Debra: You just look kind of sexy.
Ray: What?
Debra: You know, with the sweeper, and...
Ray: Sweeper? That's what does it for you?
Debra: No, but just watching you play with the kids this morning and then wearing these silly boxers that they gave you. I don't know, just the fact that you're my husband, you take care of us and the whole picture. Sweeping just put it over the top. [they kiss]
Ray: What are you doing to me here? What? You're killing me!
Debra: I wanted to let you know how I was feeling.
Ray: Well, you can't kiss me like that. It's Christmas. Ally's up. My parents are coming over now.
Debra: I'm sorry.
Ray: You've activated the launch sequence now. What?
Marie: [enters] Merry Christmas!
[As Frank, Marie and Robert enter the living room, Ray grabs a Christmas wreath and holds it in front of his crotch]
Robert: Nice. We usually hang ours on the door.

Ray: Not the flannel pajamas.
Debra: What?
Ray: What the- When you come to bed wearing that silky thing I know I have a chance, but flannel pajamas. You might as well be wearing a porcupine suit.

Ray: How about tomorrow?
Debra: No, tomorrow's no good. I'll be Christmas shopping all day. I'm gonna be exhausted. What about Monday?
Ray: No, no, Monday is no good. I'm interviewing Parcells after the Jets-Raiders.
Debra: Well, Ray, when do you want to make this appointment?
Ray: Well, I'm not the one who cancelled the last two appointments.
Ally: Daddy, what's an appointment?
Ray: Well, an appointment is when two people decide to meet.
Debra: Like going to the dentist.
Ally: Oh.
Ray: So sleeping with me is like going to the dentist?
Debra: You both say the same thing: "Sit back, relax, you won't feel a thing."

Debra: I'm so tired, Ray.
Ray: Yes, but we had an appointment. Huh, see the rocket ship?
Debra: I know. It's just that I have been Christmas shopping all day then I just got the twins down, and I'm just not in the mood.
Ray: You don't have to be in the mood. I mean, just start and you can get in the mood. It's like- It's like you're invited to a party you don't want to go to, so you figure: "I'm just gonna stop by, say hello." And then you get there, the next thing you know you're swinging at the pinata, wearing a hat.
Debra: I'm not going to the party, Ray.
Ray: You can't just not go. At least send a gift.

Debra: You know, it's not always me. What about last week when I was in the mood and you weren't?
Ray: When was that?
Debra: Wednesday. You were watching TV, I asked you to give me a back rub.
Ray: Yeah.
Debra: Yeah, you gave me one of these one-handed deals.
Ray: Wait a minute. You asked for a back rub and that means Mr. Smith goes to Washington? Come on. Why didn't you say something?
Debra: What am I supposed to say? "Hey, come on, you want some? Let's do it."
Ray: I would love it if you talked like that.
Debra: You know, after all these years, you still have no idea, do you?
Ray: Look, I know you have to be in the mood but can't you just, this once, think like a man?
Debra: I am. I'm completely disregarding your feelings.
Ray: You tell Mr. Smith that.

Frank: Marie, will you get out of the way?
Marie: I'm not talking to you and your stupid lights. Didn't that fire teach you a lesson, you maniac?
Frank: Hey, do me a favor. Stick your toe in the water and twist this bulb right here.
Marie: It'd be worth it to get away from you.
Robert: Will you stop? You're killing Christmas! [snaps the top of the tree]
Marie: Oh, my God! What did you do?
Robert: Nothing.
Ally: Hi, Grandma and Grandpa.
Frank: Merry Christmas, kids.
Ray: [to Robert] You just hate anything bigger than you, don't you?

Ray: Wow, Robert.
Robert: Yep, a remote-controlled replica of a vintage P-51D Mustang flown by Chuck Yeager, complete with a fully operational slide-away canopy. [opens his gift from Ray] Hey, golf balls.
Ray: Yeah, well, I wanted to--
Robert: No, these are very good golf balls. And there's three of them.
Frank: Hold them up.
Ray: You know what? Why don't you keep the plane over at your house because it'll probably be safer there.
Robert: Are you sure?
Ray: You can use it whenever you want.
Robert: All right, great. Thank you, Raymond. And here, keep these golf balls. You can use them whenever you want.

Frank: What in hell's manger is wrong with you?
Ray: I just want to give the ladies a break, you know? Do something for Debra.
Frank: Why?
Ray: Hey, listen, you know what I was thinking? Maybe you and Mom want to take the kids this afternoon... to your house.
Frank: Why?
Ray: Again, the Debra thing, you know? Besides, they're your grandchildren, you love them and you want to spend time with them on Christmas, like people.
Frank: I'm spending time with them here, and they're not breaking my stuff.

Ray: It'll give Debra and me a chance to relax.
Frank: Relax? Why do you want to relax? What do you mean? [off Ray's look] Oh!
Ray: What?
Frank: Relax.
Ray: What?
Frank: I read you loud and clear. Time for a little nookie, eh, sailor?
Ray: No, no, no.
Frank: On Christmas day yet.
Ray: Come on, Dad.
Frank: Well, the nut does not fall far from the tree. I remember, one Easter, your mother and l...
Ray: Dad, please, don't.
Frank: Don't worry about a thing, son. I'm on the case. Marie!

Frank: Let's go, Marie.
Ray: Dad, wait.
Frank: Pack up your stuff and grab the kids.
Ray: I didn't mean for this.
Marie: Why? Why are we leaving?
Frank: Ray and Debra want to relax.
Debra: Ray.
Ray: Come on. Dad, you don't have to do this. Come on.
Marie: Why do they have to relax?
Frank: They're young, they're in love. You gotta be hit over the head with a mallet? Figure it out.
Debra: Oh, my God!
Marie: Raymond, it's Christmas Day. The baby Jesus was just born.
Robert: Okay, I found the batteries. We are cleared for takeoff.
Frank: So is my boy. Everybody, grab your coats. Chop, chop.