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‘Baggage’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Baggage

722. Baggage

Aired May 5, 2003

Ray and Debra get stuck in a cold war over who should move a suitcase left on the stairs.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Well, we go away, and we only take the one suitcase with us. We had a good time gettin' away and everything, but when we got home, we were very tired, so we just dropped everything, woke up the gruesome twosome that were here babysitting, and went up to bed. The suitcase was sittin' on the landing. That was two weeks ago. So life just kinda went on, but then, after a few days, I noticed it was still there. At first I thought Debra just hadn't gotten to it yet, but then it was, like, a week.
Robert: So why didn't you just move it yourself?
Ray: Well, because I'm at work all day.
Robert: Oh, and what Debra's doing isn't work?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're Mr. Sensitive. What I'm saying is that... Debra's here. She's walkin' by it. It should be drivin' her nuts by now. At that point I was like, "Fine. It doesn't bother her, it doesn't bother me." Then, a few days later, I notice her wearing a sweater that she brought with her on the trip.
Robert: So?
Ray: So that means she took it out of the suitcase. Is that passive-aggressive or what? So you know what I did? I took my clothes out of the suitcase too, and walked right in front of her.
Robert: What did that do?
Ray: Nothin'. Then yesterday I stubbed my toe on the damn thing. So I say to no one in particular, "Huh, that suitcase is still there?" And she goes, "Yeah, I guess it is." So now I definitely know she's not just puttin' off movin' it. She's- She's waitin' me out or somethin'. I'll let you in on a little secret: She's gonna be waitin' a long time.

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Quote from Marie

Marie: So one day, after months of the spoon and the fork just sitting on the counter, we had a big fight. It was our first fight as husband and wife.
Debra: Wow. The shot heard 'round the world.
Marie: Finally, I told him, "I'm going to my mother's and when I get back, you'd better be the only ugly thing left in this house." And when I got home he was sitting right here, and he had nailed the spoon to the wall.
Debra: Whoa!
Marie: He thought he had won. You see what I did?
Debra: Ah, very clever.
Marie: And notice the fork is higher. And they've been there ever since. Every time I come into this kitchen, it reminds me of that fight. Every day for 45 years.
Debra: Wow, I'm shocked. You two seem so happy.
Marie: Trust me, dear. It's not worth it. Go. Go move the luggage. You be the better person. Hmm? Don't let a suitcase filled with cheese be your big fork and spoon.

Quote from Debra

Frank: Well, aren't you doin' the same thing?
Debra: No! This is completely different. I have to do everything around this house. If I don't do it, it doesn't get done.
Frank: Well, that's because - now, take it easy - that's how it's supposed to be.
Debra: "That's how it's supposed to be"?!
Frank: I said take it easy. Now, look, Ray lugged the suitcase around all weekend, but it's in the house now, all full of laundry, and it's all "womany" now. So you should move it. That's how it's supposed to be.
Debra: Okay, now let me tell you something. If I'm the one that has to do the laundry, why should I be the one to drag that thing upstairs, huh? Isn't the man supposed to carry stuff? Isn't that the "manny" thing to do, huh? Isn't that how that's supposed to be?
Frank: Obviously, you've spent a lot more time thinking about this than I have.

Quote from Debra

Debra: What was that about?
Frank: It's all right, Deb. You don't need to pretend with me. I know all about the suitcase.
Debra: What do you mean?
Frank: I know about your little Mexican standoff.
Debra: I don't know what you're talking about.
Frank: Ah, forget about it. Hey, looks like Ray forgot to take the suitcase with him. You oughta bring it up.
Debra: He had three weeks! Why didn't he move that thing? Three weeks! At first I thought he was clueless, but if he talked to you, he knew what he was doin'!

Quote from Debra

Marie: Okay. What I'm gonna tell you I've never told anyone. Not Raymond, not Robert, no one.
Debra: Wow, Marie, what is it?
Marie: When Frank and I got married, one of our gifts was a big fork and spoon.
Debra: Oh. I had always assumed that those were Robert's baby utensils.

Quote from Debra

Debra: I didn't put it there, Marie. Ray. Ray!
Marie: All right, run. Quick, get rid of it.
[As Debra takes the cheese to the bin, Marie opens the front door to let some fresh air in]
Debra: I cannot believe him.
Marie: Why don't we take the suitcase outside and air it out?
Debra: No, no, no! We're not moving it.
Marie: But, Debra-
Debra: No. Ray doesn't get to win because of this. If smells bothered me, I would've left him a long time ago.

