Debra: Will you please stop? It turns out Ally doesn't want to know how we get here, she wants to know why we're here, why God put us on Earth. And she's waiting for Ray to answer her.
Frank: What's wrong with you? It's simple.
Ray: Oh, okay. Yeah. We're gonna learn the meaning of life from a guy who once threw his shoe at a swan.
Frank: That's called protecting your sandwich. Listen to me. Here's what life is: you're born, you go to school, you go to work, you die. That's it. That's all. Cannoli, Marie!

Ray: What, you want me to have the sex talk with her?
Debra: Yeah, right.
Ray: What, you don't think I can do it? I'll have the sex talk with her.
Debra: You know what, Ray? You can be there, and I'll explain it to the both of you.

Robert: You ever think about space? What is it? Is it really endless? I mean, if you had a spaceship, could you go flying and flying forever?
Frank: Why don't you give it a shot?
Robert: No! I'm not kidding around here. How can space go on forever, and if it doesn't, then what's at the end, huh?
Marie: Stop it, Robbie, you'll give yourself a tummy ache.
Robert: What about the beginning of time? What was there before that, before time? Nothing? I mean, what is nothing? How could there be nothing? This doesn't bother anybody else?!

Frank: Hey, Marie, while you're holding that Bible, I've got a question for you. Did you eat the two missing cannolis?
Marie: Frank, I'm not gonna let you use the Bible like that.
Frank: Answer me, yes or no?
Marie: This is ridiculous! [puts down the bible] No, I didn't eat those two cannolis.
Frank: Did you see what she did? Pick it up and tell us what happened to those cannolis!
Marie: Oh, shut up!
Frank: Thou shalt not eat the cannoli!

Ray: Okay, you really want to know why God wants us here first. That's a good question. You see, God is up in Heaven, and... Well, honey it's very crowded up there.
Ally: It is?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah. And you don't want to be in Heaven if it's crowded, right? Remember when we went to Disney World, how crowded that was? I mean, it was fun, but it was too crowded. So God, he sends us down to Earth for a little while to ease the Heavenly congestion.
Ally: What?
Ray: [sneezes] Here we go again! [sneezes] I don't want to- [sneezes] I don't want you to catch this. [sneezes] I'll be back in a minute. [sneezes]

Debra: Ally started asking about where babies come from, and Ray was going to talk to her about it-
Marie: Wait, you were gonna talk to a child about s-e-x?
Debra: Marie, if she's asking questions, we have to answer her.
Marie: No, you don't. My boys had all sorts of questions, but I had Frank wait until they were teenagers to talk to them.
Robert: Nobody talked to me.
Ray: Yeah, what? Me neither.
Marie: Frank, you told me you'd talk to them.
Frank: Why? What did they need to hear? No one needs to tell a bee where to go to get the honey. Am I right, Ray?

Robert: Do you know the fruit fly only lives one day?
Ray: Huh? What? Are you okay there?
Robert: One day. What's his meaning of life, huh? Maybe there's no meaning of life for any one of us. I mean, really, am I any different than the fruit fly?
Frank: The fruit part's the same.
Debra: Robert, the fruit fly doesn't question why he's here. That's what makes us different. I mean, maybe that's kind of the meaning of life never knowing the answer, but always wondering.
Ray: So God made us smart enough to know there's an answer, but not smart enough to figure it out?
Robert: Come on!

Robert: Never mind the cannolis, Ma. Take this Bible and tell me you don't spend more money on Raymond's Christmas gifts than mine!
Marie: That's ridiculous!
Robert: Fifth grade bike, slippers. Tell the truth!
Marie: Those slippers were very expensive.
Robert: Take the book!

Ray: Hey, blubberhead.
Debra: Hi, honey. Don't fill up on too much junk food 'cause I'm cooking us dinner. [goes into the kitchen]
Bernie: You call her blubberhead and get a kiss?
Ray: Yeah. I could call her anything, really, as long as I give it that spin to it. "Hey, blubberhead."
Robert: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You couldn't just call her anything.
Ray: Yeah, yeah. No, I could. She just hears the cute tone. She doesn't really hear the word.

Ray: What? What's this?
Debra: It's a book I was reading about this.
Ray: Really? A book?
Debra: Uh, yeah. You have to prepare. You can't just go in there and do a puppet show.
Ray: All right. Yeah. Yeah, this all looks familiar. Although it's been a while. Hey, how do you pronounce that again?
Debra: Fallopian.
Ray: Not "fall-ah-pian"? Right, right. Fallopian, yeah.