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34Quotes from ‘My Happy Place’

Scrubs: My Happy Place

804. My Happy Place

Aired January 13, 2009

When Dr. Cox and Turk work together to help two transplant patients, Turk is upset that Dr. Cox still doesn't trust him as a surgeon. After Dr. Kelso mistakenly assumes J.D. and Elliot are back together, they have a frank discussion about their relationship. Meanwhile, Dr. Kelso is still hanging around the hospital coffee shop despite being retired, and the Janitor hopes that by showing up to work he will get his job back.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Dr. Cox: Look, surgeons always want to slice people open whether it's the best option or not. No disrespect, but you're just not that bright. You have no idea how to do anything else. Unfortunately, sick people are also very, very stupid and will almost always agree to anything that a blood-letting corpse carpenter such as yourself tells them. I simply stay in the room to make sure they make the right choice.
Turk: So you don't trust me?
Dr. Cox: Oh, that's right. That is an easier way to say it.

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Quote from Ted

J.D.: [v.o.] Ted finally said what we were all thinking.
Ted: Why are you spending your retirement hanging around the place you use to work? It's so sad. By comparison, it almost makes my life seem... No, still sad.
Dr. Kelso: Yeah.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Kelso: Anyway, keep my table warm. Adios.
J.D.: [imitates Scrubs incidental music]
Elliot: What are you doing?
J.D.: Oh, that's the sound I hear in my head whenever people leave. [imitates Scrubs incidental music]
Elliot: Whatever. I will see you after work. [exits]
[Scrubs incidental music plays]

Quote from Elliot

Elliot: Look, Dr. Kelso, leaving any job is tough. I remember when my cousin got fired from her job, she was so depressed because it was the only salon in town, and all she ever wanted to do was cut hair.
Dr. Kelso: Here it comes.
J.D.: [v.o.] Both Dr. Kelso and I had heard enough of Elliot inspirational stories to know that they invariably end with someone killing himself.
Elliot: But, then she moved.
J.D.: [v.o.] Huh. Maybe not.
Elliot: To a better place.
J.D.: [v.o.] Or maybe so.

Quote from Todd

Todd: My guy needs a kidney now. Why wouldn't the Halfords say yes?
Turk: Because they're in no rush. Plus, the Halfords don't know the Brinkleys, so they don't trust them.
Dr. Cox: We're screwed.
Todd: Awesome.
Turk: In The Todd's world, if anybody gets screwed, it's a good thing.
Dr. Cox: Of course it is.

Quote from Janitor

Ted: By the way, what happened to the janitor they hired to replace you?
[flashback: The Janitor is dressed in a white lab coat and is seated at a desk as he talks to a man:]
Janitor: We're going to have to let you go, Marv. But, stiff upper lip.
Marv: I'm sorry, Dr. Itor.
Janitor: Call me Jan.
[present:]
Janitor: I heard he quit.

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: Hey, do you ever still think of me in that way?
J.D.: What way?
Elliot: You know. In a sexual way.
[fantasy: Elliot is scantily-clad in the coffee house as she shakes her hair]
J.D.: Sometimes. Do you ever think of me that way?
[J.D. is shirtless in the coffee house]
Elliot: Sometimes. Put your shirt back on.
J.D.: I'm just flipping it so you can't see the stain.

Quote from Janitor

Janitor: Look, I'm here because I want to be here. But don't worry. I'm going to get my job back.
Ted: Oh, good. What's your plan?
Janitor: I just told it to you. I'm here, therefore I will get my job back.
Ted: You're making my head hurt.
Janitor: We both know that's not me. That's from when you were a baby, and a marble fountain fell on you.
Ted: Sometimes, my mom kept my crib in the driveway.
Janitor: Mine too. But I've lived my life by a very specific credo. Everything works out for me.

Quote from Elliot

J.D.: Look, if it helps, you hurt me too.
Elliot: Really?
J.D.: There were so many times I wanted to be with you so badly and you shot me down. Like when we first met, huh. Or when you wanted to be sex buddies. [fan fare]
Elliot: Oh yeah, but that's when I found work so overwhelming, and I...
J.D.: Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm sorry, we've just been down this road so many times, you know? Seriously, does even talking about it just make you hate yourself a little bit?
Elliot: I can't tell from just doing the normal amount of hating myself, or if I'm at a slightly higher level of self-loathing.
J.D.: You're too hard on yourself.
Elliot: No, I'm not. I'm just stupid and ugly, and I have a pig face.

