Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘Neighbors’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Neighbors

120. Neighbors

Aired March 10, 1997

When the neighbors visit Ray and Debra to complain about his parents' behavior, Frank and Marie accuse him of taking sides against the family.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Ray, you've got nothing to feel guilty for. You didn't do anything. As a matter of fact, you were defending them.
Ray: That doesn't matter. Guilt is just a way of life for me. I was trained by masters: my mother, my father, the Pope.

Rate

Quote from Ray

Priest: We all have these kinds of feeling from time to time. You know, there was a man on our church council a few years ago. A decent enough fellow but a bit abrasive. Oblivious to anyone else's feelings. I wanted to get him out of my hair. I used to fantasize about him converting to Judaism. One day, I said, "Frank, I think..."
Ray: Wait, a minute his name was Frank?
Priest: That's unimportant. The point-
Ray: No. Frank Barone?
Priest: You know Frank Barone?
Ray: He's my father.
Priest: Your parents are Frank and Marie Barone?
Ray: Yes.
Priest: You're absolved.
Ray: What?
Priest: Our Lord forgives your thoughts.
Ray: Yeah? Really? You're sure?
Priest: Well, I could look it up but I'm almost positive.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'm sorry, Father, I thought this was the confessional.
Priest: This is the confessional.
Ray: uh, where's the booth with the kneeler and the sliding window through which you can't see me?
Priest: You haven't been here in a while have you?
Ray: Uh, about twenty years. I've been good.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, I start, right? Okay. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been, well, you know, a long time since my last confession. Let's see. Uh, I've cursed about 90,000 times. Ate a lot of meat on Fridays.
Priest: Oh, we abolished that rule a long time ago.
Ray: Wow, you guys are changing everything.
Priest: Now, what really brings you here after 20 years?
Ray: All right, the thing is I think I broke one of the commandments. The one about "Honor thy father and thy mother".
Priest: Really?
Ray: That's bad, huh?
Priest: I just don't get that one a lot. At least not from someone in your age group. You're more in the "Covet thy neighbor's wife" phase of life.

Quote from Debra

Frank: What are you doing in your pajamas?
Ray: It's a little early for woodworking, isn't it?
Frank: Not for me. I never felt so alive. You know the satisfaction of doing something with your own two hands?
Debra: I'm imagining it right now.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Now the neighbors want to come over here tonight to discuss your parents.
Ray: Discuss my parents?
Debra: This is so embarrassing. And she actually said "your family", like I have anything to do with it.
Ray: Who are these people to discuss my parents?
Debra: I should have kept my maiden name.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, all right. I understand. You're talking about the noise: the car alarm, the buzz saw, my mom. I'm gonna handle it. Okay? Good meeting. Thank you very much. You know, take some cookies. My mom made those. They're pretty good.

Quote from Ray

Mack: You know your father's leaf blower? Last week, he blew everything from his lawn onto mine, including a dead chipmunk.
Ray: You're right. Nobody should blow rodents around.
Arthur: And your mother accepts my packages and then she neglects to inform me.
Ray: Yeah, you're mad now, but when one of those babies explodes you're gonna thank her.

Quote from Debra

Ruth: We are very serious, Ray. We hope you will talk to your parents about all of these things because we don't wanna have to go to the extreme.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Lilly: We could initiate legal action and get your parents out of the neighborhood.
Debra: ls that possible? I was just asking a question.
Ray: Right.
Arthur: Nobody really wants that to happen. They're older people. Where would they go?
Debra: Florida.
Ray: What are you doing?
Debra: It's warm in Florida.

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right, listen. Let's back up here a second. They make a little noise and they could be a little irksome sometimes. But come on, let's look at their good points, too. They recycle. They're not cannibals.
Mack: I didn't want have to show this, but I have a tape.
Ray: They are cannibals?

Quote from Ray

Ray: It's not that I don't love my mother and my father. It's just that it's very hard to honor them.
Priest: Oh, you're trying to put them in a home.
Ray: No, no, no. You see, the neighbors wanted to throw them out of the neighborhood and even though I was defending them, and the neighbors are okay now, I still feel guilty.
Priest: It doesn't sound like you did anything wrong.
Ray: Then how come I feel so lousy?
Priest: Maybe your guilt's coming from a deeper place.
Ray: What do you mean?
Priest: How do you feel about your parents?
Ray: What are you saying? Are you saying that maybe I feel this way because deep down I think the neighbors are right? That part of me wants to throw them out of the neighborhood, too? That they've been just driving me crazy my whole life? That's what you are saying isn't it?

Quote from Robert

Priest: I can understand why it bothers you. But it's quite normal to have thoughts about your parents dying.
Robert: Did I mention the part about the sandwiches?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Tommy, I've been trying to get you to come here for years just to try my sauce. It's the only thing I make really.
Tommy Lasorda: Yeah, I got a lot more time now. You know, this is my whole life lately. I go to friends' houses and taste their food. To me, it's more relaxing than managing.
Ray: Here you go. What do you think of that?
Tommy Lasorda: You made this sauce?
Ray: Yeah, it's my mother's recipe.
Tommy Lasorda: I gotta tell you it's a little bush league. Come on over here.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Tommy Lasorda: It needs more seasoning. Okay, put a little hot pepper in it. All right, now let me see you stir.
Ray: You know, I just stir-
Tommy Lasorda: Look at the way you're holding the spoon. Choke up on it a little. Okay, get your head down. All right, bend your knees follow through and give me some more stirring power and get your elbow up.
Ray: I thought you just wanted to relax.
Tommy Lasorda: Hey, keep your eye on the sauce. Rookies.

Quote from Ray

Debra: My God. Ray, what is that?
Ray: Oh no. It's coming from my parents' house. My father put in one of those new motion sensor lights.
Debra: God. It's like the mother ship is landing.
Ray: I told him not to make it so sensitive. A moth probably flew by. Let's see what's out there.
Debra: What do you see?
Ray: I think I saw my own retina.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Your father is driving me nuts Ray. Did you call him?
Ray: Nobody's answering. They're probably deaf by now. Why is he woodworking at 730 in the morning?
Debra: Because some genius gave him the Big Book of Hobbies.
Ray: I wanted to give him something to do so he'd stop coming here and annoying us.
Debra: Yeah, so now he's... [saw whirs] So now he's... [saw] Now he's... [saw] Good idea, Ray!

Page 2 

 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  View another episode