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‘Anniversary’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Anniversary

206. Anniversary

Aired October 27, 1997

When Ray helps organize a surprise party for Frank and Marie's 40th wedding anniversary, he is surprised to learn his parents once separated.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Do you know what time it is? Come to bed.
Ray: Can't sleep.
Debra: Oh, listen. You got to stop feeling guilty about getting your parents back together. You know what? Think of them as, like, a terrible virus. If they had met other people, the misery would've spread. You kept it contained.

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Quote from Frank

Marie: How are you eating? Close your mouth before you chew.
Frank: Close your mouth before you talk.

Quote from Robert

Ray: So I guess it wasn't just my arm, then, huh?
Robert: Yeah, your arm. You know, I've been meaning to tell you about that. You know how you fell off your bike?
Ray: Yeah.
Robert: Well, you didn't just fall off your bike.
Ray: What do you mean?
Robert: Well, Dad was away so long, I figured he might come home sooner if you had a little accident.
Ray: Are you crazy?! I flipped over the handlebars! I could've been killed!
Robert: I thought of that. Then Dad would have come to the funeral. I'm glad we talked about this. It's been on my mind.

Quote from Frank

Ray: But 40 years, it's a big milestone. Think of all the good times.
Frank: I had one good year.
Ray: There you go.
Frank: The year I left your mother.
Ray: What?
Marie: Frank! The children!
Frank: What's the big secret? We split up for a year. I came back, didn't l?
Ray: Wait. What are you talking about?
Marie: We almost got divorced.
Ray: What?
Frank: There's a sad word: "almost."

Quote from Frank

Debra: Hi! You're home early. How was the Happy Zone?
Ally: I'm tired.
Marie: Of course you're tired. Because Grandpa was too cheap to park at the Happy Zone.
Frank: That lot costs $3 an hour. I found a meter with time left on it.
Marie: Thirty-seven minutes? We had to run back so we wouldn't get a ticket.
Frank: You call what you do running?
Marie: I saw other wives being picked up at the door.
Frank: I wish I could pick up another wife at the door.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh, that was a wonderful brunch, you two. Lovely.
Ray: But..?
Marie: It was a little much.
Debra: We just thought that you would enjoy a nice anniversary brunch.
Marie: We don't enjoy things, dear.
Frank: Guess why.
Ray: All right. Come on. We're supposed to be celebrating today, right?
Marie: This marriage is nothing to celebrate.

Quote from Robert

Ray: How about the time I fell out of the tree house?
Robert: You.
Ray: Bunk bed collapsing?
Robert: Me.
Ray: Dart in the leg.
Robert: Me. Accident.
Ray: Hamster dying.
Robert: God.
Ray: The time I almost drowned.
Robert: Lake or ocean?
Ray: Lake.
Robert: You.

Quote from Robert

Robert: So what do you think?
Ray: A party? I don't know.
Robert: Maybe we should, uh, get some chips.
Ray: What, you mean like potato chips?
Robert: Yeah.
Ray: I like barbecue.
Robert: Nice. How about sour cream and onion? No, wait a minute. ls that too much?
Ray: Well, it is their 40th.
Robert: Yeah, that's true. How about some dip?
Ray: You know what? We don't need dip.
Robert: Yeah, 'cause the chips are already flavored.
Ray: Right.

Quote from Robert

Ray: Let's hear it.
Marie: Okay. We'd been living here in this house. We had had the kids, and... When I think about it, we were a lot like you and Debra.
Debra: What?
Ray: What do you mean?
Debra: Not like us.
Marie: Just like you two. I think, Raymond, you were 6 and Robbie was...
Robert: 10, Ma. It's Ray plus four.

Quote from Marie

[voiceovers as we see Ray and Debra as a younger Frank and Marie:]
Marie: And I remember Frank and I were just like you two. Everything was normal. We'd had our differences. But this was the day I realized the man I married had no respect for me whatsoever.
Frank: Don't make this a production, Marie.
Marie: I remember, I'd been cooking all day and you were taking your own sweet time coming down for dinner. When I think of how many times I yelled, "Frank!" A nice pot roast, little red potatoes, carrots cooked in the sauce. Before he even tasted a bite, he had the nerve to ask me for salt.
Frank: Salt gives it taste.
Marie: That roast had taste. It had oregano, garlic, paprika. He wouldn't even try it!
Frank: It's my house! I'm allowed to have salt if I want!
Marie: Even if it destroys another person?

