Frank: I'll have the brakes checked when I get the taillight fixed.
Debra: The taillight?! Frank! Look at the house.
Frank: I saw it. Look at this. This drywall, it's like paper. Probably foreign-made. On the other hand, say what you want about American cars... Beats a house.

Debra: Robert, what do we do?
Robert: I'll fill out a report. You should call your insurance companies.
Frank: Oh, here we go. Why the hell did I let you drive?
Marie: Because you can't see anymore.
Frank: I can see a house!

Debra: Tell your father we're doing this the right way.
Frank: Hey, me not having to pay anything is the right way. Oh, holy crap! Look at this scratch!
Debra: Okay, see, here's the thing: When a person drives their car into someone's home, I think that person should be sympathetic and apologetic and try to help the person whose home has been demolished try to make it better!
Frank: Hey, I'm trying, but you won't listen.
Debra: I won't listen?!
Marie: I must say, Debra, that tone doesn't help the situation.
Debra: My tone?! My tone! You just drove a car into my house!

Robert: Hi. Is this about me?
Frank: Don't come to my funeral!
Robert: But there are so few things I'm looking forward to.

Debra: Frank, you're gonna pay for this, that's all there is to it.
Frank: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Debra: No, Frank, you're paying the deductible. That's how it's gonna be.
Frank: Oh, really?
Debra: [to Ray] Why are you just standing there?
Ray: What am I supposed to do?
Debra: Oh, all right, thanks. Frank, I want a check for $1,000 by tomorrow.
Frank: Don't hold your breath.
Debra: Frank, I'm not kidding.
Frank: Fine! Fine! I'll pay the damn deductible! Apparently, all you people care about is money! I'll see you at home, Marie. [Frank drives off]
Marie: Wait, Frank, wait! I need to go to the supermarket!

Debra: Oh, I just loved it so much there. Everybody got along so well. I just wish we could hold onto that feeling of just enjoying every day.
Ray: How about we go upstairs and enjoy the rest of today?
Debra: Okay. You hear that?
[A car crashes through the wall and comes to a stop in the living room. Frank gets out of the passenger's side door and looks around. Marie then gets out of the driver's side door]
Ray: Hey.

Ray: This wallpaper's incorrect.
Debra: All right, look. Stand three feet back, you can hardly tell.
Ray: But maybe I don't want to stand three feet back. Maybe I want to stand right here and look at my wallpaper. You know? I mean, look, here's wallpaper, and here is different wallpaper! What world am I in?!
Debra: God, Ray! Calm down.
Ray: I will not calm down. We live in a funhouse here. Cars are comin' in and wild dogs wandering around and crazy wallpaper!

Robert: [chuckles] What? They drive into the house?
Ray: Yeah. Yeah.
Ally: What happened?
Ray: Grandma and Grandpa stopped by.

Ray: Hey! Hey, dog! Get out of here, dog! Go away!
Ally: Oh, look at him! Look at him! Can we keep him?
Ray: No, sweetie, no.
Ally: We never get anything!
Ray: Ally we can't keep a dog. [points to the hole in the wall] He'll just run away.

Debra: You'll just have to pay the deductible.
Frank: $1,000? Stinkin' crooks. All right, here's what you do. You get your contractor to add an extra grand to the bill. Then when your insurance company cuts you your check, I get it back.
Robert: All right, Dad, look, I don't want to hear this.
Frank: Hey, Dudley Do-Right, wake up! This is the way the world works. It's built into the insurance system.
Robert: Oh, yeah? Well, it's also built into the criminal justice system. Category: Fraud.
Frank: Nerd!
Robert: Nerd?
Frank: Nerd!
Robert: Calling me a nerd? You drive into the house and now I'm a nerd?