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‘The Thought That Counts’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Thought That Counts

711. The Thought That Counts

Aired December 9, 2002

After Ray gets Marie a thoughtful gift for her birthday, the pressure is on to get Debra an equally meaningful gift for Christmas.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Frank, why can't you put a little more thought into what you got me?
Frank: Slippers are very thoughtful. Every day, I see your feet when you get out of bed. So I thought and I thought and I thought... "What can I get to cover up those things?"

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Quote from Ray

Debra: You know, Ray what was it that we were doing in the city that reminded you of "To Kill a Mockingbird"?
Ray: What?
Debra: Remember? Remember, you said, "We were in the city," and I said, "Oh my God!" What was that?
Ray: Right. Right. Well we were in the city, and you said, "Oh my God," because of all the pigeons that there were that day in the city. And I thought, "Pigeons... Birds... Of a feather flock together... Flock, mock-ing bird" Merry Christmas!
Debra: Oh, wow!
Robert: Wow!
Ray: I know, right? It's funny how the mind works, isn't it?

Quote from Robert

Robert: It was me!
Debra: What?
Robert: You should be happy with me! I told him to get you that book! It was my idea, not Raymond's! Me, mine, all me!
Ray: Wait, Robert-
Robert: Oh, you never even heard of "To Kill a Mockingbird"!
Ray: Oh yes, I did!
Robert: You did not. You never read the book, you never saw the movie! I bet you didn't even know there was a movie about it! Huh? Who's the star of the movie, Raymond?
Ray: What- What- What is the diff-
Robert: Gregory Peck! Gregory Peck! He played Atticus Finch! Gregory Peck! "All right, Scout, step aside while I shoot this rabid dog." He won the Oscar in 1962! You moron!

Quote from Marie

Marie: So you two didn't even help pick them out?
Robert: No no, I-I helped. I wrapped it.
Marie: Don't lie, Robbie. Everybody knows you can't work a tape dispenser with your giant fingers.

Quote from Robert

Ray: What's this guy talkin' about?
Debra: So you took credit for Robert's idea? You made up that whole city thing? You lied to me?
Robert: Yes, yes, and yes.
Amy: Robert, what are you doing?
Robert: What do you mean?
Amy: Why is it so important Debra knows that the book was your idea?
Robert: Because it's the truth! Raymond's a glory hog. He did it to Ma, and now he's doing it to Debra. He's got to be stopped!

Quote from Marie

Ray: Okay, Ma, here you go. Happy birthday. Oh, this one's from me, Robert and Dad.
Marie: Oh, a present from my sweet sweet boys. And Frank.
Oh! My mother had figurines like these and I used to stare at them, hoping that maybe when I grew up they could be mine. But one day they all broke. My mother fell into them when I told her I was marrying Frank. But now I have my very own set. Oh, thank you so much.
Ray: Ah, you're welcome.
Marie: Oh, thank you. Come here, Frank.
Frank: Let's not ruin the moment.

Quote from Ray

Marie: Maybe you should take these figurines back. They should be in a happy home.
Ray: No. What are you talking about?
Marie: 'Cause every time I look at them now, I'll think of you boys fighting. Take them back.
Ray: Come on, Ma, I'm not taking them back.
Marie: Take them back. They're tainted.
Ray: I'm not taking them back! You're keeping 'em and you're gonna cherish 'em! I spent weeks trying to figure out what to get you! Weeks! And then I remembered you talking about your mom and her figurines. You think it's a coincidence that I got the same exact ones? I remembered! Then I went to every antique shop in the city until I found the little bastards! I didn't care how much it costs because it's what you wanted. And then you're telling me to take 'em back?! I won't! I just won't do it.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Nice job, Ray. Letting her know you paid more wasn't enough?
Robert: It was all part of his plan to find the glory and then hog it.
Ray: You know what? I'm sorry I bought the damn things.
Marie: Well, I'm sorry my birthday was an inconvenience.
Ray: No, Ma, I didn't mean-
Marie: You take them back. I can't look at them! [exits]
Frank: Well, Raymond, nice going. You ruined that old crow's birthday.

