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‘Cruising with Marie’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Cruising with Marie

317. Cruising with Marie

Aired February 15, 1999

Ray goes on a cruise with Marie after Frank drops out due to a knee injury.

Quote from Marie

Mary Beth: You know, your mother's wonderful.
Ray: Yeah?
Mary Beth: Oh yes. She gave me some great advice on how to have a long and happy marriage.
Ray: Really? Long and happy?
Mary Beth: Yes. She says it's important to remember you're not just his lover, you're his best friend. She's so smart. Thank you, Marie.
Marie: Oh, anytime, sweetheart. And I'll see you at Tai Chi, okay?
Ray: You told her you and Dad were best friends?
Marie: I also told her that childbirth isn't that painful. She's on her honeymoon. She's got the rest of her life to be disappointed.

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Quote from Frank

Ray: What? What happened to you?
Frank: I was bringing the suitcases down. The bum knee popped out again.
Marie: You're so clumsy.
Frank: That's the thanks I get for blowing my knee out in Korea making the world safe for your mother.
Ray: You told me you slipped off a massage table in Tokyo.
Frank: Nevertheless.

Quote from Frank

Robert: You... You're not limping.
Frank: Oh, yeah. Uh, it's a miracle.
Robert: Dad?
Frank: Honest. I was watching one of those religious channels. I pledged five bucks. Praise the Lord!
Robert: You faker! The moaning and groaning and flopping on the couch.
Frank: Pretty good, huh?
Robert: What kind of a person are you?
Frank: I'm a very smart person. Marie will be much better off without me anyway. And what are you complaining about? You're free to go. Everybody gets what they want.
Robert: I guess. Everybody except Raymond.
Frank: God bless that magnificent bastard!

Quote from Ray

Marie: Oh, look how cute this is.
Ray: This is the deluxe package? All right, look. I want to get mad but I don't think I can fit another emotion in here.
Marie: Oh. I'm gonna bring Debra back one of these shower-caps to thank her for letting me have you for the weekend.
Ray: Yeah, the one thing she lets me do.
Marie: Oh, look how adorable this little toilet is.
Ray: Oh, that's great. They stuff you full of food then they give you baby's first potty. Come on, let's just get the hell out of here. Single file!

Quote from Robert

Robert: How was your trip?
Ray: Yeah, not bad. I'll tell you one thing, if Dad's the first to go, Mom is gonna do just fine.
Robert: Oh, yeah? Well, if Ma's the first to go God help us all.

Quote from Marie

Frank: Ow! Hey, hey!
Marie: Keep still.
Frank: Hey, come on. Try a little sensitivity here.
Marie: Too bad you're not a horse, we could shoot you.

Quote from Ray

Ray: No, Ma, you wanna go. I want you to go. Come on. What's it gonna take to get you just go?
Marie: I don't know... [smiles at Raymond]
Ray: No. Ma, look, Debra would never let me do that.
Marie: Now that would be a real present.
Ray: Ma, I would love to go but that wouldn't be fair to Robert.
Robert: No, no. I don't mind. I think it's fair. In fact, it's more than fair. It's funny.
Marie: Then, Robert, you can stay home and take care of your father.
Ray: Also funny.
Marie: Oh, Raymond! [hugs Ray]
Ray: This day started out so good.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh God, activities.
Marie: Whoo, I've always wanted to do shuffleboard. And bingo and candlemaking.
Ray: Oh good. Skeet shooting. I'd like to sign up as skeet.

Quote from Ray

Marie: This is our first trip.
Ted: Oh, well then, sir, may I recommend the deck by moonlight? You and your lady might enjoy the gorgeous--
Ray: Whoa, whoa, whoa! Lady? Whoa! This is not my lady, okay? This is my mother.
Ted: Oh, sure, sure, sure. Mother. Done.
Ray: She really is my mother. Tell him you're my mother.
Marie: Oh, honey, look. Origami!
Ray: Look, what did you write there? I'm telling you the truth.
Ted: It doesn't really matter. We're at sea. You have a grand time, you two.
Ray: Oh... [ship horn blows]

Quote from Frank

Frank: Let's eat. Now this is what I call a vacation. Three days of sitting in front of the TV eating, napping on the couch, soaking in my new hot tub. Nobody nagging at me: "Frank, take out the trash." "Frank, cover your mouth when you burp." "Frank, that's no place for a Q-tip." I'm free! I'm footloose and fancy-free! [dances] Oh, oh, oh.
Robert: Come on, you've got the part!
Frank: I'm not kidding. I really popped it this time.
Robert: You did not.
Frank: I did too.
Robert: Let me see. [Frank groans] You just had to dance.

Quote from Ray

Marie: Oh, there you are. Where have you been?
Ray: Bar hopping. Waffle bar, omelet bar, tostada bar. Now I'm doing clam shots.
Marie: Raymond, so many clams. You should try the crab cakes.
Ray: Had 'em.
Marie: And the little eclairs.
Ray: Had 'em!

Quote from Marie

Marie: I'm amazed at how much I can get done in the morning without your father. I played bridge, I jazzercised. And look, origami. Mr. Sasa thinks I have natural talent.
Ray: What's this made out of?
Marie: Paper.
Ray: Oh! [wipes mouth with the origami figure]
Marie: And tomorrow we're making lotus blossoms. You should come.
Ray: No, I don't know, Ma. Some scuttlebutt about a pie buffet.
Marie: And bingo starts at 4:00.
Ray: Oh, see, but I'm hanging myself at 3:00.

Quote from Ray

Ted: So, uh what are you and Mom up to this afternoon?
Ray: You know, she really is my mother.
Marie: Well, I wanted to play bingo, but I'm not sure Raymond is up for it.
Ted: You know, several of our cruisers have told me they would love to share a bingo card with you, Marie. That is if Raymond doesn't mind.
Ray: Well, why would I mind? She's my mother!

Quote from Frank

Frank: I appreciate your help. I know there's a lot of other things you'd rather be doing.
Robert: That's okay, Dad, I understand. The important thing is we got you there in time.
Frank: Damn calzone. Robert? You're not going to believe this.
Robert: What? Again? All right, come on. Hurry.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Oh yeah. Ring a bell and the whole world comes running.
Frank: I'm done. Help me out of this thing.
Robert: I got your macaroni and cheese on the stove. I gotta stir it, 'cause you like your cheese evenly distributed.
Frank: Now, please.
Robert: [takes bell] That's it.
Frank: What are you doing? What's the big idea?
Robert: I'll get you out when I'm good and ready.
Frank: I'm ready now.
Robert: But I'm not.
Frank: I am the father. You are the son. The son must serve the father.
Robert: Oh yeah? You want to be served? All right, I'll serve you. But first, I'm gonna cook you. [turns hottub up]
Frank: What are you doing? Robert.

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