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‘Cookies’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: Cookies

615. Cookies

Aired January 28, 2002

Ray doesn't like Ally's girl scout troop leader, Peggy (guest star Amy Aquino), after she gives him a bad spot to sell cookies.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I had Lickety-Split, but she forced me to trade it for Peetie's muffler place. And then she gets Marco's, the best spot!
Debra: How did she force you?
Ray: How? She ripped it out of my hand... I'm lucky I have a hand still. Let me tell you something, this lady doesn't know who she's dealing with, okay? I'm gonna take this cookie sign-up sheet to work. I'll hang it up at Madison Square Garden. Yeah. [chuckles] Little Miss Peggy won't know what hit her. I'll be bringing home that sweet, sweet beach chair.
Debra: Ray, Ally should sell her own cookies. That's how we've always done it in the past.
Ray: Yeah, and that's why every time we go to the beach we gotta sit in the freakin' sand, okay? No, uh-uh. No more. No more, baby. Let Peggy clean the sand outta her behind!

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Quote from Robert

Ray: Ally's hair is fine! Even if she looked like an iguana, you should have bought cookie from her instead of a stranger. A stranger who happens to be my arch-enemy.
Robert: Oh, you have an arch-enemy. What are you, a superhero now?
Frank: "Captain Big Nose."
Robert: "I'm gonna blow you away!"

Quote from Ray

Ray: Listen, lady. When you came out to my street and sold to my family, you crossed a line!
Peggy: Your family happens to live in my neighborhood, so yeah, I sold to them. And you know what? I enjoyed it.
Ray: You are despicable!
Peggy: They were good customers. Peanut Clouds, Cinnamon Swirls-
Ray: All right!
Peggy: Ding-a-longs, Chocolate Waves-
Ray: Stop it.
Peggy: They were loving it. You should have seen the looks on their faces. Especially the giant and the bald one.
Ray: Yeah, well, you didn't even scratch the surface, okay? You have no idea what those two are capable of putting away.

Quote from Debra

Marie: You had this problem your whole life, ever since you could talk.
Ray: What? What was the problem?
Marie: You didn't want to talk.
Frank: To you. He didn't want to talk to you.
Marie: Exactly. He doesn't understand women, because women need to talk things out, and you've never wanted to do that.
Debra: She's right.
Ray: Oh, here we go.
Debra: No, you don't want a woman who talks or needs anything or wants anything. And the moment a woman expresses herself, she belongs in the henhouse.
Frank: Amen.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I was the only guy in that henhouse. Really. Really, I shouldn't have to do that.
Debra: What, spend time with your daughter?
Ray: Oh, don't put your twist on it, okay? And what's with that troop leader?
Debra: Peggy? She's all right.
Ray: Oh, I should have known. You're best friends.
Debra: I hardly know her, but I appreciate all the organization she does. She's a great troop leader.
Ray: Yeah, so was Hitler. Similar uniform, too.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I like women.
Marie: Don't lie, Raymond.
Ray: What are you talking about?
Marie: Well, I always felt you had a problem with women.
Ray: A problem with women, like who?
Marie: Well, me, for instance.
Ray: What?! You're my mother, you're not a woman.
Robert: Dr. Freud on line one for you, Raymond.

Quote from Ray

Ray: You know, I'm glad you're buying these cookies. Debra wouldn't let me take Ally's sign-up sheet to work. We could have been the cookie champions of the world.
Frank: We didn't buy these from Ally.
Ray: What do you mean?
Marie: Well, a lady and her daughter just came to our door.
Ray: What lady?
Marie: I don't know. A very nice lady. I think her name was, uh... Peggy.
Ray: [spits our mouthful of cookie] Peggy?!
Robert: "Let Raymond have some cookies."

