Previous Episode Next Episode 

‘All I Want For Christmas’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: All I Want For Christmas

212. All I Want For Christmas

Aired December 15, 1997

After Ray tries to get Debra "in the mood", he is surprised when she wants to spend time together on Christmas day.

Quote from Ray

Ray: Not the flannel pajamas.
Debra: What?
Ray: What the- When you come to bed wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance, but flannel pajamas. You might as well be wearing a porcupine suit.

Rate

Quote from Ray

Debra: You just look kind of sexy.
Ray: What?
Debra: You know, with the sweeper, and...
Ray: Sweeper? That's what does it for you?
Debra: No, but just watching you play with the kids this morning and then wearing these silly boxers that they gave you. I don't know, just the fact that you're my husband, you take care of us and the whole picture. Sweeping just put it over the top. [they kiss]
Ray: What are you doing to me here? What? You're killing me!
Debra: I wanted to let you know how I was feeling.
Ray: Well, you can't kiss me like that. It's Christmas. Ally's up. My parents are coming over now.
Debra: I'm sorry.
Ray: You've activated the launch sequence now. What?
Marie: [enters] Merry Christmas!
[As Frank, Marie and Robert enter the living room, Ray grabs a Christmas wreath and holds it in front of his crotch]
Robert: Nice. We usually hang ours on the door.

Quote from Debra

Ray: How about tomorrow?
Debra: No, tomorrow's no good. I'll be Christmas shopping all day. I'm gonna be exhausted. What about Monday?
Ray: No, no, Monday is no good. I'm interviewing Parcells after the Jets-Raiders.
Debra: Well, Ray, when do you want to make this appointment?
Ray: Well, I'm not the one who cancelled the last two appointments.
Ally: Daddy, what's an appointment?
Ray: Well, an appointment is when two people decide to meet.
Debra: Like going to the dentist.
Ally: Oh.
Ray: So sleeping with me is like going to the dentist?
Debra: You both say the same thing: "Sit back, relax, you won't feel a thing."

Quote from Ray

Debra: I'm so tired, Ray.
Ray: Yes, but we had an appointment. Huh, see the rocket ship?
Debra: I know. It's just that I have been Christmas shopping all day then I just got the twins down, and I'm just not in the mood.
Ray: You don't have to be in the mood. I mean, just start and you can get in the mood. It's like- It's like you're invited to a party you don't want to go to, so you figure: "I'm just gonna stop by, say hello." And then you get there, the next thing you know you're swinging at the pinata, wearing a hat.
Debra: I'm not going to the party, Ray.
Ray: You can't just not go. At least send a gift.

Quote from Debra

Debra: You know, it's not always me. What about last week when I was in the mood and you weren't?
Ray: When was that?
Debra: Wednesday. You were watching TV, I asked you to give me a back rub.
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: Yeah, you gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Ray: Wait a minute. You asked for a back rub and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington? Come on. Why didn't you say something?
Debra: What am I supposed to say? "Hey, come on, you want some? Let's do it."
Ray: I would love it if you talked like that.
Debra: You know, after all these years, you still have no idea, do you?
Ray: Look, I know you have to be in the mood but can't you just, this once, think like a man?
Debra: I am. I'm completely disregarding your feelings.
Ray: You tell Mr. Smith that.

Quote from Robert

Frank: Marie, will you get out of the way?
Marie: I'm not talking to you and your stupid lights. Didn't that fire teach you a lesson, you maniac?
Frank: Hey, do me a favor. Stick your toe in the water and twist this bulb right here.
Marie: It'd be worth it to get away from you.
Robert: Will you stop? You're killing Christmas! [snaps the top of the tree]
Marie: Oh, my God! What did you do?
Robert: Nothing.
Ally: Hi, Grandma and Grandpa.
Frank: Merry Christmas, kids.
Ray: [to Robert] You just hate anything bigger than you, don't you?

Quote from Robert

Ray: Wow, Robert.
Robert: Yep, a remote-controlled replica of a vintage P-51D Mustang flown by Chuck Yeager, complete with a fully operational slide-away canopy. [opens his gift from Ray] Hey, golf balls.
Ray: Yeah, well, I wanted to--
Robert: No, these are very good golf balls. And there's three of them.
Frank: Hold them up.
Ray: You know what? Why don't you keep the plane over at your house because it'll probably be safer there.
Robert: Are you sure?
Ray: You can use it whenever you want.
Robert: All right, great. Thank you, Raymond. And here, keep these golf balls. You can use them whenever you want.

