Debra: Yeah, all those guys.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: Wow, this is great. This is- What is this?
Debra: Oh, it's lemon chicken.
Ray: Oh, man. Wow!
Debra: Yeah? You really like it, huh?
Ray: I could eat this the rest of my life. What?
Debra: Nobody has liked my cooking before.
Ray: Well, they're nuts. Are you kidding? This is great.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: I like the round cubes with the holes in them. Those are my favorite kind of cubes. Ah! Oh! Are you okay?
Debra: Yeah, I'm fine. You keep knocking me down.
Ray: I know, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Are you all right?
Debra: Yeah. [kisses Ray] You're a good kisser.
Ray: All right, you're in shock.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Debra: I don't want you to think I'm like this, 'cause I'm not.
Ray: Me neither.
Debra: I mean if this goes anywhere, it's gonna be at least six months before you see me naked again.
Ray: It's okay, I just want some more of that chicken.

Quote from Ray

[flashback:]
Ray: It's a nice apartment you got here.
Debra: Oh, thanks.
Ray: It's a nice neighborhood. A lot of nice places to eat around here.
Debra: Yeah, I know.
Ray: You know what's good? That Chinese place with the crazy grandmother who screams at you.
Debra: Oh yeah, China Star. I love that place.
Ray: Yeah, yeah.
Debra: - You know what she's screaming?
Ray: Yeah, "Habanida!" She's- She's crazy.
Debra: She's saying "Have a nice day."
Ray: Oh. Oh! Maybe she's not crazy then.


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