Quote from Robert

Ray: Wait a minute. Doesn't that story bother you?
Robert: No. Why should it? It's water under the bridge. We all turned out okay. [touches chip to his chin and eats]

Quote from Debra

Ray: God, all this time I thought my parents ruined my life. It turns out I ruined theirs.
Debra: You didn't ruin theirs. They got back together because of you.
Ray: Right! They could've stayed apart met other people, led happy, fulfilling lives.
Debra: Your parents?
Ray: They were different then. Didn't you hear my mom? Back then, they were just like you and me.
Debra: Yeah. That was the worst part of that story.
Marie: Debra, dear, the guests are dipping their cups into the punch bowl since there's no ladle. ls that how you intended it?
Debra: I'll get a ladle. [to Ray] And they all lived happily ever after.

Quote from Debra

Ray: It's more than that.
Debra: What, we're on to something worse?
Ray: Yes.
Debra: What are we having tonight, Ray?
Ray: I don't know. What if you and me...
Debra: What?
Ray: What if we end up like my parents, staying together just for the kids?
Debra: That would never happen, because I would take the kids. And the house.

Quote from Debra

Debra: They're not stuck. I mean, come on, think about it. There has to be a reason other than you why that marriage has lasted 40 years. Got to be another reason.
Ray: Yeah. What might that be?
Debra: Spite.

Quote from Frank

Marie: Did you see how your father behaved yesterday?
Frank: There was nothing wrong with me, and it's my house!
Marie: That gives you the right to unbuckle your pants in front of people?
Frank: What people? It's Lee and Stan. And Maxine thought that was hysterical.
Marie: You're impossible.
Frank: What about you? Wanting to dance.
Marie: It was a party.
Frank: Yes! People are eating. Exactly why you shouldn't dance.

Quote from Marie

Ray: All right. Stop it, will you? How can you keep doing this?
Marie: What do you mean? We're having breakfast.
Ray: Do you hear yourselves?
Frank: Why are you yelling? We're having a conversation.
Ray: No, you're not. This is not a conversation. It's bickering. That's all you do.
Frank: Who are you to tell us what we do? Leave us alone. The next time you want to dance, give me notice so I can kill myself.
Marie: Good. I'll dance on your grave.

Quote from Frank

Marie: How are the eggs?
Frank: Hmm, they're good. Could use some more.
Marie: Okay. [to Ray] You want some eggs, honey? Sit down.
Frank: Where are the peppers?
Marie: Ah, no peppers. You always ask for peppers, and then you get heartburn.
Frank: It's not from the peppers!

Quote from Robert

Ray: Let me ask you something. They're, like, happy in there, aren't they?
Robert: What do you mean?
Ray: I mean, they're, like, happy the way they are.
Robert: Yeah. Of course they're happy. Thank God. Otherwise living here would be very stressful. [touches chip to chin and eats it]

Quote from Ray

Ray: [sings] Down came the rain and washed the spider out Out came the sun dried up all the rain The itsy, bitsy spider went up the spout again [talks] I love that spider. You know, they could be fussing and crying you start singing that song, it's musical chloroform.
Debra: That's great, Ray. Look at this. You told me you took care of the car guy. Got another bill from him. And the pediatrician is still sending us the bill because you haven't contacted the insurance agency.
Ray: [sings] The itsy bitsy spider...
Debra: Look, Ray. I only asked you to do a couple of things.
Ray: Down came the rain [Ray stops singing as Debra falls silent]
Debra: ls it so difficult...
Ray: Washed the spider out
Debra: Just next time-
Ray: Frere Jacques

Quote from Ray

Debra: Come here. Sign your parents' anniversary card.
Ray: Oh, look, a girl puppy nuzzling a boy puppy. Hmm. Well, you've captured them. "No bones about it, doggone it, we love you!" I'm sorry. I can't sign that.
Debra: Well, I have an idea. Why don't we send them the card you bought them?
Ray: Now I get it. I get it now. "Doggone it," 'cause there's dogs on it. Very clever. I didn't see it at first. I see it now.

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