Marie: Well, pardon me for saying it, but isn't that a little hypocritical? I mean, here I am, ready to embrace this.
Lois: I know, and pardon me for saying this, but maybe in this case it really isn't up to you. I mean, well, heaven forbid you don't get your way for once. [laughs]
Marie: [faint chuckle] May I just ask, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Lois: I'm just going by what I see around here.
Marie: At least I'm always here, not like some mothers.
Lois: Well, some mothers might say that you're here a little too much.

Ray: What's going on? What happened?
Debra: She rejected me.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Debra: Your mother. I went over there and I called her "Mom," and she turned me down.
Ray: Really?
Debra: I told her that I wanted to call her "Mom," and she just went, "That's all right."
Ray: Huh.
Debra: [hitting Ray with a pillow] Why did you make me do that?!
Ray: I didn't- I didn't make you do it! I was just trying to win an argument. I didn't think you would actually try it.
Debra: [resumes hitting Ray] I cannot believe her! She's unbelievable! Your mother is unbelievable!

Debra: Oh, good. You guys were there. Was that the most humiliating thing you have ever seen?
Robert: Brutal, Raymond.
Frank: I felt bad for you, sweetheart. Had trouble finishing my lunch.
Ray: What happened? After she said no, what did you do?
Debra: Just sat there like an idiot.
Robert: Us, too.
Debra: Marie just went about her business as if nothing had happened.
Robert: I know how you feel, Deb. That's just how she is. Only certain people are allowed in the pantheon of affection: the Pope, Frank Sinatra, Placido Domingo, and Raymond. You just gotta let it go. That's all. You gotta let it go!
Ray: Yeah. Like he did.
Robert: I know what. Maybe I'll start calling her "Marie." Bet she wouldn't even notice. "Hello, Marie." "Hello, Robbie. Have you seen Placido Domingo? Or Raymond?"

Ray: Come on, Deb, huh? Don't feel sad.
Debra: Thanks for telling me how to feel, Ray. I've got a headache. I'm gonna go lie down. [goes upstairs]
Ray: What should I do? Should I go up there?
Robert: What would you say to her?
Ray: I don't know. What do you think?
Frank: That you should never go up there.
Ray: Should I talk to Mom?
Frank: [chuckles]
Robert: What are you gonna say to her?
Frank: Listen to me. This is about feelings. You know anything about feelings? Of course you don't. None of us do. So just sit down, shut up, loosen your pants. What more can we do?

Marie: Are you all right?
Debra: Just a little headache. It comes and goes. Really coming on now.
Marie: Wait, wait. Sit down. Let me get you some aspirin. I have three different kinds.
Robert: Sometimes I get those headaches when I come over, too, Deb. Which kind is it dull, pounding, or axe to the back of the skull?

Marie: So, you and Lois are getting along.
Ray: Well, yes. She's all right, I guess.
Marie: You two seem to be very familiar.
Ray: Oh, you mean the "Mom" thing? Remember I called her that at Thanksgiving the one time? I don't know, I guess she likes it, so throw her a bone.
Marie: I think it's wonderful that you're still doing it.
Ray: Yeah?
Marie: Of course. I'm very happy for you. You have two moms now. This new one and the one God gave you. [exits]
Ray: Gotta get that bell.

Debra: Yeah. I'm going to start calling Marie "Mom." Isn't that nice?
Lois: Oh? That is nice.
Debra: You know, like you and Raymond.
Lois: Mmm-hmm.
Debra: What's wrong? Is something the matter?
Lois: No, no, no, no, nothing. It just sounded a little strange hearing you call her "Mom"... because I'm your mom.
Marie: Well. Well, I'm Raymond's mom, and I don't have a problem with this.
Lois: I'm sorry. I can't explain it, but just hearing Debra saying that, it just feels wrong.

Marie: Oh, really? Well, maybe I should be off living some swinging single's life that's inappropriate for my age.
Lois: Swinging?
Marie: That's right, party girl.

Lois: Look, Ray. I bought the doughnut holes you like. Don't show Debra.
Ray: Ah, chocolate! Thanks, Mom.
Lois: Hello, Marie.
Ray: Hi! Hey! Hi! Whoa! Didn't hear you. Gonna tie a bell around your neck.