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‘The Faux Pas’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

Everybody Loves Raymond: The Faux Pas

911. The Faux Pas

Aired February 7, 2005

After Ray makes a joke about janitors in front of another kid, he tries to apologize to the boy's father, who happens to be a custodian.

Quote from Robert

Ray: Well, how about the time you arrested the guy for flashing gang signs, huh? And you started reading him his rights, but he just kept flashing gang signs, making you madder and madder. He wasn't breaking the law, was he, Robert?
Robert: No.
Ray: What was he doing?
Robert: He was being deaf.
Frank: [laughs] Holy crap.
Ray: Fee-fi-faux-pas!
Robert: Oh, God, I still remember. [signs and speaks] I'm so, so, sorry.

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Quote from Ray

Ray: Let him stay. They should stay. They're having a fantastic time. In fact, this is better 'cause you guys can just sit down and get to know each other better. Yeah, yeah. Just sit. Sit, sit, sit. Sit. Sit. Sit. Sit down. Down.
Debra: What are you doing?
Ray: No, they have a lot in common, these guys.
Robert: We do?
Ray: Sure. Sure. I just think it's so interesting, you know? One of you keeps the schools clean, and one of you keeps the streets clean. You know? Metaphorically. But the main thing is, should one of you start to slack off... Wow! There's a mess.
Debra: Ray, what are you doing?
Ray: I'm talking to the backbone of America.

Quote from Marie

Frank: Marie, what's the story with the cannelloni?
Marie: It's ready.
Frank: Let's go. Who's this?
Debra: This is Chris' dad George.
Frank: The janitor? Marie, you said he was black. [all gasp]
Marie: No, I didn't!
Frank: What are you talking about? You said-
Marie: No, I said he was African-American! [all gasp]
Frank: Okay. What are you arguing for?
Marie: I apologize, George. It's just, well... Well, l... You know, I think it's wonderful that anyone can be a janitor now.

Quote from Frank

Marie: What about the time you worked for the Pelk Accounting?
Frank: Oh, yeah, that was funny. Yeah, hey, I walk into work one morning and there's this huge lady sitting at one of the other guy's desks, working the phones. So I go over to Irv Lebrotte and I say, "Hey, who's that big, fat moose over there?" He smiles at me and says, "That's my mom."
Debra: Oh my God, Frank, what did you say?
Frank: Well, I was pretty quick on my feet back then, so I said, uh, "What do you feed her?" And I walked away.
Marie: You're unbelievable, Frank. Whenever I take him anywhere, I wanna give out cards that say "I'm sorry" on them.
Frank: My cards say "Wife for sale." The phone ain't ringing.

Quote from Ray

Ray: All right. All right, all right. I'm sorry. George, I said something stupid, and I'm sorry. I am. I'm very very sorry.
George: Hey, it's okay, man. Let's- Let's really just forget about it. Please?
Debra: Thank you, George. Ray, go upstairs and help Chris find his retainer so George can get out of here.
Ray: Okay. But I've been thinking of something, though. No. No, no, no. Because maybe, yes, it it seems I was a little insensitive. But, actually, that thing at the game today "Hey, you can throw your shells on the floor. That's what they pay the janitor for." I was just stating a fact, right? I mean, it's true, isn't it? It's like this I'm a sportswriter, right? So the next time you're cleaning up something and your kids are with you, and a sporting event goes by, and one of your kids says, "Hey, I should write about that." Then you can say, "No, you don't have to. That's what they pay the sportswriter for." You see? It's the same thing sportswriter, janitor. Custodian! I'm very sorry!

Quote from Amy

Marie: I just feel horrible. For a custodian to see all this mess. I think I'll straighten up.
Amy: [enters] Hey. Chris and his dad are outside and he asked me to get his keys for him. It seemed like he didn't want to come back inside.
Robert: I don't blame him. It was kind of a nightmare.
Amy: Oh, yeah? Did your mother come over and make things worse as usual?
[Behind Amy, Marie pushes aside the door and glares at her]

Quote from Debra

Ray: Yeah that's worse than what I did, right, George?
Debra: No, it is not worse because at least he apologized and then left it at that. You're going on to make this even more humiliating by what you're doing.
Ray: Why? What? What am I doing? What? George, what?
Debra: You say that horrible thing to poor little Chris, and then you go and say the exact same thing to the man himself! And then you invite your whole family in, the flying faux pas! Who treat him to an afternoon of insults.

