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‘Wallpaper’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Wallpaper

503. Wallpaper

Aired October 9, 2000

Frank and Marie find a new way to barge into Ray and Debra's house.

Quote from Frank

Frank: I'll have the brakes checked when I get the taillight fixed.
Debra: The taillight?! Frank! Look at the house.
Frank: I saw it. Look at this. This drywall, it's like paper. Probably foreign-made. On the other hand, say what you want about American cars... Beats a house.

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Quote from Frank

Debra: Robert, what do we do?
Robert: I'll fill out a report. You should call your insurance companies.
Frank: Oh, here we go. Why the hell did I let you drive?
Marie: Because you can't see anymore.
Frank: I can see a house!

Quote from Debra

Debra: Tell your father we're doing this the right way.
Frank: Hey, me not having to pay anything is the right way. Oh, holy crap! Look at this scratch!
Debra: Okay, see, here's the thing: When a person drives their car into someone's home, I think that person should be sympathetic and apologetic and try to help the person whose home has been demolished try to make it better!
Frank: Hey, I'm trying, but you won't listen.
Debra: I won't listen?!
Marie: I must say, Debra, that tone doesn't help the situation.
Debra: My tone?! My tone! You just drove a car into my house!

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hi. Is this about me?
Frank: Don't come to my funeral!
Robert: But there are so few things I'm looking forward to.

Quote from Frank

Debra: Frank, you're gonna pay for this, that's all there is to it.
Frank: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Debra: No, Frank, you're paying the deductible. That's how it's gonna be.
Frank: Oh, really?
Debra: [to Ray] Why are you just standing there?
Ray: What am I supposed to do?
Debra: Oh, all right, thanks. Frank, I want a check for $1,000 by tomorrow.
Frank: Don't hold your breath.
Debra: Frank, I'm not kidding.
Frank: Fine! Fine! I'll pay the damn deductible! Apparently, all you people care about is money! I'll see you at home, Marie. [Frank drives off]
Marie: Wait, Frank, wait! I need to go to the supermarket!

Quote from Ray

Debra: Oh, I just loved it so much there. Everybody got along so well. I just wish we could hold onto that feeling of just enjoying every day.
Ray: How about we go upstairs and enjoy the rest of today?
Debra: Okay. You hear that?
[A car crashes through the wall and comes to a stop in the living room. Frank gets out of the passenger's side door and looks around. Marie then gets out of the driver's side door]
Ray: Hey.

Quote from Ray

Ray: This wallpaper's incorrect.
Debra: All right, look. Stand three feet back, you can hardly tell.
Ray: But maybe I don't want to stand three feet back. Maybe I want to stand right here and look at my wallpaper. You know? I mean, look, here's wallpaper, and here is different wallpaper! What world am I in?!
Debra: God, Ray! Calm down.
Ray: I will not calm down. We live in a funhouse here. Cars are comin' in and wild dogs wandering around and crazy wallpaper!

Quote from Ray

Robert: [chuckles] What? They drive into the house?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah.
Ally: What happened?
Ray: Grandma and Grandpa stopped by.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Hey! Hey, dog! Get out of here, dog! Go away!
Ally: Oh, look at him! Look at him! Can we keep him?
Ray: No, sweetie, no.
Ally: We never get anything!
Ray: Ally we can't keep a dog. [points to the hole in the wall] He'll just run away.

Quote from Frank

Debra: You'll just have to pay the deductible.
Frank: $1,000? Stinkin' crooks. All right, here's what you do. You get your contractor to add an extra grand to the bill. Then when your insurance company cuts you your check, I get it back.
Robert: All right, Dad, look, I don't want to hear this.
Frank: Hey, Dudley Do-Right, wake up! This is the way the world works. It's built into the insurance system.
Robert: Oh, yeah? Well, it's also built into the criminal justice system. Category: Fraud.
Frank: Nerd!
Robert: Nerd?
Frank: Nerd!
Robert: Calling me a nerd? You drive into the house and now I'm a nerd?

Quote from Ray

Frank: What are you talking about? I'm not going to pay anything. The wallpaper's fine.
Ray: I want it the same! Do you hear me?! Exactly! Exactly the same! And I mean exactly the same! You can only push a man so far!
Debra: Hey, it's not that big of a deal. Calm down.
Ray: Traitor! You can never talk to me about my parents again, because in this case, you are the backer-downer!
Marie: This wallpaper looks just like the other wallpaper.
Ray: But it's not, Mom. It's not, okay? Here, come on, let's see. Come over here and look. See? Over here? Over here, thick, normal stripes. Now look over here. Thin, weird, disgusting stripes, okay? All right. I'm not gonna live like this. So, I think you and your husband should listen very carefully, all right? You are going to have to pay the difference. You understand?
Frank: Suck rope, pal.

Quote from Ray

Debra: So, hey, you know what? Let's use this event as an opportunity for all of us to learn how to how to talk things out. You know, so we don't let our feelings get bottled up inside to the point where they explode.
Marie: You're absolutely right. Frank, you're driving everybody crazy.
Ray: It's you too.
Marie: What? What did I ever do?
Ray: You're intrusive.
Debra: Interesting.
Marie: How am I intrusive?
Ray: Well, for example, there was that time you drove a car through the wall.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, so it's not always the car, but but it's always you. You just you never stop. You're always barging in here.
Marie: I do not barge in.
Ray: You do! You do, you barge in here.
Debra: Ray, wait, let's try to use nice words.
Ray: You're always coming over. Sticking your-
Debra: Nice!
Ray: And staying a long time.
Marie: Well, why don't you just say something?
Ray: I want to say something. But sometimes, I get the feeling that you don't listen. And then you do something like rear-end our couch. And I want to say something then too, but I know that you're not gonna listen. And Dad is not gonna wanna pay. And I know Debra's gonna get mad at me because I didn't say anything. But you have to know that I'm always this close to saying something. This close. And there it is. So that's what happened today.

Quote from Robert

Robert: I told the kids to leave the back door open so you get that nice cross-ventilation going.

Quote from Frank

Ray: That's it, get outta the house.
Marie: Raymond!
Ray: I said get out. Get out. Here, the both of you. Take your damn cannolis with you.
Marie: Oh, Raymond!
Ray: Out! Out!
Frank: This is how you talk to a father? And her?

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