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‘Bully on the Bus’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Bully on the Bus

413. Bully on the Bus

Aired January 17, 2000

Debra learns that a boy is bullying Ally on the school bus.

Quote from Frank

Marie: We were just on our way to the market, and I- What's wrong?
Debra: Nothing, what do you mean?
Marie: I sense tension and anger.
Frank: Maybe you're picking up your own scent.

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Quote from Ray

Debra: She's a normal kid, Ray.
Ray: No, normal kids don't pick on other kids.
Debra: What are you talking about? You were a kid, you know. The bus, the playground, those are all tough places.
Ray: Well, it turns out they weren't so tough until she showed up.

Quote from Frank

Marie: [enters] Why are you still here, Frank? You said you were coming across the street to read the twins a bedtime story.
Frank: I did. And when Hansel and Gretel got away from the witch, I got inspired and stayed here.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I don't like to point a finger, but she's this way because of you.
Debra: Excuse me?
Ray: That's right, you heard me. You're the role model for her, not me. I'm not the woman here.
Debra: Oh no?
Ray: Ah, see, right there. That's what I'm talking about. That attitude. That smarty-pants, stick-up-for-yourself, don't-take-any-crap- from-anybody...
Debra: So you're accusing me of teaching my daughter to be self-confident?
Ray: That's right! Every jerk I ever met was self-confident.
Debra: Yeah, not every jerk.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'd ask how your day was but I just walked past 500 pounds of bad day on the couch.
Debra: Yeah. And your father was in our yard today with his metal detector.
Ray: Aw, you're kidding. Did he dig again?
Debra: Yep, four-foot hole. Found a nickel.
Ray: I should sprinkle a roll of quarters out there. He'll dig us a pool.

Quote from Frank

Frank: This really bunches my shorts.
Ray: What, you care?
Frank: Hey, we're talking about my granddaughter here. Of course I care.
Ray: Like you cared when we got bullied? "Stop crying, people are looking at us."
Robert: Yeah. "These aren't my kids." You never helped us.
Frank: Ally's a girl, Nancy.

Quote from Marie

Robert: Hey Ma, did you hear? Ally's being bullied.
Marie: What?
Ray: Yeah, some kid named Todd Feeney.
Marie: Feeney? Got it. I'll take care of it.
Debra: Wait, what do you mean? Wait, wait, wait. "Take care of it"?
Marie: I'll call his mother. Don't worry. I'm very good at this.

Quote from Debra

Debra: All right, wait. Listen, Ally will be fine. She's a very strong little girl.
Frank: No, she's not. She's got arms like twigs.
Debra: I didn't mean- Look, I appreciate that you all care about her. I do, but enough, really.
Ray: But what are we supposed to do, nothing?
Debra: Yes, Ray, nothing. How about we don't interfere and let her live her own life? Maybe we could set an example. [goes upstairs]
Marie: An example for who?

Quote from Ray

Ray: What else? What else happened?
Debra: Oh, some kid on Ally's bus has been picking on her. Do you want two pieces of chicken or-
Ray: Wait a minute. Somebody's picking on Ally?
Debra: It's nothing. Some kid calling her names.
Ray: Oh, no. Well, what kind of name does he call her?
Debra: It's nothing. Kid stuff.
Ray: Oh, kids are the worst.

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right. What bad thing rhymes with Ally? Pally? Crally? Schnally? Finale?
Debra: Yeah, Ray-
Ray: This is how bullies work, Debra. They find a word that rhymes with your name and then you're that until college. Trust me. I grew up with the name Raymond.
Debra: What rhymes with Raymond?
Ray: How about, Layman, Gayman, Go-away-man? [Debra walks away] I still don't see the humor.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Guess what Debra just told me.
Frank: To come in here and flap your gums when there's two minutes left in the game.
Ray: Some kid's been bullying Ally.
Robert: What are you talking about? Who? Who is it? Who's doing it?
Ray: I don't know. I don't know. Some older kid's picking on her, calling her names.
Robert: Oh, boy. Well, at least Ally's name doesn't rhyme with anything bathroom related. Unless... No, no, you're clear.

Quote from Frank

Robert: Deb, what's this about Ally being picked on?
Debra: She's fine. It's just some boy on her bus.
Robert: A boy?
Frank: All right. Let's get him.
Ray: Wait, what what do you mean?
Frank: We'll figure something out in the car. Let's roll.
Robert: Yeah, I can run a check to see if the family has any outstanding warrants.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: Can't we even run a check?
Debra: Listen, that's really nice, but you guys don't have to saddle up and form a posse.

