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‘Slave’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Slave

812. Slave

Aired January 12, 2004

Debra and Ray get unexpected help around the house from Ally.

Quote from Marie

Debra: I'll get that.
Ally: I can do it.
Debra: No, honey, you've helped Mommy out enough.
Marie: Yes, you have, dear, and thank God for you. You have learned responsibility and cooking against all odds.

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Quote from Ray

Debra: It would have to happen right in front of her.
Ray: Yeah. But if you think about it, everything we do happens right in front of her.
Debra: Are we terrible parents?
Ray: Probably. But you know what? I mean, how bad could we be? Look. Look at her. She did great. She took care of everything. We must be doing something right. We raised a kid who's raising the rest of the kids.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You wanna crunch numbers? Let's crunch. I understand you do not receive compensation.
Ally: What?
Frank: They're not paying you.
Ray: Okay. All right. Dad, we get it.
Frank: No. I'm glad you pointed out what a bad father I was. I would hate to see you make the same mistake.
How does $10 an hour grab you?
Debra: Frank.
Frank: Excuse me. I'm talking to my client. You like nice things, don't you? Party shoes, taffy, dolls that pee.
Debra: Okay. Frank, we give Ally all that she needs.
Frank: That is management talking.

Quote from Frank

Marie: I think this whole topic is inappropriate. Ally should not be paid because the child shouldn't be working. She should be out chasing butterflies and hopping scotch.
Frank: Okay. Here are her demands: $10 per hour, bedtime of her choosing, an assortment of sugary breakfast cereals.
Robert: Ooh, Lucky Charms just added a new marshmallow shape. Rainbows.
Frank: Uh, she also wants a bucket of chicken, and her grandmother should take a long vacation. That's my commission.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Give me three pancakes.
Ally: I only had a couple left, Grandpa, and they came out kind of ugly.
Frank: The stomach knows not ugly.

Quote from Frank

Frank: You know what makes this sandwich so great? It doesn't come with a side of Marie.
Marie: [enters] Frank.
Ray: Somebody screwed up your order.

Quote from Frank

Michael: Look, Daddy, pancakes.
Geoffrey: Shaped like bunnies.
Debra: You made pancakes?!
Marie: Oh, my God! They could've burned the house down.
Ray: Who told you you could make pancakes?!
Frank: [enters] I smell pancakes.
Marie: Do you know how dangerous it is to be playing with the stove?
Frank: Where are the pancakes?
Ally: You want a pancake, Grandpa?
Frank: What the hell have I been saying here?

Quote from Debra

Debra: Aw, Ally, honey, if it wasn't for you...
Marie: Your mother could be facing criminal charges.
Ray: Not if everybody keeps their mouth shut.
Debra: Listen, Marie. Everything is fine. It's not what you think.
Marie: You think I wanna think these things? I don't. But then I look around, and, uh, huh...
Debra: And every time I look around, you know what I see?

Quote from Ray

Ally: Would you like another pancake, Daddy?
Ray: Yeah, I'm starving.
Ally: I made you a football.
Ray: You're like an artist. A pancake artist. That's the kind of art that Daddy appreciates.

Quote from Ray

Ally: I like doing this stuff. Is there anything else I could do?
Debra: You mean you wanna do more stuff around the house?
Ally: Sure. It was fun.
Ray: Of course it's fun. It's fun to help Mommy.
Debra: Listen, I mean, I would be thrilled to get some more help around here. There's cleaning and laundry and...
Ray: Cooking.

Quote from Ray

Ally: Well, maybe some time when you guys go out, I can babysit for real.
Debra: Oh, I don't know, honey.
Ally: You said I did a good job with the boys.
Ray: It's true, right? Twins alive, house-- house not on fire, pancakes in stomach.
Debra: Well, a lot of girls her age do babysit.
Ray: And cook. In some countries, she'd be married and running her own farm.

