Debra: Look, I just think there's just a little too much criticizing of our parenting going on here today.
Ray: What happened to, "I agree with you, Marie"?
Frank: So are you gonna finish my pancakes or what? I'm starving.
Marie: The batter is right there, Frank. You can't pour batter onto a griddle?
Frank: You better hope I can't, otherwise you're on a bus to the home.

Robert: It all comes from fear.
Ray: What? Fear of what?
Robert: Fear that I might have more to offer your children than you.
Ray: Ooh, right, yeah you're you're opening up whole new worlds to them. The world of feet that smell so bad, your nose had to grow as far away from them as possible.

Frank: Hey, this stuff is pretty good.
Ray: Yeah, uh... Dad, those are goat pellets.
Frank: Now when you say, "goat pellets"...
Debra: It's food for goats, Frank.
Frank: Okay then. [continues eating]

Ray: Okay, I'm just gonna go hit a bucket of balls. See you later.
Debra: Hey, hey, before you kick up your heels and skip to the car, let's at least pour the kids some juice, okay?
Ray: All right. Oh, we're out of orange juice.
Debra: Why is that in there?
Ray: I put it back in to remind you that we're out of orange juice.

Ray: Hey, kids. Hey, guys. What do you say we stop eating like this?
Ally: But that's the way Uncle Robert eats.
Ray: Yeah, but what Uncle Robert didn't tell you was that's how he ruined his face.
Debra: Oh, would you stop?
Ray: See, look watch watch how Daddy eats. Mmm-mm, normal.

Debra: Oh, Robert, thanks.
Robert: Yeah, I shouldn't have told Ma you were out of orange juice. She said she might start checking things around here more often.
Debra: Well, someone should check to see if my head's in the oven more often.

Debra: She's right, Ray.
Marie: You see, Raymond, you don't know how hurtful words could be. I don't think you have any idea how you come across to people sometimes.
Ray: And you do?
Marie: Yes, yes. I'm very attuned to people's feelings. I would never think of saying hurtful or critical things to anybody. Isn't that right, Debra?
Debra: I totally agree with you about Robert.

Debra: Marie, when you said, "television all day," you don't mean all day, do you?
Marie: Oh, no, no, I mean the kids also have school and sleep.
Debra: But I'm with the kids most of the day and I don't sit them in front of the television.
Marie: I'm only reporting what I see.
Debra: But that is so not... You don't even...
Ray: Hoo-hoo.
Debra: What are you saying, Ray?
Ray: I'm just saying, hoo-hoo.
Debra: You listen to me, I do not sit those kids in front of the television all day. Once in a while, because it's very demanding to be a single parent... I might just, to get myself five minutes, put on an educational video sometimes.
Ray: Seems like those educational videos have a lot of anvils dropping on people's heads.
Ally: Okay, we're ready for the zoo.
Debra: Not yet, kids, just go up and watch... just read a book.

Ray: Well, you know what you said to me before? About how I find being with my kids sometimes to be kind of boring?
Colleen: Robert, that's a mean thing to say.
Ray: I think it's true.
Lisa: Oh my God.
Colleen: What?!
Ray: I know, I know, I'm a bad guy, right? I mean I love my kids, I can't wait to see them when I come home, but after five minutes... I don't know, I kind of had enough, you know. I want to watch sports or even talk to Debra.
Robert: Debra's his wife.
Lisa: Lucky her.
Ray: And they they did want to go to the zoo with you today. I should have let them go, 'cause I don't know what I'm doing.

Robert: Raymond, Raymond, Raymond. I understand you being bored by the kids. They're kids. Believe it or not, I myself don't find playing monster for four hours all that stimulating either. But it's not about me. I do it because they like it.
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: But I get to do something that you don't. I get to leave. So it really wasn't fair of me to compare myself to you who has a full-time job and who is a full-time dad. And a damn good one.
Ray: Oh. Thank you, Robert.
Robert: You're welcome, Raymond.
Ray: Okay. All right, I'm gonna go. I'll tell the kids that you said hi.
Robert: Great.
Ray: Okay, bye.
Robert: Bye.
Lisa: Wow, Robert, no wonder you're such a good doctor.
Robert: You said, "Get a life."