Hank: But why do you do it? Are you using your chin to test the temperature of your food?
Pat: Oh, that's silly, Hank. He'd have a big red mark on his chin every time the food was too hot.
Hank: That's true. So it's not that?
Peter: That's where his mouth was when he got here. He's still growing. [laughs]

Peter: No, Mama, I'm sorry. I have tried to keep certain details from you, but now you have to know. Isn't it true, Lieutenant Baro-nay, that while you were seeing Amy, you were also seeing two other women?
Pat: What?
Robert: No, no! That was just like for a minute. You see, the first girl I met was when I went to Italy, and it was really just an international mix-up. And- And then the other girl was my ex-wife, which...
Hank: Ex-wife?
Pat: Oh my. You're divorced?
Peter: She was a stripper, wasn't she?
Robert: No, not at all. She- She was a dancer of the exotic tradition.
Peter: You know what, why don't we just cut to the chase here so you can be on your way, okay? Robert took Amy's virginity.
Pat: Oh.
Hank: What? What? [covers the Jesus jigsaw puzzle]

Debra: You are ruining this for Peter!
Peggy: Okay, that's it. I'm just gonna go.
Peter: No, Peggy, don't go yet.
Peggy: You know what? Listen, it was really nice to meet you, but I came here for a drink, not an arranged marriage. But you have all been lovely. Good night.
Peter: Peggy, wait. Don't go yet. Peggy, I'm not like these people. They're freaks.

Peter: You know something? Enjoy your movie. I'm going back to Mom and Dad's.
Robert: Finally.
Amy: Peter, wait.
Peter: No. I'm walking to the bus station.
Amy: You're never gonna be able to get a bus home tonight.
Peter: Then I'll sleep there overnight. Nobody judges you on the floor of the bus station.
Amy: You can't sleep down there! Robert, please, do something!
Robert: All right! I'll drive him back to Pennsylvania.
Peter: Oh yeah, that's what I need: you, me, and no witnesses.

Hank: You know, Robert, I've always wanted to ask you something.
Robert: What is that, sir?
Hank: Why do you touch your food to your chin before you put it in your mouth?
Amy: Dad!
Robert: No, it's okay, Amy.
Pat: You know, I noticed that too. Why do you do that, Robert?
Robert: It's- It's nothing. It's just a little habit of mine, that's all.
Amy: Yeah, he hardly ever does it.
Peter: Eh, that's all right. Every family has their oddball. With us, it's Mom.

Ray: Peter! [Peter lifts his feet off the ground in the bathroom stall] Come on, Peter, I know you're in there.
Peter: [o.s.] I'm very busy.
Robert: What's goin' on?
Ray: He was supposed to pick up the reverend guy, and nobody can find him.
Robert: Peter, come out there right now!
Ray: Let's go!
Robert: I can see you! [Peter emerges from the stall]
Ray: What did you do to him? [a man enters the bathroom]
Robert: Ah, Reverend Stevens.
Reverend Stevens: Somebody was supposed to pick me up. I had to hitchhike. Let's get this over with. [exits]
Peter: Well, gee, who did I pick up, then?

Pat: Oh, Peter. Robert, have you met Amy's brother, Peter?
Peter: No. We've never had the pleasure. I met his brother, Raymond, once. He came into my comic-book store. I liked him.
Robert: Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Peter. I've heard a lot of great things about you. [Robert offers his hand, but Peter doesn't shake it]
Pat: Is that a new shirt?
Peter: Yes, it is, Mama. Do you like it?
Pat: Very much. You look handsome.
Peter: Thank you, Mama.

Peter: Well, we should do this again sometime. But now, if you'll excuse me, Miss Puss and I have some cocoa on the stove.

Peter: Whoo. Was quite a mess in there, huh? I know how it feels. I hate that kind of tension. I mean, those people they shouldn't be in the same room together. Ever.
Ray: Okay.
Peter: That's right. You know what I'm saying. This wedding mustn't happen.
Ray: Wait a minute. Why are you so against this wedding?
Peter: [sighs] Listen, man. You know, first, Amy went to college. Then she got a job in the city. Then she met your brother. And now she wants to get married. I'm starting to think she doesn't wanna live at home.
Ray: But that's what people do.
Peter: Oh, yeah? Well, what am I supposed to do? It's just me and my parents, man. I can't take it.
Ray: I hear ya.

Amy: So, Peter have you spoken to Mom and Dad?
Peter: Yeah, I called them yesterday. You know what I told them? I told them how much I love it here. And they go, "When are you coming home?" And I go, "I'll see ya when I see ya. New York is my lady."
Amy: That's great, Peter. What did they say?
Peter: They didn't know what to say. You know, they're so wrapped up in their little puritanical Pennsylvanian snow globe of a world. I mean, this really shook 'em up, man!
Robert: That's great, man.
Peter: Listen, guys, when you're done eating, just put the plates in the sink, and I'll get to them later. Right now there's a mudpack with my name on it!