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‘Sister-in-Law’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Sister-in-Law

913. Sister-in-Law

Aired April 18, 2005

Ray tells Robert that Amy talks too much.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Wow, are you a liar. You know, I know what it is. I got something good and you can't stand it. You never could. Remember when I made that diorama in Mr. Carolan's history class?
Ray: What?
Robert: Everybody said how great it was everybody! I won a prize, remember? But you said it stunk.
Ray: You had George Washington fighting a dinosaur.
Robert: It was a dragon, Raymond! A dragon that represented years of British tyranny! Which just goes to show how stupid you were then and now.

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Quote from Debra

Amy: All right, let's all just relax. I think we're making too big of a deal of this.
Debra: No, Amy, I have been putting up with this for 15 years. I am not gonna let him do this to you too. You know, when I need to talk to Ray about my feelings or our children, I know I have until the commercial's over. That gives me 30 seconds. And if there's a girl in the commercial, or a truck with big wheels, or God forbid, a monkey, forget it.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Me and Amy, we had a nice long chat.
Robert: All right, that's really nice. What did you guys talk about?
Ray: Oh, gosh, pretty much everything, I think.
Robert: Yeah, Amy's great, huh?
Ray: Yeah, Amy's great. She's great. Yeah. She's kind of like a little... Lady Chatterley.
Robert: Lady Chatterley?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: What do you mean?
Ray: Oh, you know, like she always she always wants to know how everybody is, and she gets real excited about Fondue Date Night. And she told me about this interesting salesgirl that sold her a sweater and-and-and whatever. It's all good stuff. It's all good.
Robert: Are you saying that Amy talks too much?
Ray: No, Robert, I love Amy.

Quote from Ray

Robert: Everybody thinks my wife is great! Everybody! So you have to tell me that she's a Lady Chatterbox who won't shut up? Oh, I know how it goes. Jealous ass.
Ray: Come on.
Robert: Jeal-ass! Yes!
Ray: Stop it. No. Come on, don't go, Robert. Stay. Come stay and watch the game. Come on. You wanna say something bad about my wife, you can. I don't care. Come on. Say it. Say it. "She's a bad cook and she's mean." [turns around and sees Debra] Hey. Hi. One second, one second. And you may think that, Robert, you'd be dead wrong. Dead wrong. Debra is a caring, beautiful, skinny person. So how's it going? [Debra walks off] Look, I saved you this chip it looks like a heart.

Quote from Robert

Amy: You've been quiet all night. Are you okay?
Robert: Yeah, I'm fine. Everything okay with you?
Amy: Fine and dandy. Ooh, did I show you this sweater I got?
Robert: It's nice.
Amy: The salesgirl I bought it from, Bridget, she was so sweet and smart. She's taking some time off of school to make some money, but I really hope she finishes, because she's really great...
Robert: And then you bought the sweater. Got it. [off Amy's look] I'm sorry. Actually, you know, I kind of did have a bad day.
Amy: Oh? What happened?
Robert: Oh, nothing. It's just like every other day, dealing with the scum of the earth.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You know, you wouldn't think it, but this chocolate and salami is a great combo.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Look, Ray, we're not asking for that much. It's just talking and listening. Watch. Hello, Robert.
Robert: Oh, hello there, Debra.
Debra: How's it going?
Robert: Not so good. I've got a brother who lacks even rudimentary social skills.
Debra: I'm sorry to hear that.
Robert: Well, thanks for asking. And by the way, those are lovely earrings.

Quote from Ray

Marie: Oh, that was very good. Raymond, do it with me now. Hello, Raymond.
Ray: Hello, Mother. Oh, look, Mom, a bear in pants.
Marie: Yes, your brother is quite hairy.
Robert: No, Ma, he's not doing it right.
Ray: Yes, he is, Ma. He's also ugly. He should really wear a welder's mask.
Robert: Why don't I weld your mouth to your ass and make a doughnut out of you?!
Ray: You don't know how to weld.
Robert: I'm a damn fine welder.
Ray: Oh, you stink at everything.

