Marie Quote #489
Agent Garfield: Mrs. Barone, you seem like an intelligent woman.
Marie: Thank you. Have a cookie.
Agent Garfield: Do you really think that a mother interfering to the extent that you have could possibly help a man get a job with the FBI? There's something else going on.
Marie: He was supposed to retire! He's a year away from not being a police officer. Which means I could stop worrying about him every second of the day. I want him to be safe. Now he wants to go from one dangerous job to another? How long do I have to walk around with a knot in my stomach? Forever? I can't do it anymore. It's too much. But he wants this job. It'll make him happy. And he should be happy. So, yes, he should have this job. Please, give him this job.
Agent Garfield: I can't do that.
Marie: No. No, don't blame him, you can punish me! Put one of those tracking things on my legs so I can't get out of the house. And if you met my husband, you'd know that's punishment enough.
Quote from Robert
Agent Garfield: Is this a joke?
Robert: Excuse me?
Agent Garfield: "Dear FBI Agent Garfield. I'm writing to ask for your understanding. You have an interview this morning with my son, Robert Barone. I think you will find Robert to be an exceptional candidate for the job. He is hard-working, brave, and handsome." [Garfield looks up in disbelief] "But I feel I have hurt his chances somewhat. You see, he has a lucky suit. And while I was ironing this morning, I ruined it. He was very upset, so he might be a little distracted. Please don't hold this against him. If anything, blame me. I don't mind, I'm used to it. Of course, it's also my other son Raymond Barone's fault. He's a famous sportswriter. Perhaps you've heard of him. But mostly, I'm to blame. I only wanted Robert to look his best. Thank you for understanding. Sincerely, Marie Barone." [Robert is stunned into silence] "P.S."
Robert: Oh, God.
Agent Garfield: "Please ask Robert to forgive me. I tried, but it'll mean more coming from you." Please forgive your mother.
Quote from Robert
Robert: Now I gotta go through my interview in an unlucky suit.
Marie: Just because you're not wearing your lucky suit doesn't mean that whatever you do wear will be unlucky.
Robert: Look at my life. All my other clothes are unlucky.
Quote from Marie
Marie: I had the television on and a commercial for some sports program came on, and it said that Raymond was gonna be on it.
Robert: Oh my God!
Marie: But he never told me. And I started to wonder why I have to hear about it on TV instead of him telling me.
Robert: So you burned my lucky suit?!
Marie: I was distracted. Did he tell you anything about being on a sports program?
Robert: Who cares?!
Marie: Don't yell at me. The person we should be upset with is Raymond.
Quote from Marie's Sculpture
Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!
Quote from Grandpa Steals
Ray: All right, look, Dad. We think you should know that Ally was kind of upset about what happened with the guy at the market.
Frank: Okay. Turn the TV back on.
Marie: Wait a second. What happened?
Frank: Aw, the jackass fruit guy accused me of stealing.
Marie: Frank, please! They're homosexuals.
Quote from She's the One
Robert: This again?!
Marie: A woman ate a fly? Nobody believes your stories, Robbie. Just say it.
Marie: "I'm a gay."
Marie: You'll feel better. "Hello, I'm queer, and now I'm here!"
Ray: Who says that?
Marie: That's the slogan. Just admit it already!