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‘Robert's Date’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Robert's Date

315. Robert's Date

Aired February 1, 1999

Robert's partner, Judy (guest star Sherri Shepherd), invites him out with her and her friends.

Quote from Robert

Robert: You know who are an interesting people? The Hasidic Jews.
Ray: No, Robert.
Robert: What, a person can't make an observation?

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Quote from Ray

Ray: Robert. Judy, her and her friends, they think that you're just, you're putting on some kind of act.
Robert: That is so whack!
Ray: Right there! See? That's what I'm talking about. We're Italian, Robert. Okay? "Whack" means something else to us.

Quote from Robert

Sergeant Judy: I'm meeting with some people tonight. You want to go along?
Robert: No, thanks. I already committed to something else.
Sergeant Judy: You did not.
Robert: I did too! I actually have dinner plans.
Sergeant Judy: With who?
Robert: My friends. I've got friends. You're not the only person with friends.
Sergeant Judy: Who are you having dinner with?
Robert: You know, the guys. Mike, Geoff.
Sergeant Judy: You mean Michael and Geoffrey, your little nephews?
Robert: Oh, you remembered their names.

Quote from Robert

Robert: I never really got into that bar scene.
Sergeant Judy: Well, maybe you're going to the wrong bars. Where do you hang out?
Robert: Mostly over at that place... What's it called? Uh... My brother's house.
Sergeant Judy: You are in a rut.
Robert: I'm not. No, I'm just sick of the dating thing, you know? Gotta wear a nice shirt, do that get-to-know-you stuff, talk about your family. That's where I usually lose them.

Quote from Debra

Ray: So you're going out, man. That's good. Good.
Debra: Where are you going?
Ray: Who cares? Huh? The man's got plans.
Debra: So is it like a date or--
Ray: Why are you asking so many questions?
Debra: Because this is how people talk.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Nice suit. Where's Gladys and the other two pips?
Robert: All right, Dad.
Frank: No, it's not all right. What the hell is going on with you?
Marie: Frank.
Frank: Don't Frank me. I'm talking to you on the phone the other day, I can't even understand what the hell you're saying anymore. What did you call me dog for?
Robert: That's a nice thing, Dad. You say it to your friends. That means I like you.
Frank: Oh yeah? Well, from now on, I'm calling you jackass!
Marie: Frank!
Frank: What do you mean? That means he's great. Hey, ugly!
Ray: What? What's that all about?
Frank: That's Robert talk. That means you're good-looking. [to Marie] Hey, good-looking!

Quote from Robert

Robert: Man, I should have seen this comin'. She sits next to me every day. It's bound to happen when you all that.
Ray: All right, see, that's the problem.
Robert: What?
Ray: "You all that," that's what Judy wanted to talk about.
Robert: What is?
Ray: You! "All that"!
Robert: What?!
Ray: Judy doesn't want to go out with you because you're black!

Quote from Robert

Robert: But they were so cool. I mean, right from the beginning, they were totally cool with me. I fit right in for once.
Ray: Yeah. Of course, they liked you in the beginning 'cause you were just being you.
Robert: So how long could that have lasted? It's easy for you, Raymond. You fit in everywhere. You're a 40 regular. You know where I had to go for this suit?
Ray: Little Shop of Horrors?
Robert: That's right, okay, I'm a freak. I was a freak at school, I was a freak in my marriage, I'm a freak in my own family.
Ray: You're super-freaky.
Robert: All right, Raymond.
Ray: I'm kidding, I'm kidding! I'm kidding. I'm joking. You're not a freak.
Robert: Yeah, the only place I'm not is on the job. I should never take off my uniform.

Quote from Robert

Sergeant Judy: What you thinking, Sarge?
Robert: Huh? Oh, nothing. I'm thinking I might pick up a shift this weekend.
Sergeant Judy: What's wrong? Got no plans?
Robert: I've got plans. I'm planning on serving my community.
Sergeant Judy: The little blonde ski bunny shut you out, huh?
Robert: She got together with the guy who lives directly above me. From what I hear, they're doing quite well.

Quote from Ray

Robert: Hey, hey, have you seen her? She's all sparkly.
Ray: Yeah, so?
Robert: So I don't look right.
Ray: I'm afraid that's the hand you were dealt.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Oh, hello there, Judy!
Sergeant Judy: Hi!
Frank: Hey, how are you? You two going undercover to bust Johns or something?

Quote from Marie

Debra: You know, they're just friends. They're not dating or anything.
Marie: Oh, I didn't think-- I mean, that's fine. Of course, it wouldn't matter to me if they were dating. Right, Frank? [Frank is silent] She's a very nice young lady and... As a matter of fact, I wish they were dating. I'd be very happy for them. In fact, I would love to know how long this has been going on, because I could have been happy this whole time!
Ray: Yeah. Even though she's black, right?
Marie: Is she black?

Quote from Robert

Sergeant Judy: This is Robert.
Sareesa: Hi!
Sergeant Judy: I told you about him. He's my partner
Sareesa: Really? Got your cuffs?
Sergeant Judy: Calm down, Sareesa, he just got here.
Robert: Listen I'm not sure if this is my milieu.
Sergeant Judy: Don't you like dancing?
Robert: Yeah, in the kitchen. I'm kind of like a kitchen dancer.

Quote from Robert

Robert: What's going on, Ray?
Ray: What are you doing?
Robert: Nothin'. Just here to help out Ally with her report on Harriet Tubman. You know it's Black History Month.
Ray: Oh yeah, yeah. Thank you, Superfly.
Robert: What?
Ray: Nothing, it's just I've never seen you so stylin'.
Robert: Just some new clothes, that's all. Gotta get out more, my brother.
Ray: You're having fun, huh?
Robert: Yeah. Judy and I and some of the crew, we've been hitting the clubs, that's all.
Ray: Yeah, you got a crew now.
Robert: Word.
Ray: Okay, I'm gonna go get a ginger ale.
Robert: A'ight.
Ray: Okay.

Quote from Marie

Robert: You know, I should have expected this. For once I find some people, people I feel comfortable with, and you-- y'all want to put salt in my game.
Marie: What?! - Robby, dear! I am not adding salt here. I support you 1,000%.
Robert: Thanks, Ma. I'm gonna use the phone. I gotta call Judy.
Marie: You're gonna call Judy again? So this is like, like a serious thing.
Robert: We're just friends, Ma. But it's good to know you're down with it.
Marie: You know, I really am down with it.
Ray: How about being across the street with it?

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