Quote from Ray

Amy: You know what? It's taken some time, but even Robert has started opening up to me. Like, he finally told me why he sleeps with a tennis racket under his bed.
Ray: He still does that?
Amy: For the burglars.
Ray: That's what he told you it's for? No, no, no, that's- That's his ghost swatter.
Amy: What?
Ray: Yes, yes. Ever since we were kids, he would- Listen to this. One time, he was about 12, and he thought he heard something in the attic. And so of course I'm making fun of him. So to prove that he's not scared, he went up there with his "ghost swatter." So I took a broom and I went, "Boom boom boom." And all of a sudden, two giant legs come crashing through the ceiling boom!
Amy: Just his legs?
Ray: Yeah, well, he fell on a beam... "Aah!" And it's just two giant legs just sticking out, and they were still trying to run... "Aah."
Amy: Was he injured?
Ray: Well, you tell me.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Come on, Amy, we should get in there. Dad's probably got the fondue pot on his head like Winnie the Pooh.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hi, Ray.
Ray: Oh, hey. Oh, Deb's not here. She's out with the kids, so I'm just, you know, trying to make the best of it. [Amy sits down] Yeah. Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm just gonna watch the Knicks game, you know, and uh, nothing else.
Amy: Great. Yeah, Robert called and told me you guys were gonna watch the game when he got home from work, so I thought I'd wait for him over here. Is that okay?
Ray: Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah. So when did Robert say he was gonna come home?
Amy: In about an hour.

Quote from Amy

Are you excited about Fondue Date Night?
Ray: What what what-what?
Amy: You guys are coming over tomorrow night for Amy's first annual Fondue Night. It's gonna be just the three Barone couples, like a triple date.
Ray: Hey. Hey, a date with my parents.
Amy: I know you think it's corny, but it'll be fun, really. Fondue Date Night.
Ray: Yeah. Yeah, fun. You know what? I'll talk to Robert about it when he gets here in 58 minutes.

Quote from Robert

Amy: Well, at least you get tomorrow off. And then hey Fondue Date Night. That'll be "fun" "do."
Robert: Yeah, you know, I was thinking, maybe Fondue Date Night is not such a good idea right now.
Amy: Really? Everybody else is excited about it even Ray.
Robert: Amy, why do you even bother with him?
Amy: I know he doesn't like to open up, but little by little, I think I'm cracking his shell. And you know what? There's a sweet person inside. Oh, listen I know you and Raymond have had your problems-
Robert: He said you talk too much.
Amy: What?
Robert: He called you Lady Blabbermouth.
Amy: He did?
Robert: Look, Amy, I'm sorry. I've known Raymond for a long time, and do you know what a jeal-ass is?

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hmm. Now that I think about it, while we were talking this afternoon, he did excuse himself to go to the bathroom like, five times. I thought he had a tummy problem.
Robert: It's not his tummy. He has no soul.
Amy: So he just wanted me to go away? That is kind of... jerky.
Robert: I love you so much.

Quote from Robert

Robert: But hey, you know, this is good tomorrow night, more cheese for us.
Amy: No, no, everybody's coming. I'm just not gonna let Ray's opinion affect me.
Robert: Okay, good good. Hey, you know what? Don't even talk to him. In fact, just stay quiet all night. We won't even give him a chance to think that way about you. Huh?
Amy: Robert, when I was just telling you my sweater story, and you told me to... Was that because you think I talk too much?
Robert: No, no. That's because Raymond brought it up. You know, and I didn't want him to think that he was right 'cause you know, like you said, "jerky." And I love this new sweater. It's a great sweater. Great story about the sweater. I'm stealing that story. Okay, w-w-wait, Amy, Amy. Wait. Amy. [Amy leaves] The one time I get a word in.

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