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‘Say Uncle’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Say Uncle

522. Say Uncle

Aired May 7, 2001

When Robert makes plans to take the kids to the zoo, Ray gets jealous about how good he is with the kids.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Look, I just think there's just a little too much criticizing of our parenting going on here today.
Ray: What happened to, "I agree with you, Marie"?
Frank: So are you gonna finish my pancakes or what? I'm starving.
Marie: The batter is right there, Frank. You can't pour batter onto a griddle?
Frank: You better hope I can't, otherwise you're on a bus to the home.

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Quote from Ray

Robert: It all comes from fear.
Ray: What? Fear of what?
Robert: Fear that I might have more to offer your children than you.
Ray: Ooh, right, yeah you're you're opening up whole new worlds to them. The world of feet that smell so bad, your nose had to grow as far away from them as possible.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Hey, this stuff is pretty good.
Ray: Yeah, uh... Dad, those are goat pellets.
Frank: Now when you say, "goat pellets"...
Debra: It's food for goats, Frank.
Frank: Okay then. [continues eating]

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, I'm just gonna go hit a bucket of balls. See you later.
Debra: Hey, hey, before you kick up your heels and skip to the car, let's at least pour the kids some juice, okay?
Ray: All right. Oh, we're out of orange juice.
Debra: Why is that in there?
Ray: I put it back in to remind you that we're out of orange juice.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, kids. Hey, guys. What do you say we stop eating like this?
Ally: But that's the way Uncle Robert eats.
Ray: Yeah, but what Uncle Robert didn't tell you was that's how he ruined his face.
Debra: Oh, would you stop?
Ray: See, look watch watch how Daddy eats. Mmm-mm, normal.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Oh, Robert, thanks.
Robert: Yeah, I shouldn't have told Ma you were out of orange juice. She said she might start checking things around here more often.
Debra: Well, someone should check to see if my head's in the oven more often.

Quote from Marie

Debra: She's right, Ray.
Marie: You see, Raymond, you don't know how hurtful words could be. I don't think you have any idea how you come across to people sometimes.
Ray: And you do?
Marie: Yes, yes. I'm very attuned to people's feelings. I would never think of saying hurtful or critical things to anybody. Isn't that right, Debra?
Debra: I totally agree with you about Robert.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Marie, when you said, "television all day," you don't mean all day, do you?
Marie: Oh, no, no, I mean the kids also have school and sleep.
Debra: But I'm with the kids most of the day and I don't sit them in front of the television.
Marie: I'm only reporting what I see.
Debra: But that is so not... You don't even...
Ray: Hoo-hoo.
Debra: What are you saying, Ray?
Ray: I'm just saying, hoo-hoo.
Debra: You listen to me, I do not sit those kids in front of the television all day. Once in a while, because it's very demanding to be a single parent... I might just, to get myself five minutes, put on an educational video sometimes.
Ray: Seems like those educational videos have a lot of anvils dropping on people's heads.
Ally: Okay, we're ready for the zoo.
Debra: Not yet, kids, just go up and watch... just read a book.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Well, you know what you said to me before? About how I find being with my kids sometimes to be kind of boring?
Colleen: Robert, that's a mean thing to say.
Ray: I think it's true.
Lisa: Oh my God.
Colleen: What?!
Ray: I know, I know, I'm a bad guy, right? I mean I love my kids, I can't wait to see them when I come home, but after five minutes... I don't know, I kind of had enough, you know. I want to watch sports or even talk to Debra.
Robert: Debra's his wife.
Lisa: Lucky her.
Ray: And they they did want to go to the zoo with you today. I should have let them go, 'cause I don't know what I'm doing.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Raymond, Raymond, Raymond. I understand you being bored by the kids. They're kids. Believe it or not, I myself don't find playing monster for four hours all that stimulating either. But it's not about me. I do it because they like it.
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: But I get to do something that you don't. I get to leave. So it really wasn't fair of me to compare myself to you who has a full-time job and who is a full-time dad. And a damn good one.
Ray: Oh. Thank you, Robert.
Robert: You're welcome, Raymond.
Ray: Okay. All right, I'm gonna go. I'll tell the kids that you said hi.
Robert: Great.
Ray: Okay, bye.
Robert: Bye.
Lisa: Wow, Robert, no wonder you're such a good doctor.
Robert: You said, "Get a life."

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right. I'll see you later.
Debra: You won't see the kids later.
Ray: No? You found a buyer?

Quote from Ray

Debra: What? What's going on?
Ray: You see the kids? Look.
Debra: What? They're eating.
Ray: But look.
[As the kids eat their cereal, they touch the spoon to their chin before taking each bite]
Debra: Oh yeah, it's cute when they do that, huh?
Ray: What do you mean, "When they do that"? They do this?
Debra: Yeah, once in a while.
Ray: Why are they doing Robert's thing?
Debra: I don't know. They love him.
Ray: How come I never see them imitating any of my things? Which are they're quirky without being ridiculous.
Debra: Like what?
Ray: You know, like the face I make when I comb my hair.
Debra: And it bothers you that the children haven't taken that up?
Ray: I'm just saying that if they're going to imitate somebody then they should aim higher.

Quote from Ray

Robert: All right, kids, let's finish up and then who's ready for the zoo-zoo zoobalee-zoo?
Kids: Yeah!
Ray: Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys, instead of the zoobaleezoo, how about if Daddy takes you to the better zoobaree-zoogaree-zoo?
Kids: [silence]
Robert: What are you doing?
Ray: No, nothing, I'm just thinking that I should take them to the zoo.
Robert: But I thought you had golf.
Ray: Well, my children happen to be more important than golf.
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: Right now I'm eating in the normal human way and then the zoo.
Debra: You Ray, may I see you in the other room for a moment, please?
Robert: Yes, and I'd like to have a word with you too, Raymond.
Ray: [to the kids] All right, guys, just remember, straight to the mouth, okay? "You cannot win if you touch the chin."

Quote from Robert

Debra: Ray, the kids have plans with Robert for today.
Robert: Yeah, I even brought some goat food for the petting zoo.
Ray: What kind of guy walks around with his own goat food?
Robert: A guy who's prepared. I happen to have it leftover from last time and there's plenty if you want to go with us.
Ray: Hey, what you mean "with us"? If we go the the zoo, it's you that goes with us.
Robert: Is this about who's driving?
Ray: No look, why should I have to explain myself, okay? I, as the father, think that it's in their best interest to go to the stinking zoo with me today, okay? You can have the day off.
Robert: Oh, it's "in their best interest," huh? Well, maybe it's in your best interest not to have me there.
Ray: What does that mean?
Robert: Well, I just happen to know for a fact that they really enjoy my company. I am after all, a whole lot of fun.

Quote from Robert

Debra: They do enjoy you, Robert.
Robert: Thank you.
Ray: What you think they enjoy him more than they do me?
Robert: Not just them.
Debra: Wha?
Robert: Wait, so you're saying my kids prefer you to me. Is that what you're saying?
Robert: Actually, you said it. If you're waiting for me to disagree, you might want to take a seat.
Ray: Oh yeah, well why don't we ask them?
Robert: Go ahead.
Ray: 'Cause I'll ask them. You don't think I'll ask them? I'll ask them right now.
Robert: Ask away.
Ray: You don't do that to children.
Robert: Oh yeah, that's right. You're all about the children, yeah. [sings] I believe the children are our future.
Ray: Oh, shut up. Shut up.

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