Quote from Debra

Ray: I've gotten you plenty of thoughtful stuff. Huh? You're not making any sense. Maybe you're delirious from lack of sex.
Debra: You mostly get me gift certificates and back-rub IOUs or stuff that I've had to hint that I wanted, like... Like these pajamas, for instance.
Ray: You never hinted about those pajamas.
Debra: I gave you the color, the size, directions to the store, directions from the front of the store to the pajama department. I still had to return them 'cause you got the wrong ones!
Ray: See, if you sleep naked, we don't have this problem.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hi. We just came from across the street. It's not the holidays until you've seen Frank in his Santa-face underwear.

Quote from Ray

Debra: You know, Ray, I don't want you to ever get me another gift again, because every time you do, it just makes me realize how little you care. Merry Christmas, Ray.
Ray: Okay, now you're becoming my mother.
Debra: What?!
Ray: Let me finish! Look, the only reason I ever put any thought into my mother's gift is because she's, uh...
Robert: Materialistic.
Ray: No.
Robert: Yes.
Ray: Yes! Kitchen stuff, that's all she cares about. I don't think of you that way. You always used to say, "I don't care about anything as long as we're all happy and healthy." And look at us we're all happy and healthy. [Debra glares at Ray] We're all healthy. For now. Isn't that the only thing that matters? I mean, come on, it's Christmas. What about Jesus? Huh? You think he cared about gettin' a bunch of gifts on his birthday? Rum-pum-pum-pum. That's all he wanted.
Robert: That's true. Rum-pum-pum-pum.
Ray: Look, I'm sorry I lied. I- I lied that night about having a great gift for you, and I lied about coming up with the "Cuckoo-bird" book. And I know... I know I took all the credit for it, but at least you're not going to the Ice Capades! I'm sorry. I stink at this. But it doesn't mean I don't care about you. In fact, I wouldn't lie half as much if I didn't.

Quote from Marie

Marie: It's December 26th. It's time to return a few of the gifts I got that weren't quite right. Does anybody have anything they'd like brought back?
Debra: No. We're fine, Marie.
Amy: Yeah. We're very happy.
Marie: Good. Great.
Amy: Hey, Marie, isn't that the bowl I gave you?
Marie: Okay, then. Merry Christmas! [runs outs]

Quote from Robert

Robert: So you had to pay more than us, huh? You had to hog all the glory. Glory hog!
Ray: No, it just- I can afford it, okay? I'm doing good. That's all. It's no big deal.
Robert: "I'm doing good. That's all. It's no big deal." You just had to show me up, right?!
Frank: Thanks a lot, Ray.
Robert: I'm paying one-third, okay? So I owe...
Debra: $80.
Robert: $80. Yes, $80.
Ray: All right, just calm down.
Robert: No. I already paid $30, so I owe...
Debra: $50.
Robert: I know $50!

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh my you spent so much.
Ray: Ma, don't worry about that, all right?
Marie: But $240?
Robert: Those things cost $240?
Ray: It's fine, Robert.
Robert: No, no, no. Well, wait a minute. How come you told me and Dad that we only had to pay $30 each, while you paid one... $100... while you paid the rest?
Frank: Robert, your mother doesn't care who paid what. Sit down.
Marie: Frank, you only paid $30 and Raymond paid $180?
Robert: $180, yes!
Frank: I just paid what Ray told me to.
Marie: Skimping on your wife's birthday present. My mother was right to fall down.

Quote from Debra

Ray: It's unbelievable. I try to do something nice and thoughtful, and it's like I killed my mother's birthday.
Debra: Yep. Very, very thoughtful.
Ray: What?
Debra: Hmm? Nothing. No. I guess I was just surprised at how thoughtful your mom's gift was. But I shouldn't be surprised because you always put a lot of effort into the things that you buy... for her.
Ray: Good night.
Debra: No. No, Ray. I think it's great that you got your mom something nice. I do. I just sometimes wonder why you don't put the same thought into the things you get for me, but it's okay. I don't care. It's not a big deal. I'm not mad. Ray? Ray?
Ray: [snores]
Debra: Ray?!
Ray: Ow! What?! I thought you said you weren't mad!
Debra: I'm not!

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