Quote from Robert

Ray: Debra doesn't get it.
Debra: What? What don't I get?
Frank: What it's like to be picked on.
Robert: Oh, yeah, you were popular.
Ray: Yeah, we know what a big deal this is to Ally 'cause we went though it. Especially on the bus.
Robert: Oh, the bus. Wedgies, wet willies.
Frank: Who's Wet Willie?
Robert: They would wet their finger and stick it in your ear. It was chilly. [Frank attempts to do so] Hey, get away from that there! You're supposed to warn me when he's next to me.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey, Ally, waiting for the bus?
Ally: Yeah.
Ray: I didn't get a chance to say have a good day before, you know, with Mommy all around. So, I thought I'd come out here. So, have a good day, there.
Ally: Okay.
Ray: Hey, who is this? Todd Feeney?
Ally: No.
Ray: This Todd Feeney?
Ally: No.
Ray: Now that I'm all the way out here, why don't I wait for the bus with you?
Ally: Yeah.
Ray: Okay. Great, good. Waiting for the old school bus. I remember this. A long time ago, though. I remember waiting for the bus to be invented. [silence] That's how long ago that was. You know what else I remember as a kid? That not all the kids were nice.
Ally: Bye, Daddy.
Ray: Wait, Ally. I wanted to also tell you that- Okay, bye, Ally. Have fun. I love you.

Quote from Ray

Ray: [to boy playing a video game] So, another day, huh? Another day, right? Yeah, school sucks. Like math. Give me a break. When are you ever gonna use that? How 'bout never? Hey, do you know which kid is Todd Feeney? Hello. Look, how 'bout I give you a dollar if you tell me which one Todd is? [the boy points to a kid] Okay. Thank you. [to a girl] You had your chance, missy.
[Ray walks over to the boy]
Todd Feeney: Did you fail the sixth grade like a thousand times or something? [laughter]
Ray: No.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, well, thanks for letting me ride along. Kinda wish there had been some bullying so I could have put a stop to it.
Dottie: Oh, she would never do anything with you on the bus.
Ray: She? No, I'm talking about Todd Feeney.
Dottie: Todd Feeney? All he's ever done is defend his little sister Judy.
Ray: What?
Dottie: Ally's been picking on Judy Feeney.
Ray: Ally? My Ally? Ally Barone?
Dottie: Yeah.
Ray: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. This one? The little ballerina here?
Dottie: Yeah, yeah. They're all angels.
Ray: Are you sure that it's Ally making the trouble? 'Cause if you're looking in that mirror, everything's reversed.

Quote from Ray

Dottie: Judy Feeney wears these big thick glasses and your little Ally says she looks like an owl.
Ray: Okay, well...
Dottie: So she, uh, hoots at her. And she goes "Judy Hooty, she's got cooties."
Ray: Oh.
Dottie: The kids like to find a word that rhymes with someone's name. And when they do, they just never let up.
Ray: I know, I know.

Quote from Ray

Ray: The bus driver, take an interest. Anyway, she told me that Ally has been picking on this little girl with big glasses, calling her an owl. "Judy Hooty." Rhyming.
Debra: Huh.
Ray: That's your reaction to your daughter's a bully, huh?
Debra: No, it's not right and I'll talk to her.
Ray: That's it? You seem pretty laissez-faire about this.
Debra: Laissez-faire? She's just being a kid. That's what kids do, honey.
Ray: No, not all kids. Not me, not Robert, not little Judy Hooty, who's been accused of having cooties.
Debra: I think you're overreacting.
Ray: I don't think you know your daughter. Yeah, yeah, cute little face, blonde hair. That's her cover! Right, she seems harmless, okay, yeah. She's like the fish that disguises itself as a rock, you know, and then you swim by... blaugh!

Quote from Ray

Debra: Listen, I know the idea of being independent is very different than the way your mother raised you.
Ray: Hey, hey, hey, never mind what my mother did, okay? At least I didn't turn out pushy and mean like...
Debra: What? Me? You think I'm pushy and mean?
Ray: You want to push me right now, don't you?
Debra: Yeah, you'd probably tattle.
Ray: Boy, I'll tell you. Good thing we didn't know each other when we were little. I wouldn't have liked you.
Debra: I wouldn't have liked you either, okay?
Ray: Yeah, standing in your little groups at school making fun of the kid whose mom showed up with his snowpants.
Debra: [laughs] Snowpants!
Ray: There was a good chance of snow!

