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‘Stefania Arrives’ Quotes

Everybody Loves Raymond: Stefania Arrives

517. Stefania Arrives

Aired February 26, 2001

Marie arranges for Stefania to make a surprise visit to come see Robert.

Quote from Robert

Marie: Oh, Robby!
Frank: Hello, son.
Robert: What's wrong?
Marie: What do you mean, dear?
Robert: The happiness. What gives?
Frank: What, we can't be happy to see you?
Robert: Historically, no.

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Quote from Ray

Ray: Okay, see this? This Cream of Wheat, that's you and Stefania.
Robert: What?
Ray: Stay with me. All right? Now here's you guys in Italy. See, all hot and heavy.
Marie: No, that's too much.
Ray: That's right. You can't keep it like that, right?
Marie: No, turn it down.
Ray: Well, what's gonna happen to Robert and Stefania if I keep it like that?
Marie: They're gonna get all dried out and crusty.
Ray: Right. Right, right. Robert, you want it to last, you gotta cool things down a little. See, like this.
Marie: Thank God.
Ray: That's how it is for me and Debra. Just a little low flame. Our Cream of Wheat could just sit on that for years.
Debra: Hands off, girls, he's mine.

Quote from Robert

Marie: You know, Robby. Robby, I know that you've been lonely and in need of some company, so I have a little surprise for you. [opens door]
Ray: What took so long? I got bags here.
Robert: This is it? I didn't like this surprise when you gave it to me 40 years ago.

Quote from Marie

Debra: Look, you shouldn't be pressured into being in a relationship.
Marie: No one here means to pressure him. But you know something, Robby? You're not getting any younger. And I read, you know, that as men get older, their sperm production...
Ray: Okay!
Robert: Ma, Ma, Ma, Ma!
Ray: Back it up.
Marie: Please, it's science.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Where is Robert? Raymond will be back from the airport with Stefania any minute. And look at this place. Frank, are you helping?
Frank: Yeah, I'm brushing up on my Italian for Stefania. [wolf-whistles]
Marie: Oh, Frank.
Debra: I'm still not so sure this is a good idea to surprise him. Do we even know if he's still interested in her?
Marie: Debra, what are you saying?
Debra: Just we shouldn't push him into anything.
Marie: Well, far be it from me to push. I just happen to know what my son wants. He wants to finally have someone special and he wants to settle down and have grandchildren.
Debra: You mean children.
Marie: Right, children, whatever.

Quote from Frank

Frank: I'm gonna tell you about my marriage now, but I'll need the garbage disposal.

Quote from Frank

Frank: I think you did a good thing bringing Stefania here.
Marie: Oh, thank you, Frank.
Frank: We should do, like, a foreign exchange. She comes here; You go there.

Quote from Frank

Stefania: [to Marie] Thank you for inviting me. You are nice and beautiful.
Frank: Man, does she need an English lesson.
Stefania: Hi, I remember your head.
Frank: Hey, she remembers me.

Quote from Debra

Debra: Hi, nice to see you again. So this is you after a 10-hour plane ride, huh? Well, I give up.
Stefania: Hello.

Quote from Ray

Ray: So you two having a good time?
Robert: Yeah, a blast. Things are fantastic.
Ray: Did you two do the, uh...
Robert: The what?
Ray: The huckle-buckle?
Robert: Why don't you mind your own business, okay?
Ray: Oh, come on. I'm married, man. I don't even huckle.

Quote from Frank

Frank: Hey, Suzy, I got that.
Suzy: Really? Hey, Nemo, Frank's picking up a tab.
Nemo: Don't take a check from him.
Frank: Hey, don't embarrass me in front of my international guests, all right? I'm buying. [to Robert & Ray] Hey, you two, we're splitting this.

