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‘The Sigh’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Sigh

707. The Sigh

Aired November 4, 2002

Ray offers to give up their shared bathroom after he gets in Debra's way.

Quote from Debra

Ray: Wait. What's wrong with me being in this bathroom? What? Every time I spit on you, I wipe you off.
Debra: I know. I know that, and I appreciate it. It's just that there's always puddles of water on the floor after you shower, and you leave your wet towel on the tub. You use my roll-on deodorant. You take...
Ray: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I don't use your roll-on deodorant, okay? That goes against everything I stand for.
Debra: Ray, I found a hair.
Ray: All right, one time! One! One! One lousy swipe. That hair must have been very loose.
Debra: Okay. It's okay. I threw the whole thing out before it ever touched me.
Ray: Do I disgust you? I disgust you, don't I?
Debra: No! No, no. Not all the time. It's just that there's no room for my stuff. Do you know how much I would love to have a thing of Q-tips right here? Or have my curling iron always plugged in? Or my makeup laid out where I could see everything instead of stuffed in a box under the sink?

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Quote from Frank

Frank: I'll tell you why she's happy: She's the king now. And who are you? Look at yourself in the toaster! You're the court jester, shavin' in the kitchen sink. You listen to me, you dope! You take back this house, or pretty soon you'll be outside pitchin' a tent over the sandbox!

Quote from Frank

Frank: You just gave up the bathroom? That's the most important room of the house. It's the only place a man can truly express himself.
Ray: Oh, I'm familiar with some of your expressions, Dad.
Frank: I'm not kiddin' around, Mary Alice. Let the woman have the kitchen and the bedroom. The bathroom belongs to the king.
Robert: Yes, and it appears Raymond has abdicated his throne.
Ray: It's no big deal, all right? This is a compromise you make when you live with a person.
Frank: Compromise. That's what the loser says to explain what happened.

Quote from Ray

Ray: There's nothing wrong with Debra having a place in the house that's hers.
Frank: Oh, yeah? Where's your place, Ray?
Ray: I got my office.
Frank: You mean your little wooden desk down in the basement next to the hot-water heater?
Ray: Look, what you two geniuses don't understand is that ever since I did this, the wife has been in a great mood. As a matter of fact, last night, we uh-huh, huh... And no begging.
Frank: And how long do you think that's gonna last?
Ray: Look, all I know is when I said I would get out of there, she's been all happy, and that's good enough for me.
Robert: Why don't you move out completely? You'll get action all the time.

Quote from Ray

Debra: [sighs]
Ray: What?
Debra: Nothing.
Ray: What?
Debra: Nothin'. I'm just waiting for the mirror.
Ray: Gotta pluck your eyebrows before you go to bed? What's with that? You're just gonna mush 'em up, anyway.
Debra: Well, you comb your hair. How stupid is that?
Ray: That's my routine. Wash face, comb hair, brush teeth scrape tongue. You never know when that "blue moon" is gonna pop up.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, listen. I'll use the bathroom down the hall.
Debra: No, no. That's not why I said it. I don't want you to do that.
Ray: No, it's nothing. It's easy for me. Toothbrush, razor, comb... what do I need?
Debra: You would really do that?
Ray: Not just for anybody; for the woman I'm having sex with tonight.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Michael, come on! I'm late for work! Aw, you did this yesterday! You've been on the toilet for half an hour! Come on, you're seven, not 67! [Michael comes out of the bathroom] Were you playing with your action figures?
Michael: It helps me.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Aw, no! No, come on! This is not good! Pick up your clothes! At least hang the towel on the knob, huh? Toilet paper doesn't belong on the floor! It's like a bus station in here.

Quote from Debra

Debra: I just brought your mother up to show off.
Ray: When did you do this?
Debra: Yesterday. Oh, and I took your suggestion, Marie. I put the lights on a dimmer. Ah.
Marie: Oh, that's nice. I always dim them, and then I light a gardenia candle. Then I'm ready to drop my robe and slide into my bubble bath.
Ray: I'm gonna sit.
Debra: Oh. Oh, and look at this. Water massage.
Marie: Oh, you got one of those!
Debra: Yes.

Quote from Marie

Marie: You two are going to be so happy that you've done all this. You know, when Robbie moved out, I took over the boys' bathroom, and now Frank and I get along so much better.
Ray: Yeah. Debra and I have always dreamed of having a marriage like yours.
Marie: Oh, I better go. I'm expecting a delivery, and your father doesn't have pants on. You did a marvelous job, Debra. I just may have to bathe here myself sometime.
Ray: A lot of nice images today.

Quote from Ray

Debra: So, what do you think?
Ray: Oh, it's incredible.
Debra: Uh-huh.
Ray: What do you got comin' out of the tap now, holy water?

Quote from Ray

Robert: Hey. Oh, wow, look at this. What do we have here, Dad?
Frank: Well, Robert, did you hear? Debra kicked him out of his bathroom.
Ray: She didn't kick me out. I gave it to her.
Frank: You gave it to her?
Robert: Why?
Ray: Because I spit, she sighed, I felt bad, and here I am.

Quote from Robert

Ray: I don't need to take back this house. It's my house! It's always been my house, and it'll always be my house! All right? So just mind your businesses, both of you.
Robert: You know what? You're right, Raymond. I feel bad about what I said. You deserve to relax. Let me run you a hot bath. [turns on the kitchen tap]

Quote from Ray

Debra: [on the phone] Well, I know, but you shouldn't be going to bars. You are never gonna meet guys that way, Amy. Hold on one second. Ray, have you seen last month's bank statement? [Ray shakes his head] Are you sure? [Ray nods] Where did I put that thing? Why would you go to a sports bar? Aren't all those guys in the worst shape, huh? I'm sure I put it on this desk somewhere.
Ray: [sighs]
Debra: Ah! There we go. I found it.
Ray: [sighs]
Debra: Wow! I think our bank is ripping us off. These A.T.M. fees are unbelievable.
Ray: [exaggerated sigh]
Debra: Anyway, you know what would be good for you? Online dating services! Uh-huh.
Ray: All right, that's it. Get out!
Debra: What?
Ray: "Oh, Amy... [clucks]" Get out.
Debra: Amy, can I call you back? Okay.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Is there something wrong?
Ray: You've got every room in the house. You got the kitchen, you got the bedroom. The living room isn't mine. I even handed over the bathroom. My throne, my very throne. I would think the least you could do is let me have my little dungeon down here, where, by the way, I happen to make all the money that pays for this whole castle. Or is that too much to ask?
Debra: No. [walks away]
Ray: That's right. [rests hand on the water heater] Agh!

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