Quote from Debra

Debra: I don't know. It still makes me a little nervous.
Ray: Yeah. You know, to tell you the truth, honey, when it comes to babysitting, we kinda leave that up to Grandma.
Debra: You know what, honey? Why don't you babysit for us tomorrow?
Ally: I can babysit?!
Ray: Wait, wait, wait. No, no.
Debra: You can babysit!
Ally: Yes! Boys, Mom and Dad say I'm in charge of you!

Quote from Frank

Debra: Marie, look. We're just trying to tell Ally that we trust her enough to take on more responsibility.
Marie: By making her into a slave?
Debra: She's not a slave.
Ray: Yeah. This is nothing compared to what Dad made us do when we were kids.
Robert: That's true. Talk about slaves.
Frank: I beg your freakin' pardon?
Ray: Come on. Uh uh, "Rake those leaves. Shovel that snow."
Robert: "Change that tire. Lift that piano."
Frank: Hey, I only asked you two bozos to do stuff so you could feel that you weren't worthless. It's called being a good father. [Ray & Robert chuckle]
Frank: Hey, what are you laughing at? I even paid you.
Ray: Oh, yeah, yeah. One nickel. One time.
Robert: And we had to share it.

Quote from Frank

Ray: Dad, look, we're not gonna play your stupid game.
Frank: Game? You think this is a game? Walk away.
Ally: What?
Frank: Walk away from the table.
Ally: Where am I going?
Debra: Nowhere, honey.
Frank: Yes, you are. You're going on strike! We're shuttin' you down!
Marie: Well, I'm available if you need me. And it won't cost you anything.
Frank: Yo, scab, you like your kneecaps?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Guys, guys! How loud do you need that? Come on. That's old-man volume. Hey. Hey, where are the batteries?
Michael: Ally put them in her CD player.
Ray: Well, uh-- Oh, I've gotta do this manually? I'm like a caveman now. Ally! Where's Ally?
Debra: You took her over to the Spencers' last night.
Ray: I wouldn't have took her if I knew she had my batteries. Come on. Where's my batteries? Why do we have a thousand packets of ketchup? I guess nobody likes ketchup. All right, you know what? This remote stays with me. I hope you like that channel, 'cause that's the one you're watching for the rest of your life.

Quote from Ray

Debra: What are you doing here?
Ray: I'm getting batteries. Ha ha. This is funny.
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah. Ha ha.
Ray: What are you- What are you getting?
Debra: Well, everything else. Hey, you wanna shop with me?
Ray: All right. Hey, remember that time I put you in the cart, started pushing you around?
Debra: Oh, yeah.
Ray: I picked you up in the hot-babe section.
Debra: That wasn't really shopping, that was...
Ray: Falling in love.

Quote from Ray

Debra: All right. Come on, shop with me. I like having you here.
Ray: All right. Well, get in.
Debra: No! What are you doing?
Ray: Yeah. Come on.
Debra: We're in the middle of the store.
Ray: Price check! I need a price check on a piece of cheesecake!
Debra: Put me down. Don't put me in the cart.
Marie: Raymond!
Debra: Oh hi, Marie.
Ray: Hey.
Frank: There's something I can't do.
Marie: That's not all you can't do.

Quote from Debra

Debra: So this is funny. First Ray, now you guys. It's kind of like a reunion.
Ray: Hey, give me some of that, Dad. Oh, this is good stuff. We've got to get some of this.
Debra: Okay. Sure.
Ray: Yeah, it's really good.
Marie: Where are the kids?
Debra: Oh, my God! The boys! You left them?!
Ray: No, y-you did!
Debra: No, you did.
Marie: Oh, my God!
Debra: Ray, damn it, I told you I was going to the store!
Ray: I told you!
Debra: How could you tell me, when I'm not there?
Marie: Why are you standing here?!

Quote from Frank

Marie: Come on, Frank. Come on. Hurry.
Frank: Hey, kid, this cereal is good. Take a handful and put it back.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, it's okay, boys, Mommy didn't mean to leave you.
Debra: Ray!
Ray: What?! They need reassurance.

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