Quote from Robert

Marco: I want to say something. I come to America to take care for Stefania. But I also dream always to come to this country and it is like a dream. I like the people. I like the life here very much, with the large drinks and so much ice. And I have to say, I did not like so much this one. [points to Robert] But now I do. And I know Stefania do. So what I will tell you now is we stay.
Robert: What? Where?
Marie: Here. Lynbrook, America.
Debra: Congratulations to you both!
Stefania: It's great surprise, no?
Robert: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, great surprise. But you just can't live here. What will you do, sir?
Marco: Who knows? I like this place. Maybe I buy.
Ray: Oh, Nemo would never sell.
Marco: I think maybe he do. [to Robert] I want to thank you for taking care of my daughter.
Robert: Don't mention it.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, everybody.
Marie: Hi, Robby. Cookie?
Robert: What's the point?
Ray: What's your problem?
Robert: I don't think it's gonna work out with Stefania.
Ray: Oh, give me a break.
Marie: What are you talking about? In Italy, the two of you couldn't get enough of each other.
Robert: I don't know. It's not the same.
Frank: Hey, look at her. Look at you. Grab on and don't let go.

Quote from Frank

Debra: You know, Robert, I wouldn't be surprised if you're having these feelings because deep down inside you still care for Amy.
Robert: No, no, it's not Amy and it's not Cream of Wheat. The truth is... Stefania's annoying.
Ray: What?
Frank: If by "annoying," you mean "ha-cha-cha-cha-cha," then I'm right with you.
Robert: No, she's always touching me.
Ray: Oh, that's gotta be rough.
Frank: Why the hell would you not want her to touch you?
Robert: She poked me in the ass with a putter.
Frank: She could hit me in the head with a hammer. I wouldn't care.

Quote from Marie

Marie: Robby, I think that's like flirting.
Ray: Yeah, it sounds like you're nitpicking, man.
Robert: Look, I know Stefania is beautiful, okay? But, you know, we've been out a few times now and the more time I spend with her, I realize that there's nothing there.
Marie: Robby, are you very sure you're not homosexual?
Robert: Ma!
Marie: I'm just asking.

Quote from Robert

Robert: You know what? If Stefania was staying for, like, a week, I could put up with it, but now they're talking about staying here for good. So what, am I supposed to take care of her forever, huh? I gotta marry her now?
Marie: [looks at Frank] There are worse things, dear.
Robert: Plus, I got her father Signore Scary-ola watching me with those eyes. I mean, it's too much. I can't take it.

Quote from Robert

Stefania: I am hungry. Do you have food for me?
Robert: More? Just a second.
Stefania: Maybe you have hot dogs.
Robert: One second. It's like dropping wood into a chipper.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Listen, Stefania, I'll always cherish the moments we had together, but I just didn't want you to move here for the wrong reasons. Hey, come on.
Stefania: [Italian:] "Don't touch me! I can't believe I came to America for you. You couldn't even call me yourself. You had to have your mother beg me to come!"
Robert: No, no, no, no, no, that was her idea. She's crazy.
Stefania: [Italian:] "What are you, her puppet? She pulls the strings and you dance like Pinocchio?"
Robert: No, no, no, no, Pinocchio this time. You see, she wanted me to marry you, but I said I couldn't because you're annoying.
Stefania: Annoying? What does this mean, annoying?
Robert: I don't know.
Stefania: Liar. I am sick to look to you!
Robert: Well, listen, we can still be friends. You see, in America, you don't break up. You stay friends. That's what you do.
Stefania: Not in Italy.
Robert: Annoying. Listen, I did the right thing. Morally, I did the right thing. [Stefania throws Robert's uniform back to him] There better be a heaven.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, Nemo, I'll take a slice. Signore Fogagnolo, hi. What are you doing here?
Marco: I told you. We stay in America.
Robert: Oh, so you work here now?
Marco: I own here now.
Robert: You own? What happened to Nemo?
Marco: He go away.
Robert: W-what? W-where?
Marco: Away.
Robert: [clears throat] Listen, Signore Fogagnolo, about Stefania... I am a homosexual.


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