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37Quotes from ‘Their Story II’

Scrubs: Their Story II

812. Their Story II

Aired March 25, 2009

As the new interns at Sacred Heart deal with their own problems, the regulars can't help getting in the way. J.D. gets a big head now that he's the person everyone counts on to bug Dr. Cox with problems. With Turk upset by J.D.'s attitude, his intern Derek just tries to avoid getting caught in the middle. Denise pushes Elliot to run an invasive test on a teenage patient. Meanwhile, the Janitor picks on two interns for messing with his cart. [Narrated by the interns.]

Quote from Dr. Cox

J.D.: [v.o.] Now that Dr. Cox was the Chief of Medicine, I had become the guy everyone counted on to fight for the things the hospital needed. Yep, I was the one person who would get him to say...
Dr. Cox: No.
J.D.: You need to hire a few more nurses.
Dr. Cox: Look, Tammy. We don't have the money. If you want to go out and raise the cash yourself, feel free. Maybe you could sell your eggs to a fertility clinic, or sell that beard of yours to the Ridiculous Museum. Better yet, you could make a list of all the people you drive insane and tell them that for a nominal fee, you'll never speak to them again. You, of course, offer them a monthly subscription at a reduced rate, just to reel them in. And then after a while of you not talking to them, people will forget just how annoying you are and they'll let their subscription run out. And, bang! That's when you show up at their house, and you drive them insane all over again by speaking to them. And here's the kicker. When everyone's trying to re-subscribe, you lay it on them that the price is now quadruple. And I'm predicting, and this is a low-end guesstimate, you're looking at about $100,000,000 a quarter, easy. You give the hospital a hundred thou, we hire a few nurses. But, until then, you go tell Carla it ain't happening.
J.D.: Wow. That was super fun.
Dr. Cox: Get out!

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Quote from Janitor

J.D.: [v.o.] Plus, with my new role, people were treating me with a new found respect.
Janitor: I don't like how you're trying to make people treat you with a new found sense of respect.
J.D.: I'm not making people do anything.
Janitor: How else do you explain it? Did you hypnotize them? Are you trying to hypnotize me? 'cause that's not gonna work. I'm already hypnotized. Fifteen years ago, I'm in Vegas, I volunteer to be part of this guy's act. Half way through the show, fire alarm goes off and I never get snapped out. There's some word out there floating around like an on/off switch for me that if I ever hear it, I'll just go completely unconscious.
J.D.: Is it "sassafras"?
Janitor: It is "sassafras", you're right. It's amazing, of all the words in the English language-
J.D.: Boondoggle. [the Janitor drops his head] Yes! That was it?
Janitor: You're such an ass. Here's your warning. If you start walking around here like you're the big cheese, I'm gonna have to punish you, okay?

Quote from Elliot

Denise: [v.o.] Still, Dr. Reid has been super-supportive. Toss her a compliment as a thank you.
Denise: Even though that dress is totally inappropriate for a doctor, you are so rocking it.
Elliot: That's awesome because I actually have a policy that if I don't get three compliments the first time I wear it, I have to return it. Now, I've got you, J.D. He said this morning that I looked "scrumpdelicious". Yeah, he actually does talk like that. The meth addict from this morning said he want to eat my eyeballs, which I'm counting because the dress really make them pop.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Relax people. Remote control. A patient once complained that his room wasn't clean, so I stole the motor from his wheelchair. What are you guys doing?
Howie: I'm using a mint.
Janitor: Those aren't mints. Those are highly concentrated mini urinal cakes. Patent pending.
Howie: They're good.
Janitor: Not a huge selling point for urinal cakes, but thank you. Say, glasses. Who told you you could touch my cart?

Quote from Janitor

[Sunny throws a tomato from Denise's tray at the Janitor]
Katie: The hell are you doing?
Sunny: He won't do anything to me. He thinks I'm too weak.
Janitor: You know, you shouldn't throw produce, it's very dangerous. I had a cousin that was killed by a head of lettuce. It's a true story. Well, actually not the head of lettuce so much as the pack of sewer rabbits that he stole it from.


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