Trending ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ Quotes

Quote from Ray in The Breakup Tape

Debra: Hey, where you been? What's all this stuff?
Ray: I bought some things. I thought it was time to get some new, better things.
Debra: What did you get?
Ray: What did I get? I got some great stuff. I got a cooler, a lamp, a picture frame and a pepper mill that has been "chef recommended."
[Ray places the large pepper mill down next to a much smaller pepper mill]
Ray: Some new, better things. Oh, and I almost forgot "Debra's Ears." [reads poem] "One on each side, Like a dainty cup, So gently they hold thine sunglasses up. So round and nice, with a subtle ridge, There's no bone in there, it's cartilage."

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Quote from Ray in Mother's Day

Debra: She wanted to hear the twins tell their "knock, knock" joke, and I told her it was a bad time and we went upstairs.
Ray: Ha. Did they do the Goliath one?
Debra: No, l...
Ray: 'Cause that's a good one. Knock, knock. Say "Who's there?"
Debra: What is with your family?
Ray: Come on. Say "Who's there?"
Debra: Who's there?
Ray: Goliath.
Debra: Goliath who?
Ray: Goliath down. You looketh tired.

Quote from Ray in Sex Talk

Ray: I'm still I'm still a sex machine. Come on. It was just today. You know, today, it was a long day and the kids.
I had a heavy meal. You know what? I don't need excuses. Come on. Let's go right now, me and you. Let's go mano-a-womano.
Debra: No, I don't want to do it just 'cause you want to prove something.
Ray: I don't want to prove something. I just love to sex you up.
Debra: All right, stop it, Ray.
Ray: No.
Debra: You never want to talk about anything.
Ray: I'm ready now. [sighs] The monkey never learns.

Quote from Ray in No Roll

Debra: No, I'm not talking about romance. I wanted to play this game for other things, too.
Ray: I know, I know. I don't hold your hand enough, watch you sleep, listen to your heartbeat, muh, muh, muh... What, and let me tell you something. What you call romance it's always changing. Sometimes you want flowers, and other times... Other times... How about the time you got excited 'cause I brought home a bucket of chicken? Why? What is romance? Tell me what it is. I'll do it every time.
Debra: Listen, Ray, I'm not talking about you and the romance. I'm talking about you and... the blue squares.
Ray: Wait. The blue squares? The blue ones are the sex ones! What are you saying? What? [off Debra's look] Oh... The blue squares.

Quote from Marie in The Article

Ray: Do you have any unopened toothbrushes?
Marie: Oh course. You need a toothbrush?
Ray: Yeah, I need-
Marie: A blue medium, right?
Ray: Right.
Marie: [shouts] Robby!
Ray: Ma, Robby moved out.
Robert: [o.s.] What, Ma?
Marie: He still has to do laundry. [shouts] Robby, go into the cabinet and take out a new blue medium toothbrush for your brother.
Robert: [o.s.] The blue mediums are mine. I'm taking them with me.
Marie: [shouts] Robby, I said, get a blue medium toothbrush for your brother and bring it out right now!
Robert: [o.s.] All right!