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‘Call Me Mom’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Call Me Mom

621. Call Me Mom

Aired April 29, 2002

Marie overhears Ray calling Debra's mother, Lois (guest star Katherine Helmond), "mom".

Quote from Lois

Marie: Well, pardon me for saying it, but isn't that a little hypocritical? I mean, here I am, ready to embrace this.
Lois: I know, and pardon me for saying this, but maybe in this case it really isn't up to you. I mean, well, heaven forbid you don't get your way for once. [laughs]
Marie: [faint chuckle] May I just ask, what the hell is that supposed to mean?
Lois: I'm just going by what I see around here.
Marie: At least I'm always here, not like some mothers.
Lois: Well, some mothers might say that you're here a little too much.

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Quote from Debra

Ray: What's going on? What happened?
Debra: She rejected me.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Debra: Your mother. I went over there and I called her "Mom," and she turned me down.
Ray: Really?
Debra: I told her that I wanted to call her "Mom," and she just went, "That's all right."
Ray: Huh.
Debra: [hitting Ray with a pillow] Why did you make me do that?!
Ray: I didn't- I didn't make you do it! I was just trying to win an argument. I didn't think you would actually try it.
Debra: [resumes hitting Ray] I cannot believe her! She's unbelievable! Your mother is unbelievable!

Quote from Robert

Debra: Oh, good. You guys were there. Was that the most humiliating thing you have ever seen?
Robert: Brutal, Raymond.
Frank: I felt bad for you, sweetheart. Had trouble finishing my lunch.
Ray: What happened? After she said no, what did you do?
Debra: Just sat there like an idiot.
Robert: Us, too.
Debra: Marie just went about her business as if nothing had happened.
Robert: I know how you feel, Deb. That's just how she is. Only certain people are allowed in the pantheon of affection: the Pope, Frank Sinatra, Placido Domingo, and Raymond. You just gotta let it go. That's all. You gotta let it go!
Ray: Yeah. Like he did.
Robert: I know what. Maybe I'll start calling her "Marie." Bet she wouldn't even notice. "Hello, Marie." "Hello, Robbie. Have you seen Placido Domingo? Or Raymond?"

Quote from Frank

Ray: Come on, Deb, huh? Don't feel sad.
Debra: Thanks for telling me how to feel, Ray. I've got a headache. I'm gonna go lie down. [goes upstairs]
Ray: What should I do? Should I go up there?
Robert: What would you say to her?
Ray: I don't know. What do you think?
Frank: That you should never go up there.
Ray: Should I talk to Mom?
Frank: [chuckles]
Robert: What are you gonna say to her?
Frank: Listen to me. This is about feelings. You know anything about feelings? Of course you don't. None of us do. So just sit down, shut up, loosen your pants. What more can we do?

Quote from Robert

Marie: Are you all right?
Debra: Just a little headache. It comes and goes. Really coming on now.
Marie: Wait, wait. Sit down. Let me get you some aspirin. I have three different kinds.
Robert: Sometimes I get those headaches when I come over, too, Deb. Which kind is it dull, pounding, or axe to the back of the skull?

Quote from Marie

Marie: So, you and Lois are getting along.
Ray: Well, yes. She's all right, I guess.
Marie: You two seem to be very familiar.
Ray: Oh, you mean the "Mom" thing? Remember I called her that at Thanksgiving the one time? I don't know, I guess she likes it, so throw her a bone.
Marie: I think it's wonderful that you're still doing it.
Ray: Yeah?
Marie: Of course. I'm very happy for you. You have two moms now. This new one and the one God gave you. [exits]
Ray: Gotta get that bell.

Quote from Lois

Debra: Yeah. I'm going to start calling Marie "Mom." Isn't that nice?
Lois: Oh? That is nice.
Debra: You know, like you and Raymond.
Lois: Mmm-hmm.
Debra: What's wrong? Is something the matter?
Lois: No, no, no, no, nothing. It just sounded a little strange hearing you call her "Mom"... because I'm your mom.
Marie: Well. Well, I'm Raymond's mom, and I don't have a problem with this.
Lois: I'm sorry. I can't explain it, but just hearing Debra saying that, it just feels wrong.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Oh, really? Well, maybe I should be off living some swinging single's life that's inappropriate for my age.
Lois: Swinging?
Marie: That's right, party girl.

Quote from Ray

Lois: Look, Ray. I bought the doughnut holes you like. Don't show Debra.
Ray: Ah, chocolate! Thanks, Mom.
Lois: Hello, Marie.
Ray: Hi! Hey! Hi! Whoa! Didn't hear you. Gonna tie a bell around your neck.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, come on. It's not like you call my mom "Mom."
Debra: [scoffs] Yeah.
Ray: No, wait, wait. What are you scoffing at that for? Why don't you call my mom "Mom"?
Debra: What, are you kidding me?
Ray: Oh, yeah. See, huh? Yeah, it's easy to use the glue when you don't have to kill the horse yourself.
Debra: What?
Ray: No, no, I'm staying with that. That makes sense.

Quote from Marie

Debra: Oh, and I was also gonna borrow your big spoon if that's okay. I wanted to make goulash.
Marie: Oh, you're gonna try that again? Well, that's good, honey. Get right back on that horse.
Debra: Okay. Thanks. So, listen...
Marie: Oh, I almost forgot. I picked up a book for you.
Debra: "'A' is for Apron: A Beginner's Cook Book."
Marie: I saw that in the bookstore and I thought of you. Isn't that cute?
Debra: Yeah, that's just, uh, so typically thoughtful. I'm gonna go away now.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Hey, I tell you what. If it'll make you feel better, you can call me "Dad."
Debra: Thanks.
Frank: How about "Big Daddy"? I saw that in a movie once.
Robert: I don't get it, Deb. Why'd you want to call her "Mom" anyway?
Debra: I just thought it would be nice. Ray is calling my mom "Mom." But the difference is my mom is good and sweet and kind. Your mother, on the other hand, is...
Frank: Need some help?

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right, look, you were right, okay? Debra did go over there because she likes when I call her mother "Mom," and I told her she had to call you "Mom" because... I don't know. I just like to bother her. But, you know, she did something nice, Ma. And when you turned her down, you hurt her feelings.
Marie: How could I hurt her feelings if they're not real?
Ray: Look, I'm not pretending to understand any of this. But think about it. If her feelings got hurt, doesn't that mean they were real? I read somewhere that's like the test for feelings. Remember the Tin Man guy? "I know I got a heart because it's broken." And then everybody said, "Aw, poor Tin Man guy."


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