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‘Halloween Candy’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Halloween Candy

306. Halloween Candy

Aired October 26, 1998

Ray and Debra discuss whether he should get a vasectomy. Meanwhile, Frank takes care of the house on Halloween.

Quote from Frank

Robert: What's going on here? I'm getting complaints about the treats coming from this house.
Debra: Oh my God. Oh my God. Ray, the neighbors! We're gonna have to move now.
Frank: What, what? Were you saving them for something?
Ray: Yes! As a matter of fact, yes!
Debra: All right, Ray.
Ray: The things, Debra. We have no more things! Dracula! Dracula! [runs out]
Frank: I don't get it. What's the big deal?
Robert: What's the big deal? [whispers in Frank's ear]
Frank: [to Debra] You are sick.

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Quote from Frank

Marie: You think that's so different from who you really are?
Frank: Doctor make bad bride! Frankenstein sue doctor!

Quote from Ray

Debra: So, you're blaming me?
Ray: Well, what? You're the one who's in charge of the stuff.
Debra: Well, why do I always have to be in charge? Why don't you go to the drugstore and get some things?
Ray: Things. You know, I don't like the things.
Debra: Well, I don't like the stuff.
Ray: I don't even like to buy the things. Especially if there's a lady cashier. I feel- I feel all dirty. Like, "Hey, hey! Guess what I'm gonna be doing later?" Maybe. If I can get all the kids to sleep and if the moon and the stars all line up.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Well, I'm proud of you.
Ray: And you listen up here, sweet sister. From now on, all this? This is- It's all my responsibility, okay? You don't think about it. Not at all. Okay? I do it all. I take your ticket, I show you to your seat.
Debra: Yeah, yeah?
Ray: It's all me. Yeah. So you just, you know, clear your mind, and your schedule and give Popeye some spinach.
Debra: Mm, you got it. Right after trick-or-treating. [Ray groans] And the kids fall asleep. [Ray groans] But, I'm thinking it could all happen by 9:30.
Ray: Yeah? All right.
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: And then Sports Center at 10:00.
Debra: Well... Well, I might not be done with you by 10:00.
Ray: Well, could we start at 9:15? 'Cause I really want to watch Sports Center.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Frankenstein! Hungry! Eat children!
Ray: Come on, Dad. Every year the same thing? Your bolts are rusting.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Where are the kids?
Ray: Oh, they're going to spend the night at your house.
Frank: You know, you didn't leave me enough candy.
Debra: Really? 'Cause that bowl was full.
Frank: Oh, I almost had a riot on my hands. Good thing I found those chocolate coins you left in the cupboard.
Ray: Chocolate coins?
Debra: Chocolate coins in brightly colored wrappers, Ray.
Ray: The things? You gave out the things?
Debra: Yeah.
Frank: Yeah, so what?
Ray: So?! You don't go into somebody's house and go in their cabinets and take their things and give 'em out, you maniac!
Frank: It's Halloween. You gotta give the kids what they want!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Got it, got it, got it. I had to go through until I found the right one. And then I bought it off him.
Debra: Did he know what he had?
Ray: No, but I didn't want to get him suspicious, so I also bought a popcorn ball, a marshmallow ghost and a box of raisins.
Debra: Do you know how many parents I've had to talk to tonight?
Ray: Well, if it's more than two dozen, then we're not the only ones giving out the things.

Quote from Ray

Ray: [shouts out the window] Hey! Captain Hook! Did you get any candy from Frankenstein? [to Debra] No, no, honey. Come on, stay awake. Stay awake. Get up. That's it. Bright eyed. Come on, bushy tailed, let's go. No, no, stay awake. Let's sing. [sings] John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt! [shouts out the window] Hey, you, Nixon! Did you get any candy from Frankenstein? [a roll of toilet paper is thrown through the window] Hey! I know where you live, Casper! [to Debra] No, no, no! No, honey, come on. Come on. Oh, I hate Halloween! [turns TV on] Eh, Sports Center.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, how 'bout this? We're on a private jet, right? And all the passengers, they're asleep.
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah. And I'm the captain and you're the flight attendant.
Debra: Okay.
Ray: Hello, Vicky.
Debra: Wait. Who's Vicky?
Ray: You are.
Debra: Why can't I just be me?
Ray: All right. Okay, all right. Fine, fine. You're you. Hello, Debbie. Boy, I usually don't cramp up when I fly, but maybe you could take off your clothes and rub my neck a little.
Debra: Okay, wait, Ray-- Ray, can you just be you?
Ray: I can't be me. I don't know how to fly this thing.
Debra: Just forget the airplane. I just want to be here in our bedroom with you.
Ray: What kind of pervert are you?

Quote from Ray

Debra: Oh, no.
Ray: What, what no? Everything's locked, turned off or asleep.
Debra: No, no. I just remembered, I think I'm out of stuff.
Ray: Stuff?
Debra: Yeah. Well, there might be a tube of it around here somewhere.
Ray: Tube? A tube.
Debra: Yes, a tube. Unless you want to be a father again, look for the tube.
Ray: Well, where- What does it look like? It's been so long, it's probably expired. Come on, everything was going so well. I was home, you were awake. Got it, got it!
Debra: You got it?
Ray: Got it. Yes.
Debra: Ray, this is sunblock.
Ray: Okay. Now, we're on a beach right? Yeah. You're the rich society- I'm Juan, the cabana boy.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Well, there is another option, you know?
Ray: Well, what?
Debra: We discussed it. A little snip, snip.
Ray: Hey. Hey! Ow! No! Watch with that kind of talk, huh? He can hear you. Don't listen to the crazy lady, okay? Don't- No snip, snip. No snip, snip.
Debra: Why don't you tell your partner, that it might be in his best interest to take over this little responsibility? He might get out more often.
Ray: What are you saying there?
Debra: I'm just saying that if I wasn't in charge of absolutely everything, I might, theoretically, be more inclined to-- more often.
Ray: Hmm. But now if we were to do something this drastic, we might need something in writing.
Debra: Well I can't give you any guarantees, but...
Ray: My- My client is going to need some assurances here.
Debra: I'm sure we can reach a satisfying arrangement. Why don't you two discuss it?
Ray: Yeah, I'll bring it up at the next meeting.

Quote from Ray

Robert: Is Debra okay with this?
Ray: Okay? She came at me with a pair of scissors.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Ray, let me just say one word, okay? Paplowski.
Ray: What?
Robert: Paplowski. Guy on my squad. We went through the academy together. Had a great future. And then he got fixed. He was never the same.
Ray: What do you mean?
Robert: Well, let's just say, after the procedure, he had trouble saluting the captain.
Ray: Saluting the captain?
Robert: Yeah. He could protect, but he could not serve.
Ray: Really?
Robert: Yeah. Completely messed up his head, you know? Never got over the fact that he was firing blanks. Last time I saw the guy he was working security at the mall. The poor bastard.
Ray: I don't wanna work at the mall.
Robert: Just thought I'd give you something to think about.
Ray: [to "himself"] We're gonna have to have another meeting.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Oh, you're back. Oh, Ray. I feel terrible. I wish you would've let me go to the doctor with you. Are you okay, hmm?
Ray: [high-pitched] I'm fine.
Debra: Oh, Ray.
Ray: Gonna be sore for a little while.

Quote from Debra

Ray: I didn't do it.
Debra: Why not, what happened?
Ray: Well, there are some risks.
Debra: There are?
Ray: Yeah, I was talking to the guys at Nemo's...
Debra: Oh, the guys at Nemo's. Brilliant medical minds. How did you get an appointment?

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