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‘Marie's Sculpture’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Marie's Sculpture

605. Marie's Sculpture

Aired October 22, 2001

Everyone is surprised by the sculpture Marie makes in art class.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Raymond, do you see what they see?
Ray: Um... I don't know.
Marie: No, tell me the truth.
Ray: Well... Maybe if I squint a little.
Marie: Oh, my God, I'm a lesbian!

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Quote from Marie

Sister Ann: Mrs. Barone, hello. Is that the sculpture you intended to contribute to the church auction?
Marie: Yes.
Sister Ann: Well, don't you think the subject matter is... Might be inappropriate?
Marie: Subject matter? What do you mean?
Sister Ann: Forgive me, but is that not a sculpture of... [whispers to Marie]
Marie: What?! What's wrong with you?
Sister Ann: It's just that it may not be right for the church-
Marie: Are you crazy?!

Quote from Frank

Frank: You know how you can tell it's good art? Because it follows you when you move.

Quote from Frank

[As Frank stares at Marie's sculpture in the empty exhibit hall:]
Janitor: If you ask me, it looks like a... [whispers]
Frank: ... Holy crap!

Quote from Debra

Debra: The Parkers' basement is flooded.
Ray: That's funny. I hate that Parker.
Debra: No, that's not funny, Ray. Their whole house is flooded. That means no play date.
Ray: Oh. So why can't the kids just come over here?
Debra: I don't know, Ray. Do we really want to have all the neighborhood kids come over here and learn about the birds and the gigantic bees?
Ray: I thought it was a sailboat.
Debra: Frank, what are you doing? He's been standing there for an hour. Would you stop staring at that? You're freakin' me out!
Ray: Why? It's just a sailboat.
Debra: That's no sailboat!

Quote from Ray

Ray: Oh, my God! You have to say something!
Debra: Why me?
Ray: Because this is a woman's issue.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Raymond? You're covering my sculpture with a garbage bag?
Ray: Well, uh, well...
Debra: We didn't want it to get dirty. You know how dusty I let this house get.
Marie: I know, dear, but that's all right. I gave it to you to enjoy. A little dust can't hurt it.

Quote from Marie

Ray: Hey... there. So what? You- You made a thing.
Marie: It's not that, Raymond. I'm not a prude. The female body is a beautiful thing-
Ray: Okay, okay. Okay. So what is it? What's bothering you?
Marie: Well, it's supposed to be an abstract. The teacher told us that we could make any kind of a statue we wanted. And so I chose an abstract because I thought it was easy. Turns out I can't even do that.
Ray: Debra thinks it looks like a sailboat.
Marie: There's something wrong with her.

Quote from Ray

Marie: I just tried to do something different find something new, that's all. Something more than just being a short order cook for your father.
Ray: You wanted to find something new about yourself?
Marie: Mm-hmm.
Ray: Well, nobody expected this. Ta-da!
Marie: All right, Raymond.
Ray: No, come on, Ma, you made something here.
Marie: It was an accident.
Ray: Hey, so was penicillin. And Robert.

Quote from Robert

Debra: Well, Marie, your piece was the hit of the show!
Marie: Thank you, dear.
Ray: Congratulations, yeah. You didn't have to dedicate it to me.
Marie: Who else?
Robert: "Who else?"

Quote from Frank

Frank: How are you two? Yeah? Super.
Ray: Help yourself, Dad.
Frank: Your mother's never at home anymore. She hasn't cooked for me in a month.
Debra: She's really loving that sculpture class, isn't she?
Frank: Yeah, thanks for talking her into that. I just ate a fistful of bullion cubes.
Debra: Hey, did you know that Marie's teacher said that she has real talent?
Ray: Really? The teacher that she pays?
Debra: Never mind. Look, she's meeting new people. I think that's good for her.
Frank: Have you talked to them?

Quote from Ray

Ray: Can I talk to you? Come over here a second. Did you look at the sculpture?
Debra: Yeah. It's great. What?
Ray: Yeah, well... What does it look like?
Debra: I don't know. It doesn't look like anything.
Ray: Oh, it definitely looks like something.
Debra: What?
Ray: Don't you think it looks a little like a...
Debra: What?
Ray: Isn't it a bit too ladylike?
Debra: [gasps] [scoffs] Great!
Ray: You see?
Debra: Oh, now I do, thank you.

Quote from Ray

Marie: Raymond, what do you think?
Ray: What? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Marie: Uh-huh?
Debra: Yeah, it it's wonderful, Marie, really.
Robert: So, Ma, what is it?
Marie: It's an abstract.
Ray: [to Debra] Not abstract enough.

Quote from Ray

Debra: You've done an amazing job.
Robert: It looks like something, though. What does it look like?
Marie: I don't think Raymond likes it.
Ray: What?
Marie: You're hardly looking at it.
Ray: Well, I'm lookin' at it.
Marie: You can get close. You can even touch it.
Ray: I'm fine!

Quote from Robert

Robert: This is bugging me. Where have I seen this before? [Ray whispers in Robert's ear]
Marie: You know, the Greeks used to say that the shape is in the stone just waiting to come out.
Robert: What? Oh, my God!
Marie: What, Robbie?
Robert: Huh? No... It's nothing. It's fabulous! Abstract! Very...

Quote from Ray

Debra: You know maybe well, from this angle, it looks kind of like a... Like a... A sailboat. Yes, I see a sailboat.
Ray: A sailboat that could use a pair of underwear!
Debra: Okay, listen. Your mother gave this to us, and if we have to live with it, it's gonna be a sailboat.
Ray: Whoa, whoa. I'm not living with it. I can't live with it!
Debra: You can't tell her that. Now, this may make you uncomfortable, but we have got to support her.
Ray: Oh, great, yes, we'll support her. Meantime, there's gonna be a cover charge to get in our living room.

Quote from Robert

Robert: I've been thinking about it, and I'm wondering, where's my sculpture?
Ray: What are you talking about? You want one of these?
Robert: You mean, a sign of affection from my mother? I don't know. What's that like?
Ray: This is a sign of affection?
Robert: In its own disturbing way, yes.
Ray: You're sick.
Robert: You're sick.
Ray: You're sick. You.
Robert: I loathe you.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Oh, no, no, no. You're not going anywhere.
Ray: Why? Why not?
Debra: Because I can't take one more day being stuck here with that. And the kids and their questions. "Why did Grandma make that?" "What is it?" "Why is it so big?" I can't take it anymore. I am seeing it in my sleep. I see it, and I know it's your mother's, and we have to get rid of it.

Quote from Ray

Debra: But I was just thinking... Just now... Um, it's so precious. I mean, what if one of the kids breaks it?
Ray: Yeah, that would be bad.
Marie: Well, if you're worried about that, we could move it. Oh, it could go in your bedroom.
Debra: No!
Ray: No, no, no!
Debra: No. No, no. We we don't really like art in the bedroom.
Ray: Too highfalutin'. We're simple folk.

Quote from Ray

Sister Beth: Okay, let's load it up.
Ray: Okay, all right. Take it away. Enjoy it. The sheet comes with it. You get that for free. No lie. [chuckles] You know what, the sheet should stay on it all the time. It's kind of part of the sculpture. [Sister Ann removes the sheet] No, no.
[After seeing the sculpture, the nuns both turn and look at Ray, before gazing back at the statue]
Sister Ann: Oh, my.
Sister Beth: Well...
Ray: Pretty abstract, huh? Okay, all right, all right. Let's load this puppy up.

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