Quote from Marie

Debra: Hey, why don't you take the big fork and spoon down right now?
Marie: What do you mean?
Debra: Well, it's been 45 years. Wasn't that the point of your story?
Marie: What, are you taking Frank's side?

Quote from Ray

Debra: What are you doin' home?
Ray: Well, I decided to come home early.
Debra: Oh.
Ray: Yeah, I you know, I had some time to kill when I got to Chicago, so I went to get a slice of pizza. You know, they got the deep-dish pizza, and the cheese is so good. And I got to thinkin'... cheese. I love it, and yet I used it as a weapon.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Listen, Ray, I was gonna order pizza tonight, but if you're too cheesed out we can go to that new chicken place.
Ray: Okay, yeah. Chicken sounds great.
Debra: Okay. [goes upstairs]
Ray: Okay, you see that? You see how she just walked past it just to rub it in my face?
Robert: All I saw was a woman helpfully suggesting a new chicken place to her husband. I always look for the good, Raymond.
Ray: Yeah, 'cause you already got the bad and the ugly.

Quote from Marie

Marie: When's Raymond comin' home?
Debra: Tomorrow afternoon.
Marie: Well, I was just on my way to the market, and I was... [sniffs] Debra, are you cooking something?
Debra: No.
Marie: Oh, because there's an aroma.
Debra: You know what? I smelled it, too. Yeah. Wow, it's getting worse.
Marie: Where's it comin' from?
Debra: I don't know. Ugh! [both sniff around]
Marie: It's getting close.
Debra: Eww!
Marie: Debra, you can't keep cheese in a suitcase.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh, dear. I knew you were having suitcase problems, but I didn't think it had gotten this bad.
Debra: How did you know about our suitcase problem?
Marie: Come with me. I want to show you something.
Debra: Did- Did Frank tell you about this?
Marie: Frank? You didn't think I'd notice a suitcase sitting there for 23 and a half days?

Quote from Robert

Ray: I'm movin' it! I'm the one movin' it, everybody. Look at me!
Debra: I'm still holding it.
Ray: It doesn't matter who's holding it. It matters who's moving it. [Robert enters] You think you're gonna hold it over me?
Robert: How's the suitcase thing goin'?
Ray: What do you want?
Robert: Oh, I was gonna see if I can borrow that, but the airline won't let me carry on all three of you.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, that's a nice suitcase. Can I borrow that when I go on my honeymoon?
Ray: Yeah. Fine. I'm sure the thing will still be sittin' there.
Robert: What do you mean?
Ray: Remember when Debra and I went to Connecticut for the weekend?
Robert: Sure, Raymond. I remember every one of your comings and goings. You're my whole life.
Ray: You want to hear about it or not?
Robert: Sadly, yes.

Quote from Frank

Ray: That suitcase has been sittin' there for three weeks and...
Frank: Nobody wants to be the one to move it. I gotcha.
Ray: But the thing is, I gotta pack now, so I'm gonna be the one who has to move the suitcase.
Frank: Why don't you take another suitcase?
Ray: No! Can't leave that one sittin' there. It'll be too obvious that I did it on purpose.
Frank: Well, that's good. Deb should know how you feel. I'm a great believer in letting people know what's going on in here.
Ray: Yeah, and every other part of your body. You know, I don't want to get in a fight over a suitcase right before I have to go. I'll just do it.
Frank: Hey, listen to me. This is not about a suitcase. This is about who wears the pants in the family. Now, whose idea was it to bring it in the first place? Hers, right?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah. Then I was stuck luggin' it around all weekend.
Frank: If you move that suitcase, you might as well put on a dress and change your name to Daisy Mae Tinklepants.

Quote from Ray

Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: What? Just packin' a soda for the road. Problem?
Debra: That's how you're getting on the airplane?
Ray: Yeah. I'm travelin' light, I'm travelin' loose.
Debra: What are you, a hobo? Why don't you take the suitcase?
Ray: What suitcase?
Debra: You know what suitcase.
Ray: Are you referring to the suitcase that you haven't moved in three weeks? Is that the suitcase to which you are referring?

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