Quote from Debra

Peggy: All right, are you gonna get off my spot?
Ray: Never!
Debra: Hey, what are you doing?!
Ray: I got it under control, Deb.
Peggy: He took my spot.
Debra: I don't care what he did.
[Debra throws down her handbag, lifts the table off Ray, and approaches Peggy]
Debra: Nobody beats up my husband.
Ray: She didn't beat me up.
Debra: You got a problem, you take it up with me.
Ray: I can handle this, Deb.
Debra: You know what I think, Peggy? You are a bully. I don't like bullies. You come near my husband again, you're gonna have a real problem.

Quote from Ray

Peggy: All right. Where was I? Okay. I was about to remind you of the most important rule of sales. It's "A-B-C" "Always be closing." Girls?
Girls: [unenthusiastically] "Always be closing."
Peggy: Do you want to sell cookies? Again.
Girls: Always be closing!
Peggy: Very good. Okay. Now this year's prizes. Top seller on the board gets this beautiful beach chair and umbrella set. Second prize is a uniform patch. And the third prize...
Ray: You're out of the troop. I'm kidding, it's not true. I'm just, you know, I was just joking. I'm sorry.
Peggy: The third prize is this sheet of wildlife stickers.
Ray: Ooh! That's no- I like that, That's got monkeys on it, right? Yeah. I like monkeys.
Peggy: Okay, girls, it's time to go with Mrs. Manning. She's going to teach you how to make a pinhole camera out of an orange juice container. Everybody brought their orange juice containers?
[All the girls raise their hands except Ally, who stares at Ray]
Ray: You know what, Ally? I got a real camera in the car. Great pictures, no pulp.

Quote from Frank

Robert: I liked that Peg and her little girl. Cute as a button. Didn't say a word, but simply precious.
Marie: She was darling.
Ray: More darling than your granddaughter?
Marie: Of course not! We love Ally. Ally is delightful. You are gonna do something about her teeth though, aren't you?
Ray: Her teeth?!
Marie: We've always felt bad that we didn't have yours fixed.
Frank: Maybe you did. I used the 400 bucks to buy a belt sander.
Ray: Wait a minute. What's wrong with my teeth?
Frank: Have you ever looked in your mouth? It's like a prison riot.

Quote from Marie

Marie: And that little girl's hair, with those lovely braids.
Robert: Yeah, yeah, like Heidi in the mountains.
Ray: Ally has nice hair.
Marie: [scoffs] "Ally's hair".
Ray: What?!
Marie: She's got beautiful hair, but someone has to groom it properly. How many times have I offered to take her to my beauty salon?
Ray: So she can have this look?

Quote from Frank

Ray: Ah, look at this. You see this? You happy now?
Debra: Oh, where'd these come from?
Ray: Not from us!
Marie: Don't worry, Raymond. We'll buy a box from Ally, too.
Ray: A box? One box?
Frank: No. No more cookies. We're not the Rockefellers.
Marie: One box for me. I'll get the apple cinnamon because it's low-fat.
Frank: Not after you butter 'em.

Quote from Frank

Ray: You know who they got these from? Your friend Peggy Hitler.
Robert: You have a friend named Hitler?
Debra: She's not my friend.
Robert: But her last name is Hitler?
Debra: She's not a Hitler.
Ray: She invaded our territory.
Marie: See, now I feel bad for Ally. We'll buy more than one box from her.
Frank: No, we're not! Braid her hair, fix her teeth, and come back next year!

Quote from Debra

Debra: Okay, you know, everybody, don't worry. You don't have to buy any more cookies, all the money goes to the same troop.
Ray: That's not the point! This woman poached our own family!
Debra: What is it with you and "this woman"?!
Ray: I don't like her.
Debra: And why don't you like her?
Ray: What do you mean? She's pushy and annoying and... And...
Debra: And she's a woman?
Ray: What?! I never said that.
Debra: Oh, come on, Ray. You wouldn't act like this if a man did this.
Ray: A man wouldn't do this.
Debra: Okay. Did you hear that? You don't like women.
Frank: Who likes women?

Quote from Ray

Debra: You should hear how he talks about this Peggy.
Robert: Calls her Hitler.
Ray: Oh, will you stop it?
Robert: I don't have to stop. I have no problem with women.
Ray: You have no women.

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