Quote from J.D.

Elliot: We have so much history. Most of it bad.
J.D.: Yeah.
Elliot: How can we ever get past that?
J.D.: We can't.
Elliot: Oh, good. That makes me feel better.
J.D.: But maybe, we could remember all our pit falls like a road map. Maybe, this time, we could avoid all the drama. We don't have to be that couple where one of us says they're moving out of town, the other one has to rush to the airport to stop them. We don't have to argue about whether or not we were on a break.
Elliot: You watched the Friends marathon last night, didn't you?
J.D.: I did. I loved it. The point is, Elliot, you're a lot stronger than you used to be. And I've changed too. I have a beard now.
Elliot: Do you still let that inner voice of yours control you?
J.D.: [v.o.] This is getting too serious. Kick her. Kick her in the head.
J.D.: Not as much.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Elliot: I'll tell you what else I don't want to deal with. All the judgement from everyone else. Dr. Cox, Jordan, even Turk and Carla. I mean, it's almost enough of a reason not to do anything.
Dr. Kelso: Hogwash!
[J.D. and Elliot are no longer in their own little world as Dr. Kelso sits back down at the table]
J.D.: Excuse me?
Dr. Kelso: That ridiculous drivel you just said. Oh, but who am I to talk? Here I am, eating some kind of a banana-nut-sawdust-muffin, and hiding out in this crappy excuse for a Coffee Bucks. Who the hell cares what anybody else thinks? Just look into your heart, and do whatever the hell makes you happy.

Quote from Todd

J.D.: [v.o.] Life's great. With the janitor fired, I can walk the halls without fear. I don't even hesitate around corners any more. [J.D. crashes into The Todd] But maybe I should.
Todd: I-can-feel-little-J.D.-five?
J.D.: No thanks, Todd.
Todd: But I can and I want my five.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

J.D.: [v.o.] Maybe it was the free muffins for life, but Dr. Kelso still hangs out here every day.
Dr. Kelso: Morning, everybody!
All: Morning, Bob!
Dr. Kelso: I'm like Norm in this bitch.

Quote from Dr. Kelso

Ted: Seriously, don't you have anything better to do?
Dr. Kelso: Come on, people. I've got tons of stuff going on. I golf, I play gin with the boys. In fact, I am just here to stock up on muffins. Donny, four roadies please. [Donny throws muffins directly into Kelso's bag] Today, Enid and I are leaving to go spend a weekend in wine country. Of course, you know how Enid complains, any place I take her is whine country. [all laugh] Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Anyway, keep my table warm. Adios.

Quote from Dr. Cox

Turk: I don't understand. If I'm the best surgeon here, how come you're always looking over my shoulder?
Dr. Cox: Oh, give me a break, would you? Saying someone is "the best surgeon" is like saying someone is the smartest cast member of The Hills. Let's face it. It's just not that tough to float to the top of the surgical toilet. Take your fellow-cutter, The Todd. Now, he's also deemed competent enough to perform a kidney transplant on that gentleman right there. Yet observe. Say, Todd? What's for lunch today?
Todd: I'm not sure, bro.
Dr. Cox: This time, I'll just move my lips as if I was speaking and his tiny surgeon brain will tell him the glass is now just too darn thick to hear through. [knocks, mouths words]
Todd: Can't hear you through the glass, dude!

Quote from Ted

Ted: It's true, you're back! I'm so happy.
Janitor: You don't look happy.
Ted: I don't smile a whole lot. And lately, when I try to, it hurts. But trust me. I'm happy.

Quote from J.D.

Dr. Kelso: I bet you can't wait to call all your friends and tell them how pathetic I am.
J.D.: Actually, sir, we young people are more into texting these days. [texts]
Elliot: J.D., be sensitive. Don't act like you're at a ping pong match between a ninja and Bigfoot. I know that made no sense, but he's totally there now in his head. Look at his eyes.
Dr. Kelso: Look at that.
Elliot: He should be out for a while.
Dr. Kelso: I just have lot more free time than I thought. Enid and I were going to travel all over the country, but we don't have cash right now.
J.D.: Elliot, stop doing that.
Dr. Kelso: Well, who won the ping pong game?
J.D.: The Sasquatch. Then Turk and I took him to a carnival to celebrate. Man, that hairy bastard loves funnel cake!
Dr. Kelso: Amazing.


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