Chris Elliott Quotes

Find quotes from 2 of Chris Elliott's TV roles.

  • Roland Schitt - Schitt's Creek Roland Schitt - Schitt's Creek

    After the wealthy Rose family lose their fortune, they go to live in their one remaining asset, the small town of Schitt's Creek, which they bought as a joke two decades earlier.

    Main Character 270 quotes

  • Peter MacDougall - Everybody Loves Raymond Peter MacDougall - Everybody Loves Raymond

    Ray Barone is a sportswriter who lives on Long Island with his wife, Debra, and their daughter and twin boys. Ray's parents, Frank and Marie, live across the street and his brother, Robert, lives with them.

    Recurring Character 38 quotes

Schitt's Creek: Roland Schitt Quotes

Quote from Honeymoon

Roland: My son lives in a barn in the woods, by choice. He could be the next mayor of this town if he wanted it.
Johnny: My son is pansexual.
Roland: Mm-hmm, I've heard of that. I know what that is. That's, uh, that cookware fetish.
Johnny: No.
Roland: Mm-hmm!
Johnny: No, no.
Roland: No, I read about that.
Johnny: No. He loves everyone. Men, women, women who become men, men who become women. I'm his father, and I always wanted his life to be easy. But, you know, just pick one gender, and maybe, maybe everything would've been less confusing.
Roland: Well, you know, Johnny, when it comes to matters of the heart, we can't tell our kids who to love. Who said that?
Johnny: You did.


Quote from The Motel Guest

Johnny: You didn't hear us last night?
Roland: Nope.
Johnny: Banging away?
Roland: Now, whatever you and the missus do after hours, that's your business, not mine.
Johnny: On the walls, Roland, with our fists!
Roland: And if you're into that kind of stuff, that doesn't bother me at all.

Quote from Finding David

Johnny: It's been three days without any contact.
Roland: Johnny, you wouldn't know this, but statistics tell us you have a 48 hour window before you can assume somebody is dead.
Johnny: Yeah, I just said it's been three days.
Roland: Then do we call off the search?
Johnny: Oh, my God!

Everybody Loves Raymond: Peter MacDougall Quotes

Quote from Crazy Chin

Hank: But why do you do it? Are you using your chin to test the temperature of your food?
Pat: Oh, that's silly, Hank. He'd have a big red mark on his chin every time the food was too hot.
Hank: That's true. So it's not that?
Peter: That's where his mouth was when he got here. He's still growing. [laughs]

Quote from Just a Formality

Peter: No, Mama, I'm sorry. I have tried to keep certain details from you, but now you have to know. Isn't it true, Lieutenant Baro-nay, that while you were seeing Amy, you were also seeing two other women?
Pat: What?
Robert: No, no! That was just like for a minute. You see, the first girl I met was when I went to Italy, and it was really just an international mix-up. And- And then the other girl was my ex-wife, which...
Hank: Ex-wife?
Pat: Oh my. You're divorced?
Peter: She was a stripper, wasn't she?
Robert: No, not at all. She- She was a dancer of the exotic tradition.
Peter: You know what, why don't we just cut to the chase here so you can be on your way, okay? Robert took Amy's virginity.
Pat: Oh.
Hank: What? What? [covers the Jesus jigsaw puzzle]

Quote from A Date for Peter

Debra: You are ruining this for Peter!
Peggy: Okay, that's it. I'm just gonna go.
Peter: No, Peggy, don't go yet.
Peggy: You know what? Listen, it was really nice to meet you, but I came here for a drink, not an arranged marriage. But you have all been lovely. Good night.
Peter: Peggy, wait. Don't go yet. Peggy, I'm not like these people. They're freaks.