Quote from Frank

Frank: What in hell's manger is wrong with you?
Ray: I just want to give the ladies a break, you know? Do something for Debra.
Frank: Why?
Ray: Hey, listen, you know what I was thinking? Maybe you and Mom want to take the kids this afternoon... to your house.
Frank: Why?
Ray: Again, the Debra thing, you know? Besides, they're your grandchildren, you love them and you want to spend time with them on Christmas, like people.
Frank: I'm spending time with them here, and they're not breaking my stuff.

Quote from Frank

Ray: It'll give Debra and me a chance to relax.
Frank: Relax? Why do you want to relax? What do you mean? [off Ray's look] Oh!
Ray: What?
Frank: Relax.
Ray: What?
Frank: I read you loud and clear. Time for a little nookie, eh, sailor?
Ray: No, no, no.
Frank: On Christmas day yet.
Ray: Come on, Dad.
Frank: Well, the nut does not fall far from the tree. I remember, one Easter, your mother and l...
Ray: Dad, please, don't.
Frank: Don't worry about a thing, son. I'm on the case. Marie!

Quote from Frank

Frank: Let's go, Marie.
Ray: Dad, wait.
Frank: Pack up your stuff and grab the kids.
Ray: I didn't mean for this.
Marie: Why? Why are we leaving?
Frank: Ray and Debra want to relax.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: Come on. Dad, you don't have to do this. Come on.
Marie: Why do they have to relax?
Frank: They're young, they're in love. You gotta be hit over the head with a mallet? Figure it out.
Debra: Oh, my God!
Marie: Raymond, it's Christmas Day. The baby Jesus was just born.
Robert: Okay, I found the batteries. We are cleared for takeoff.
Frank: So is my boy. Everybody, grab your coats. Chop, chop.

Quote from Frank

Robert: What's going on?
Ray: Nothing's going on.
Ray: You don't have to go. You don't understand.
Marie: I understand it all too well, Raymond. In my day, there was a little something called self-control.
Frank: Not on Easter, 1962.
Marie: Shush!
Frank: Enjoy yourselves, kids. And flash the lights when you're done. We'll come back over.

Quote from Andy

Ray: I don't know why it has to be so hard, Andy, you know? I mean, we're married for eight years. It should get easier. It should be, "You awake?", boom.
Andy: I'm the wrong guy to talk to about women. Even my fantasies just want to be friends.

Quote from Andy

Andy: Hey, Erin, you're a woman.
Erin: Thanks.
Andy: Come here. Have a seat. We gotta talk to you about something.
Ray: Don't, Andy.
Erin: No, it's okay, I'll talk to him. It's Christmas.
Andy: Thank you, Erin. Our question is this: Why can't I score? What the helI's with you people? Why do women look at me like I'm some kind of homunculus?

Quote from Ray

Andy: How come you don't like it as much as we do?
Erin: [laughs] Who says we don't like it? What? We just prefer to be in the mood first.
Ray: Okay, stop right there. The mood. Just give me directions to the mood.
Andy: Exactly. And keep in mind that I live further away than he does.
Erin: All right. You know, listen, I can help you. All you have to know is that, for a woman it's all about intimacy: holding hands, kissing, talking.
Ray: Right, I know all that. But when you're married with three kids, you got no time for that. You got shortcuts?
Andy: I thought marriage was a shortcut. You've already got her in the house.
Erin: No, there are no shortcuts. Put in the time. A woman says, "Before I sleep with you, I want to feel close to you."
Andy: And I say, "You will feel very close to me when you are sleeping with me."
Erin: That's the problem with you guys. You know what, you think that the mushy stuff is over at the wedding. We still want the mushy stuff. Why can't you try a little, huh?
Ray: I'm trying. What do you want?
Erin: Some caring, some consideration. Did you ever try being creative? God, look at you! Tuck in your shirts.
Ray: Okay, thank you. Thanks for your help.
Erin: Hey, that's the way it is. You asked my advice as a woman. I'm telling you: You got to try harder.

Quote from Ray

Ray: [sings] You better watch out You better watch out You better watch out You better watch out You... Bet-ter... Watch out
Debra: What is this?
Ray: That's just an early Christmas present for a good little girl.
Debra: Oh, that's sweet. What is it?
Ray: It's Magic Hands. I thought I'd get you this now that I know what "rub your back" means.

Next Page 


 Previous Episode Next Episode 
  Select another episode