Quote from Ray

Ray: See, you're bringing Ally into the family business. Debra Barone's Ass Kicking Incorporated! Pushing people down since 1972!
Debra: Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's better than working at Ray's House of Wuss. You want her to be totally dependent on you.
Ray: No, I don't!
Debra: You rode her bus today!
Ray: Yeah, you taught her to be self-confident and now she's hanging kids out the bus window by their ankles.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Don't you have to go to work or someplace?
Ray: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you can forget about the kiss goodbye.
Debra: Oh no, what'll I do?
Ray: You'll miss it, baby!
Debra: Oh, yeah. Hey, Layman, Gayman, Go-away-man!
Ray: Bully! You bully!
Debra: Relax, relax.
Ray: Debra, Debra, lovely wife. Why am I stuck with you for life?
Debra: Sounds like you've had that one for a while.
Ray: Maybe, why, what? You want one off the top of my head?
Debra: Yeah.
Ray: Yeah? You're a stupid idiot stinker BM!

Quote from Frank

Ray: Ally's the one that's been bullying the kids on the bus.
Marie: Oh, my.
Frank: Oh, yeah? Good for her! What did she do?
Ray: Never mind, and it's not good. [Ally enters]
Frank: Hey, there you are! Hey, tiger!
Debra: All right, all right, Frank, Frank. Honey, I need you to come over here and sit down for a minute.
Frank: "Ally bomaye! Ally bomaye!"

Quote from Frank

Ray: Ally, Dottie told me that you've been making fun of Judy Feeney.
Ally: Why were you on my bus today?
Ray: Because Daddy loves you very much.
Frank: Yech!
Ally: All the kids were making fun of me on the ride home.
Marie: Which ones? Give me their names.
Frank: Look what you did.
Ray: They were making fun of you?
Ally: Yes, they kept saying "Baby Ally and her dorky daddy."
Frank: [chuckles] You're dorky Daddy.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Honey, I'm sorry. Look I was just trying- I didn't know-
Ally: Do I have to ride on the bus tomorrow?
Debra: Look, sweetie, in a couple of days those kids will forget about it and they'll move on to something else.
Ally: I'm gonna make up a mean song about Judy!
Marie: Oh honey, we don't sing mean songs.
Debra: All right, Marie, please. Ally, I know I told you to stick up for yourself-
Ray: But, but-
Ally: Yeah, so, I'm gonna make fun of Judy Hooty and then all the other kids will laugh at her. [runs upstairs]
Frank: You're doing a good job with her.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, honey, you see you saw today that it's not fun to get picked on, right? And, um, you know, there are a lot of bad kids out there and you should stop being one.
Debra: Don't say that.
Ray: What?
Debra: You just said she was a bad kid.
Ray: I did not.
Debra: Yes, you did. You just said-
Ray: All right, fine! There are a lot of great kids out there, and you should try to be like them.
Debra: All right, Ray, stop.
Debra: What Daddy's trying to say-
Ray: You don't have to interpret for me. What Mommy is trying to say...
Debra: Ray!
Ray: See? You don't like it. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Ally? There's a kind of fish that looks like a rock...

Quote from Ray

Ally: Do you think I'm bad?
Debra: No!
Ray: No, no! We're bad. We're the bad ones.
Debra: No, no, no! Nobody's bad, Ray! You don't say that!
Ray: I'm saying she's not bad!
Debra: If you'd read a book once in a while you'd know how to talk to her!
Ray: Read a book, yeah.I make a living , that's why I don't read a book.
Debra: All right, enough.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Sweetie, what you did to Judy was bad. Now Daddy and I... See, the thing is...
Ally: You want me to be nice?
Ray: Well, no-
Debra: Yes, yes! We want you to be nice.
Ray: Yes, great. Yes, nice!
Ally: Okay.
Debra: Okay!
Ray: Okay, good.

Quote from Ray

Debra: Hey, nice, see that? Came up with that all by herself, hmm?
Ray: Well, not really.
Debra: What? What, she just came up with it.
Ray: Aw, come on. Be nice, that's my whole thing.
Debra: Idiot.
Ray: See? Oh, I feel sorry for you.

Quote from Ray

Robert: Here's one you can use. "Debra Debra, real good looking, never want to try her cooking."
Ray: That's a good one!
Robert: Yeah, yeah.
Ray: Is that yours?
Robert: I made it up right now.
Debra: [enters] Hey, what are you guys doing?
Ray: Hi, nothing. How are you?
Debra: Good. [exits]
Ray: [to Robert] Let's do one about her butt.


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