Debra: "Oh my God, look what they leave lying around! The 'Sports Illustrated' Swimsuit Issue!"
Ray: "Holy crap! Gimme that!"
Debra: "Frank, you know that's not what real women look like."
Ray: "No kidding."
Debra: "And just what magazine are you in, Frank? 'Bald and Gassy?'"
Ray: "Hey, my problem is, I got a lifetime subscription to you!"
Debra: "And I can cancel it at any time!"

Ray: And finally this is how Lee and Stan might visit someone's home. "Ding-dong! Hello! Thank you for inviting us."
Debra: "Oh, Stan, isn't this a lovely house?"
Ray: "It certainly is, and you are lovely too, Lee."
Debra: "Oh, thank you, Stan. I love you."
Ray: "And I love you, Lee." Now, let's take a look at how Frank and Marie might visit someone's home, shall we?
Debra: "Do you think Raymond is home?"
Ray: "Let's find out."
Both: "Ba-boom!" [mime kicking the door down]

Debra: Hey, you know what? That's what you should do, stuff about your parents.
Ray: What? It's Lee and Stan's thing.
Debra: I know, but you could do like a marriage comparison. You know, where Lee and Stan are a classic, successful marriage, and your parents are less classical.
Ray: That's true. I would love to be able to bring up the time they drove a car through the living room wall.
Debra: Yeah, as opposed to Lee and Stan, who prefer to ring the doorbell. [both laugh]
Ray: That's good.
Debra: Yeah. Yeah.
Ray: Or or how 'bout the time my father accidentally gave out condoms for Halloween?
Debra: How 'bout the time that they fought for a week because they were literally comparing apples and oranges!
Ray: Right, right. I remember that. I had to vote.

Robert: You know what I always like? A good song parody.
Debra: A song parody? Like what?
Robert: How 'bout something like... [sings to the tune of "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain"] Lee and Stan have been married 45 years Lee and Stan have been married 45 years Oh, they like to play canasta and take walks around the malls and why not? It's marvelous exercise.

Debra: "Hello, dears."
Ray: "Make me somethin' to eat!"
Debra: "Don't mind me, I'll just be going through your mail."
Ray: "And I'll just be watching your television."
Debra: "Oh, Frank, zip up your pants!"
Ray: "Zip up your mouth!"

Ray: "Make me somethin' to eat!"
Debra: "Make it yourself!"
Ray: "If I could make it myself, you'd be out on the curb!"
Debra: "You'd love that, wouldn't you?"
Ray: "I think we'd both love it." And you know what else we both love?
Both: Lee and Stan!

Debra: Look, our skit was all in fun. We were even worried about offending you.
Marie: Why would you be offending us?
Frank: Yeah, you think you're telling us stuff we don't know? Marie knows she's a big pain in the ass!
Marie: And Frank knows he's a pig with shoes.
Frank: Yeah. Yeah, I tell you what would have been funny, if you had talked about the time we drove the car through your house. [both laugh]
Marie: Now, that was hysterical!

Stan: Give us a little, Frank.
Marie: No, no, you two just do us some more.
Ray: No, no. Go ahead.
Frank: "No, no. Go ahead."
Stan: That's him! With the nasal voice.
Ray: Yeah, nasal voice, all right.
Frank: "Oh, I hurt my pinky when I was typing! The keys were so hard! I can't do this anymore!"

Robert: Ten, eleven... Wait a minute. There's a teaspoon missing! There's supposed to be twelve teaspoons, there's only eleven! Ma!
Frank: What the hell! What are you yappin' about?!
Robert: There's supposed to be twelve teaspoons. This is an incomplete set!
Frank: What party are you gonna give with twelve guests?
Robert: A big party, 'cause it'll be the reading of your will! Maybe it got scraped into the trash can. Maybe it's in the trash.
[Ray appears in the window with a spoon balanced on his nose. He knocks on the window. Robert turns around, his hands caked in dirt from the trash.]
Robert: That is not funny!

Debra: Your mother thinks I am a moron. I agree to help her and heat up some things for the party tomorrow. Listen to her directions for me "Debra, these are mini quiches," then in parentheses, "French cheese pies." "Put in the oven tomorrow at 6:00 P.M." P.M. is underlined!
Ray: So what? It's not that bad.
Debra: Oh, no? Listen to this, "Caution: oven gets hot."