Ray: Well, how about the time you arrested the guy for flashing gang signs, huh? And you started reading him his rights, but he just kept flashing gang signs, making you madder and madder. He wasn't breaking the law, was he, Robert?
Robert: No.
Ray: What was he doing?
Robert: He was being deaf.
Frank: [laughs] Holy crap.
Ray: Fee-fi-faux-pas!
Robert: Oh, God, I still remember. [signs and speaks] I'm so, so, sorry.

Frank: Marie, what's the story with the cannelloni?
Marie: It's ready.
Frank: Let's go. Who's this?
Debra: This is Chris' dad George.
Frank: The janitor? Marie, you said he was black. [all gasp]
Marie: No, I didn't!
Frank: What are you talking about? You said-
Marie: No, I said he was African-American! [all gasp]
Frank: Okay. What are you arguing for?
Marie: I apologize, George. It's just, well... Well, l... You know, I think it's wonderful that anyone can be a janitor now.

Marie: I just feel horrible. For a custodian to see all this mess. I think I'll straighten up.
Amy: [enters] Hey. Chris and his dad are outside and he asked me to get his keys for him. It seemed like he didn't want to come back inside.
Robert: I don't blame him. It was kind of a nightmare.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Did your mother come over and make things worse as usual?
[Behind Amy, Marie pushes aside the door and glares at her]

Ray: Let him stay. They should stay. They're having a fantastic time. In fact, this is better 'cause you guys can just sit down and get to know each other better. Yeah, yeah. Just sit. Sit, sit, sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit down. Down.
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: No, they have a lot in common, these guys.
Robert: We do?
Ray: Sure. Sure. I just think it's so interesting, you know? One of you keeps the schools clean, and one of you keeps the streets clean. You know? Metaphorically. But the main thing is, should one of you start to slack off... Wow! There's a mess.
Debra: Ray, what are you doing?
Ray: I'm talking to the backbone of America.

Marie: What about the time you worked for the Pelk Accounting?
Frank: Oh, yeah, that was funny. Yeah, hey, I walk into work one morning and there's this huge lady sitting at one of the other guy's desks, working the phones. So I go over to Irv Lebrotte and I say, "Hey, who's that big, fat moose over there?" He smiles at me and says, "That's my mom."
Debra: Oh my God, Frank, what did you say?
Frank: Well, I was pretty quick on my feet back then, so I said, uh, "What do you feed her?" And I walked away.
Marie: You're unbelievable, Frank. Whenever I take him anywhere, I wanna give out cards that say "I'm sorry" on them.
Frank: My cards say "Wife for sale." The phone ain't ringing.

Ray: All right. All right, all right. I'm sorry. George, I said something stupid, and I'm sorry. I am. I'm very very sorry.
George: Hey, it's okay, man. Let's- Let's really just forget about it. Please?
Debra: Thank you, George. Ray, go upstairs and help Chris find his retainer so George can get out of here.
Ray: Okay. But I've been thinking of something, though. No. No, no, no. Because maybe, yes, it it seems I was a little insensitive. But, actually, that thing at the game today "Hey, you can throw your shells on the floor. That's what they pay the janitor for." I was just stating a fact, right? I mean, it's true, isn't it? It's like this I'm a sportswriter, right? So the next time you're cleaning up something and your kids are with you, and a sporting event goes by, and one of your kids says, "Hey, I should write about that." Then you can say, "No, you don't have to. That's what they pay the sportswriter for." You see? It's the same thing sportswriter, janitor. Custodian! I'm very sorry!

Ray: Yeah that's worse than what I did, right, George?
Debra: No, it is not worse because at least he apologized and then left it at that. You're going on to make this even more humiliating by what you're doing.
Ray: Why? What? What am I doing? What? George, what?
Debra: You say that horrible thing to poor little Chris, and then you go and say the exact same thing to the man himself! And then you invite your whole family in, the flying faux pas! Who treat him to an afternoon of insults.

Robert: Hey, can I use your phone to call real estate agents?
Debra: Yeah, sure.
Robert: Every time I try to call them from over there, I hear Ma breathing on the upstairs line.

Ray: No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Everybody calm down. I didn't devastate anybody. It was totally fine. It was a joke. The kid laughed, he- he threw his shells on the floor. And then we watched the game and we all lived happily ever after.
Marie: Raymond, you're a lovely boy, but this is why sometimes when you talk, my heart goes into my throat.
Robert: I agree 100%, Ma. Except for the "lovely boy" part.
Marie: I tried to teach you. I mean, you should know that words could hurt people.
Robert: That's right, Raymond!
Marie: No one's talking to you, Robert. You're such a busybody.

Marie: Who is this Chris? Have I met him?
Debra: Oh, he's adorable. His dad works at the school.
Amy: Oh, yeah? What subject does he teach?
Debra: Uh, he's not a teacher. Actually, he's the custodian.
Ray: Oh, really? I didn't know that. Ah, that's funny.
Robert: Why?
Ray: No, no. 'Cause, uh we were eating peanuts and I looked down, and little Chris had all the shells on his lap.
And I said, "Hey, Chris, you can throw those on the floor. That's what they pay the janitor for." [Debra, Marie & Amy gasp]
Marie: Oh, my God! Raymond, how could you?
Ray: What?
Debra: Oh, my God, Ray, what are you thinking? That poor boy must be devastated.