Quote from Marie

Ray: No, no. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Everybody calm down. I didn't devastate anybody. It was totally fine. It was a joke. The kid laughed, he- he threw his shells on the floor. And then we watched the game and we all lived happily ever after.
Marie: Raymond, you're a lovely boy, but this is why sometimes when you talk, my heart goes into my throat.
Robert: I agree 100%, Ma. Except for the "lovely boy" part.
Marie: I tried to teach you. I mean, you should know that words could hurt people.
Robert: That's right, Raymond!
Marie: No one's talking to you, Robert. You're such a busybody.

Quote from Robert

Robert: Hey, can I use your phone to call real estate agents?
Debra: Yeah, sure.
Robert: Every time I try to call them from over there, I hear Ma breathing on the upstairs line.

Quote from Ray

Marie: Who is this Chris? Have I met him?
Debra: Oh, he's adorable. His dad works at the school.
Amy: Oh, yeah? What subject does he teach?
Debra: Uh, he's not a teacher. Actually, he's the custodian.
Ray: Oh, really? I didn't know that. Ah, that's funny.
Robert: Why?
Ray: No, no. 'Cause, uh we were eating peanuts and I looked down, and little Chris had all the shells on his lap.
And I said, "Hey, Chris, you can throw those on the floor. That's what they pay the janitor for." [Debra, Marie & Amy gasp]
Marie: Oh, my God! Raymond, how could you?
Ray: What?
Debra: Oh, my God, Ray, what are you thinking? That poor boy must be devastated.

Quote from Ray

Ray: I'm telling you the kid was fine. Mom's out of her mind.
Robert: Yeah, well, be that as it may, you've done it again. My heart goes out to the boy.
Ray: Will you stop it? I was just being funny.
Robert: I beg to differ. You say things that nobody likes. Just like that time with your parents.
Ray: When? What are you talking about?
Amy: Well, remember how you saw the little Jesus figurine on their dashboard, and you said to them, "I guess this must be a hard car to make out in"?
Ray: Well, I mean the guy's looking right at ya.
Debra: Ray, it can't always be the other person's fault when they don't "get you".
Ray: But this thing with the kid was funny. I'm telling you, he laughed.
Robert: Yeah, yeah. You see, if he laughed, it was the uneasy chuckle of a terrified young child having to spend the afternoon with a very mean and unfunny man.
Ray: I bet when you make out in the car, that Jesus weeps.

Quote from Robert

Ray: You guys go have fun. I mean I mean, go have more fun 'cause we had a lot of fun today, didn't we, guys?
Robert: Obviously traumatized.
Ray: Oh. Stop it, huh? Look at him.
Robert: Oh, how soon you forget your own past, Raymond. How about all the time we had to laugh at Dad's horrible puberty jokes?
Ray: He had to make jokes. You went through puberty at six.
Robert: You stole that line from Dad! Come on, Amy, we're getting the paper and moving far far away from jack-ass lane!

Quote from Ray

George: Hey. Can I give you something for today?
Ray: Oh, no, no. I get the tickets for free.
George: Oh, it's okay, but I've been to the movies with him he can eat forty bucks worth of candy.
Ray: Oh, well, consider his stomachache my gift. [both laugh]
George: That's funny.
Ray: Yeah, funny, right? Yeah, yeah. You know what else is funny?
George: No.
Ray: You know, uh, uh, at one point, Chris started eating peanuts, and I looked down, and he's not throwing the shells away. He's got all of them on his lap. So I just say to him, "Hey, Chris, you can throw those on the floor. That's what they pay the janitor for." [laughs] Yeah, yeah. And then he laughed. Oh, he kinda laughed hard. Yeah, and then he took his shells and he put them on the floor real gently. So I guess you got him trained really good at home. [laughs] Uh, it was just kind of a... a.. a simple remark, you know? A "hey-throw-your-nuts-on-the-floor-ha-ha" remark. Yeah, yeah. It was funny. It was funny. He's funny Chris. You know, he's my favorite friend of the kids'.
George: Okay.
Ray: Yeah. You know what else is funny? I didn't know- I didn't know that that was your... That- That- That's your craft.

Quote from Frank

Debra: George, please-
George: No, it's okay. I really have to go.
Debra: I want to assure you that Marie does not speak for all of us.
Frank: No, she just speaks more than all of us.
Marie: Who are you to talk? You came in saying "black"!
Ray: Oh my God!
Marie: George, listen, I you don't know what it's like to live with this man. I mean, he's a constant embarrassment.

Quote from Debra

Debra: I hope you're all happy. Listen, George, George I want to apologize to you and your family. And I just hope that the children can still be friends because that's the most important thing, even if the parents can't figure out how to get along.
George: You're right. Thank you.
Debra: Great, great. I just want my kids to be friends with everybody. [laughs] I mean, who knows? Tomorrow they might come home with some boy whose dad works in a sewer. [all gasp] No- l- Uh, I didn't- I'm sorry.

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